A lot of things have hindered my Christmas spirit this year.
We are on month 4 of trying to have a baby, with no luck so far. If one more person tells me to "relax, it'll happen in its own time," I'm going to FLIP OUT. That's like telling a little kid to NOT lick the frosting off a cupcake you put right in front of them and walk out of the room (lame analogy but all I could come up with on short notice). Don't tell me to relax. Don't tell me that "God has His own plans." I know all this. It's just frustrating, especially when it literally seems like everyone of any kind of relationship or acquaintance-ship to me is pregnant lately (including a 10-years older than me friend who has had her tubes tied...ectopic and very scary, but still? How does that happen???)......for the first time, for the 2nd time, for the 15th time.......ok, I kid on that last one. But when we started trying around our anniversary, I thought for sure everyone's Christmas present could be, "Surprise! You're going to be an aunt/ uncle/ cousin/ grandma/ grandpa again/ for the first time!" Not so much. Sigh. (Wallows in self-pity).
Money continues to be of short supply, but that's no different than any other day.
We moved in October and while we are 95% settled, there are always those 5% of boxes of random STUFF that need to be put away (or in our case, put UP on walls, etc). That being said, we have done ZERO decorating in our house for Christmas. Nothing. No lights, no tree, no wreath, no stockings. It just seems like so much work when he have everyday stuff that isn't even up yet. And to our defense, we came back after Thanksgiving weekend completely worn OUT. Were home for the 3rd and 4th but never got around to it. We were in Indy with friends last weekend. We're home this weekend, but at that point, what IS the point? We're leaving next Thursday night or Friday morning for Indiana. I rationalize it as we're not even HOME for Christmas and haven't been since we've been married.......maybe next year there will be a little reason to put up a tree!! (Crosses fingers).
Work is stressful (again, nothing new) awaiting snow and getting ready for 2012 (wait, 2012?!?!?).
I still have a lot of Christmas shopping left to do, if for no other reason than I've just been putting it off. I enjoy it, but it's like every weekend comes and I just find something else to do.
The Cowboys are doing their best to give me a heart attack week in and week out. Heart attacks when we end up with Ws = okay. Heart attacks when we end up giving games away = not okay.
But.
The last 4 days have done a lot to remedy my spiritlessness.
A little pat on my back here, so bear with me.....Sunday, I went to a Beef & Boards show in Indy with Chris' mom, sister &; grandma (PS - "Silent Night" gets me EVERYTIME). As Chris & I were waiting for them to come meet me (and him to head off to meet friends), we watched a large crowd of people walk in. One of them dropped cash. $125. In CASH. I ran after the crowd, asking several people if they had lost any money. No cigar (one telling me, "looks like you are $125 richer!" How? How would I spend that money??). So I wait until the show is over, go to the "main office" window. Ask if anyone had reported missing money. Yes, but had been found and returned. Huh. Must be different. Turn to walk away. Lady goes, "wait, how much was it?" I hesitated.....she asked, "$125?" I nod. Turns out, long story short, an older gentleman met his daughter at the show. He was scheduled to have some dental work done. He couldn't pay for it. Daughter hands him $125. Man loses money. Man is distraight. Daughter tells father that it's not a big deal, here's more money. Man refuses, doesn't want to take daughter's money again. Walks away. Daughter hands money to office, asking them to call the gentleman later telling him the money had been "found." They took her info just in case. The money I had got returned. I could have used that money, for sure. But how could I have spent that money knowing how upset (especially at this time of year!!) I would be if I lost $125? It at least got me a "God bless you" from an older lady who had overheard the exchange. :)
Then, tomorrow is my 4th Christmas party with Brickman. That meant the Food Drive I started back in 2008 was in its 4th year this year, and we dropped off today. 3,399 pounds donated, and that doesn't even count one of the branches. Last year's total? 1,397. I am SO PROUD of the people I work with. One of my supervisors (not even salaried) handed me $150 on Tuesday to go towards the mass shopping trip I did today. This kid is younger than me, married. I almost burst into tears when he explained that "My wife & I budgeted for this. This is half our grocery budget for the month; we can afford it. We're very blessed." I about fell over. When it was all said and done, my branch collected almost 1600 items. Absolutely amazed and a little proud, too. They say 1 pound equals 1 meal, generally, so we just fed about 4,000 people.
Babies will come. Cowboys will be my Cowboys. We'll never have enough money. Work will always be work. But day after day, year after year, I'm astounded at the generosity of others, and even proud of the way I was raised. We don't need decorations, or lights, or stockings hung to be thankful for the life we DO have. We don't have to depend on a food bank for our daily meals. We have enough money to buy little things for our loved ones. We are blessed by groups of friends who open their homes when we're coming in from out of town and always make time to see us for dinner, or drinks, or whatever, when we get to see each other, which isn't nearly often enough. We're going to be surrounded by those who love us most next weekend for Christmas, and I'll get to sit next to the people who mean the most to me in this world during Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve.
That's everything I need.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Facebook failure
You know, Facebook is good for a lot of things.
Keeping in touch with family and friends. Stalking "acquaintances" from high school, just to see what they're up to. Seeing pictures of those you don't see nearly often enough in real life. Finding friends near and far who share your passions. Getting ideas. Reading the news in your hometown.
But you know what else I'm finding?
Facebook is really good at making you feel like you're a complete and utter failure at life.
I'm not losing and haven't lost any weight recently. I don't run nearly as much as I used to. I haven't even started my Christmas shopping, let alone wrapped it and hidden it under the tree. Chris and I are trying for a baby and here I am with friends popping out their 2nd, 3rd, 4th.....babies. At our age. I don't have a social life (or much of one). The biggest hobby in my life (as always) is following the Cowboys. My job is so-so. I enjoy it probably slightly more than the average person, but I don't necessarily feel like I've found my life's calling. I don't pray enough. I eat way more than enough. I don't keep in close enough touch with friends. My marriage is (far from) perfect. My family is completely nuts. And the list goes on........
There was an article in.....Cosmo? I think not too long ago about the dangers of facebook and how it can cause women to start unfairly comparing themselves to all their "friends" on facebook. How most people aren't going to put up the worst parts of their lives (God knows I don't) for all to see, they're mostly going to put up all the great things. Great things don't happen to everyone, everyday. Everyone has ups and downs. It's just so easy to forget that though, on facebook.
Here's what I do know.
Chris & I have made it through some of the hardest things a couple can go through, and we're still together. I'm ALLOWED to be stupidly passionate about the Cowboys b/c you know what? I don't have any kids. It's not like I'm neglecting buying my kids clothes when I pay $35/ month for the NFL Ticket. Chris and I may have been together for almost 9 years, but we can still fight with the best of 'em, over the littlest things. Does that make me doubt that we'll be good parents just b/c we have disagreements? Hell no. My job doesn't pay nearly enough, but you know what? It's a job. And it's a job that I am good at. And it's a job that I (most/ some days) enjoy. I don't get summer vacations, I don't get spring breaks, I don't get Christmas vacations, I don't get fall breaks, but that's okay. I work just as hard as anyone else and I'm proud of that. I manage to sock a little away every pay period to put into a 401k. We make enough combined to go out every once in awhile and do something fun. I talk to my parents and siblings often. I don't talk to college friends near often enough, but there's a point in everyone's life where people start to drift apart and away from each other. Being 4 hours away from everyone doesn't help.
It may be the hardest thing EVER, but I may have to take a break from facebook for awhile. Bring myself back down to Earth and remind myself that my life is, as a matter of fact, pretty good. We do ok. And the only person who can change that is Chris or me. Not what anyone else does, or says, or thinks.
Keeping in touch with family and friends. Stalking "acquaintances" from high school, just to see what they're up to. Seeing pictures of those you don't see nearly often enough in real life. Finding friends near and far who share your passions. Getting ideas. Reading the news in your hometown.
But you know what else I'm finding?
Facebook is really good at making you feel like you're a complete and utter failure at life.
I'm not losing and haven't lost any weight recently. I don't run nearly as much as I used to. I haven't even started my Christmas shopping, let alone wrapped it and hidden it under the tree. Chris and I are trying for a baby and here I am with friends popping out their 2nd, 3rd, 4th.....babies. At our age. I don't have a social life (or much of one). The biggest hobby in my life (as always) is following the Cowboys. My job is so-so. I enjoy it probably slightly more than the average person, but I don't necessarily feel like I've found my life's calling. I don't pray enough. I eat way more than enough. I don't keep in close enough touch with friends. My marriage is (far from) perfect. My family is completely nuts. And the list goes on........
There was an article in.....Cosmo? I think not too long ago about the dangers of facebook and how it can cause women to start unfairly comparing themselves to all their "friends" on facebook. How most people aren't going to put up the worst parts of their lives (God knows I don't) for all to see, they're mostly going to put up all the great things. Great things don't happen to everyone, everyday. Everyone has ups and downs. It's just so easy to forget that though, on facebook.
Here's what I do know.
Chris & I have made it through some of the hardest things a couple can go through, and we're still together. I'm ALLOWED to be stupidly passionate about the Cowboys b/c you know what? I don't have any kids. It's not like I'm neglecting buying my kids clothes when I pay $35/ month for the NFL Ticket. Chris and I may have been together for almost 9 years, but we can still fight with the best of 'em, over the littlest things. Does that make me doubt that we'll be good parents just b/c we have disagreements? Hell no. My job doesn't pay nearly enough, but you know what? It's a job. And it's a job that I am good at. And it's a job that I (most/ some days) enjoy. I don't get summer vacations, I don't get spring breaks, I don't get Christmas vacations, I don't get fall breaks, but that's okay. I work just as hard as anyone else and I'm proud of that. I manage to sock a little away every pay period to put into a 401k. We make enough combined to go out every once in awhile and do something fun. I talk to my parents and siblings often. I don't talk to college friends near often enough, but there's a point in everyone's life where people start to drift apart and away from each other. Being 4 hours away from everyone doesn't help.
It may be the hardest thing EVER, but I may have to take a break from facebook for awhile. Bring myself back down to Earth and remind myself that my life is, as a matter of fact, pretty good. We do ok. And the only person who can change that is Chris or me. Not what anyone else does, or says, or thinks.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Decisions
Yesterday, I made a decision. I decided I was TIRED of being back in my non-skinny-ish pants....I was TIRED of looking through last year's pictures and being disgusted with my current self b/c I KNOW what it takes....I was TIRED of just feeling like CRAP.
So, yesterday, I did 3 things. I got about 50 oz of water in (not 64, but a lot more than I've been drinking recently), I put my running shoes on and ran (jogged) for 2.03 miles (further than I've ran anytime in the last month, and it was slow, but I did it) and lastly, instead of a little ice cream after dinner, I had a yogurt. Today was more of the same....more water during the day and just finished a quick (1.5 miles, but more painful than yesterday) run.
Getting back to it isn't easy - it's HARD. But I didn't get back to my current self overnight, so fixing it isn't going to happen overnight, either.
There is no magic number on the scale. Not for me. Last year, I thought there was, but as I lingered around the 10-pounds-away mark, I felt GOOD. I didn't feel like I was depriving myself (WHAT?! Still able to eat Olive Garden!?!? Yes. It's true. But instead of 3 breadsticks, a salad [which, by the way, by the bowl - THREE HUNDRED CALORIES] and a full meal, I'd have ONE breadstick, a couple bites of salad, and HALF my dinner [I'd immediately ask for a to-go box and box half of my meal as soon as it came out b/c I tend to pick at food if it's in front of me]? McDonalds? SURE! But instead of a large Big Mac meal, I'd order a Happy Meal), I had the highest cardio endurance I could remember, and I wasn't disgusted with myself in pictures.
I want to get back to that place. The place where all of my currently-2-sizes-too-small pants are back on my shelf that's in reach. The place where I don't cringe at a picture of myself. The place where I just. feel. better. about. myself.
That's all. As it gets colder outside and darker earlier, it's going to be hard to keep myself motivated. But as Chris and I continue talking about and trying to start a family, I need to start taking better of myself.
Wait. Let me rephrase.
".....I WILL start taking better care of myself."
Period.
So, yesterday, I did 3 things. I got about 50 oz of water in (not 64, but a lot more than I've been drinking recently), I put my running shoes on and ran (jogged) for 2.03 miles (further than I've ran anytime in the last month, and it was slow, but I did it) and lastly, instead of a little ice cream after dinner, I had a yogurt. Today was more of the same....more water during the day and just finished a quick (1.5 miles, but more painful than yesterday) run.
Getting back to it isn't easy - it's HARD. But I didn't get back to my current self overnight, so fixing it isn't going to happen overnight, either.
There is no magic number on the scale. Not for me. Last year, I thought there was, but as I lingered around the 10-pounds-away mark, I felt GOOD. I didn't feel like I was depriving myself (WHAT?! Still able to eat Olive Garden!?!? Yes. It's true. But instead of 3 breadsticks, a salad [which, by the way, by the bowl - THREE HUNDRED CALORIES] and a full meal, I'd have ONE breadstick, a couple bites of salad, and HALF my dinner [I'd immediately ask for a to-go box and box half of my meal as soon as it came out b/c I tend to pick at food if it's in front of me]? McDonalds? SURE! But instead of a large Big Mac meal, I'd order a Happy Meal), I had the highest cardio endurance I could remember, and I wasn't disgusted with myself in pictures.
I want to get back to that place. The place where all of my currently-2-sizes-too-small pants are back on my shelf that's in reach. The place where I don't cringe at a picture of myself. The place where I just. feel. better. about. myself.
That's all. As it gets colder outside and darker earlier, it's going to be hard to keep myself motivated. But as Chris and I continue talking about and trying to start a family, I need to start taking better of myself.
Wait. Let me rephrase.
".....I WILL start taking better care of myself."
Period.
Friday, November 4, 2011
November??!
What a crazy couple of weeks this has been. In short:
1. We moved into a cute little rental house on the 15/16. We love it and everything big is unpacked and in place, but all of the little things (hanging pictures, unpacking non-everyday clothes, unpacking the randoms) just need to get done b/c the random unsettledness is driving me crazy.
2. Chris' parents were over on the 22/23. We had a very relaxing and low key weekend - nothing big to report. The most exciting thing from the weekend was buying a new programmable thermostat for the house that Chris' stepdad installed.
3. Snow is coming. Work is getting crazy. It's my 4th snow season with Brickman, but 1st at the new branch....always a lot of work.
4. Thanksgiving is now less than 3 weeks away. Which means Christmas is a mere 7 weeks away. We are in no shape or form prepared for either holiday.
5. Cowboys have managed to grab losses from the jaws of victory 3 times this season (@ the Jets, home vs Detroit and on the road @ the Patriots) and just lay a big turd another game this past weekend to be 3-4 going into this weekend. Thankfully, the hardest part of our schedule is now behind while the rest of our division has tough months ahead. No one expected Dallas to do better than 9-7 or 8-8, but now that they're in the season, they're getting slammed for not leading the division after 8 weeks. Lame.
6. Still no baby. Trying to relax and not overthink it, but it's hard to "just let it happen." How does one do that, exactly? How do you spend a good portion of your late teens & early 20s doing everything POSSIBLE to prevent and then all of a sudden "oh, just have fun with it! God will let it happen in His own time!" If one more person tells me to just "relax," I'm going to flip. out. I'm doing my best people, but my slightly anal-retentive nature is hard to overcome. I know a baby will come in its own sweet time; I'm just used at being good at things the first time I try them :-\ ((That came out really conceited, but I just mean in things like school and numbers, etc........))
7. Not huge baseball fans in the King household although my dad has always loved the Cardinals and Chris has passively followed them as long as I've known him, so it was fun to watch St. Louis come from out of nowhere to win the wild card, beat the favored Phillies, win the pennant against Milwaukee & take the Rangers in 7 to win their 11th Championship ever. At least one of our teams is going somewhere this year (lame).
8. When your husband tells you to "stay between the boards" while crawling through the attic, he means to stay on the rafters. Not on the panels in between. Not following those directions causes one to almost fall completely through their kitchen ceiling, bust up their right shin & have the black and blue bruise to end all black and blue bruises on their left butt cheek. Ouch. Needless to say, we have not been able to get internet and cable to the bedroom we need it in; I'm typing this post from the buffet in the kitchen. Oh well. We'll get there......eventually.
9. I'm doing absolutely nothing between now and Sunday. I may not even bathe. Okay, I'll bathe. But after moving 3 weekends ago, Chris' parents 2 weekends ago, getting our apartment closed up last week......then next weekend I'm going to E-ville with my mom and sister, weekend after that friends are coming, weekend after that is Thanksgiving, weekend after that is DECEMBER.......yeah, doing. nothing. this weekend.
10. That is all...........looking forward to the coolest day in history, ever - 11.11.11 - my 28th birthday ;-)
1. We moved into a cute little rental house on the 15/16. We love it and everything big is unpacked and in place, but all of the little things (hanging pictures, unpacking non-everyday clothes, unpacking the randoms) just need to get done b/c the random unsettledness is driving me crazy.
2. Chris' parents were over on the 22/23. We had a very relaxing and low key weekend - nothing big to report. The most exciting thing from the weekend was buying a new programmable thermostat for the house that Chris' stepdad installed.
3. Snow is coming. Work is getting crazy. It's my 4th snow season with Brickman, but 1st at the new branch....always a lot of work.
4. Thanksgiving is now less than 3 weeks away. Which means Christmas is a mere 7 weeks away. We are in no shape or form prepared for either holiday.
5. Cowboys have managed to grab losses from the jaws of victory 3 times this season (@ the Jets, home vs Detroit and on the road @ the Patriots) and just lay a big turd another game this past weekend to be 3-4 going into this weekend. Thankfully, the hardest part of our schedule is now behind while the rest of our division has tough months ahead. No one expected Dallas to do better than 9-7 or 8-8, but now that they're in the season, they're getting slammed for not leading the division after 8 weeks. Lame.
6. Still no baby. Trying to relax and not overthink it, but it's hard to "just let it happen." How does one do that, exactly? How do you spend a good portion of your late teens & early 20s doing everything POSSIBLE to prevent and then all of a sudden "oh, just have fun with it! God will let it happen in His own time!" If one more person tells me to just "relax," I'm going to flip. out. I'm doing my best people, but my slightly anal-retentive nature is hard to overcome. I know a baby will come in its own sweet time; I'm just used at being good at things the first time I try them :-\ ((That came out really conceited, but I just mean in things like school and numbers, etc........))
7. Not huge baseball fans in the King household although my dad has always loved the Cardinals and Chris has passively followed them as long as I've known him, so it was fun to watch St. Louis come from out of nowhere to win the wild card, beat the favored Phillies, win the pennant against Milwaukee & take the Rangers in 7 to win their 11th Championship ever. At least one of our teams is going somewhere this year (lame).
8. When your husband tells you to "stay between the boards" while crawling through the attic, he means to stay on the rafters. Not on the panels in between. Not following those directions causes one to almost fall completely through their kitchen ceiling, bust up their right shin & have the black and blue bruise to end all black and blue bruises on their left butt cheek. Ouch. Needless to say, we have not been able to get internet and cable to the bedroom we need it in; I'm typing this post from the buffet in the kitchen. Oh well. We'll get there......eventually.
9. I'm doing absolutely nothing between now and Sunday. I may not even bathe. Okay, I'll bathe. But after moving 3 weekends ago, Chris' parents 2 weekends ago, getting our apartment closed up last week......then next weekend I'm going to E-ville with my mom and sister, weekend after that friends are coming, weekend after that is Thanksgiving, weekend after that is DECEMBER.......yeah, doing. nothing. this weekend.
10. That is all...........looking forward to the coolest day in history, ever - 11.11.11 - my 28th birthday ;-)
Friday, October 14, 2011
Holy October Batman
Its been awhile (almost 4 weeks, are you serious?!) since I wrote last. In a nutshell, the last month of my life:
Ran a 5K on 10/8 almost 6 minutes slower than the same race last year. Disgusted by it, I've tried to not think about it really since then, but it sickens me how just this side of 5.5 months ago I ran almost 4.5x that distance. Lame. Have. Got. To. Get. Back. To. Running. Or the gym. Or ANYTHING....
Friends Blake & Katie cancelled on us for this weekend on Tuesday which sucked, but turned out to be a good thing b/c our landlord called Wednesday night and we get to get into our house TOMORROW and not be charged until the end of the month as previously agreed!! So....the last 2 nights have been busy and frantic packing nights but at least we're getting it out of the way instead of letting it hang over our heads for 2 more weeks. PLUS, with Chris' fam coming over next weekend, they'll be able to see the new place! Have I mentioned how STOKED I am that tonight will be the last night EVER (I pray) to ever sleep in an apartment? Whether or not we stay in this house after our 2-year-lease-with-option-to-buy-anytime ends is obviously still up in the air, but I can't WAIT to be in a house, with a yard, and a garage, and 3 bedrooms.....
Why 3 bedrooms? Hopefully Baby King will make its pending arrival known sooner rather than later! Pray for baby dust. :)
Another good thing about the house? It's literally 2.0 miles down the road from my work. I GPS'd it. 2.0 miles. No more 35/ 40 minutes to go 15 miles at 6:30am. STOKED.
Cowboys had a bye last week and while it couldn't have come at a better time to get the team healthy, it means I've had to chew on the loss to the Lions for 12 days now. Who blows a TWENTY FOUR POINT LEAD to end up losing? Oh, no other team than Dallas, that's for damn sure.
So tonight it's more frantic packing and tomorrow moving all our big stuff and most of our little stuff, and then we'll have 2 weeks to get everything wrapped up at the old place. Just ready to be SETTLED!!
Oh, and who can believe Thanksgiving is a mere 41 days away, and Christmas just 72 away??!?! Seriously......how is it the middle of October already?
Ran a 5K on 10/8 almost 6 minutes slower than the same race last year. Disgusted by it, I've tried to not think about it really since then, but it sickens me how just this side of 5.5 months ago I ran almost 4.5x that distance. Lame. Have. Got. To. Get. Back. To. Running. Or the gym. Or ANYTHING....
Friends Blake & Katie cancelled on us for this weekend on Tuesday which sucked, but turned out to be a good thing b/c our landlord called Wednesday night and we get to get into our house TOMORROW and not be charged until the end of the month as previously agreed!! So....the last 2 nights have been busy and frantic packing nights but at least we're getting it out of the way instead of letting it hang over our heads for 2 more weeks. PLUS, with Chris' fam coming over next weekend, they'll be able to see the new place! Have I mentioned how STOKED I am that tonight will be the last night EVER (I pray) to ever sleep in an apartment? Whether or not we stay in this house after our 2-year-lease-with-option-to-buy-anytime ends is obviously still up in the air, but I can't WAIT to be in a house, with a yard, and a garage, and 3 bedrooms.....
Why 3 bedrooms? Hopefully Baby King will make its pending arrival known sooner rather than later! Pray for baby dust. :)
Another good thing about the house? It's literally 2.0 miles down the road from my work. I GPS'd it. 2.0 miles. No more 35/ 40 minutes to go 15 miles at 6:30am. STOKED.
Cowboys had a bye last week and while it couldn't have come at a better time to get the team healthy, it means I've had to chew on the loss to the Lions for 12 days now. Who blows a TWENTY FOUR POINT LEAD to end up losing? Oh, no other team than Dallas, that's for damn sure.
So tonight it's more frantic packing and tomorrow moving all our big stuff and most of our little stuff, and then we'll have 2 weeks to get everything wrapped up at the old place. Just ready to be SETTLED!!
Oh, and who can believe Thanksgiving is a mere 41 days away, and Christmas just 72 away??!?! Seriously......how is it the middle of October already?
Monday, September 19, 2011
The Last Month - By The Numbers
I haven't blogged in awhile. A lot has happened. I like numbers. That being said, as my little brother says, "leggo!"
3: number of years Chris & I celebrated 3 weeks ago tomorrow. 3 years already?!? It's hard to believe that that gorgeous, sunny day at the end of August in 2008 was 3 years ago. That also means that it has been 3 years since our glorious honeymoon in Jamaica (one of my fave pictures from that trip, left. Typical "Chris & Nikki picture" - Chris is not amused, I'm making up for it with a goofy face). We WILL get back there someday.......hopefully sooner rather than later!
10: years since the tragic attacks of 9/11/01. 10 years since just another normal Tuesday at good 'ole Terre Haute South, in my senior year, in my first hour classroom with Ms. Minar (Newspaper). I was calling local radio stations in a small room off the classroom to see if we could get some airtime about a carwash, when a DJ rudely hung up on me, informing me that they were "more worried about our country at the moment." Laughing, I walked back into the classroom, talking about what a jerk that DJ had been. At that moment, someone had turned on the classroom TV (was there a PA announcement? I can't remember), and somehow, it was turned on just in time for us to see the 2nd plane hit. I remember what I was wearing (dark blue jeans from Pac Sun and a dark red Aeropostale hoodie that belonged to a cousin of my boyfriend), I remember my jaw dropping, I remember having the feeling of such disbelief, of such helplessness as we started seeing people jump to their deaths. It was truly this generation's defining moment, much like our parents & parents' parents remember the assassination of JFK. The 10 year anniversary of that tragic day also means Chris & I's 10th HS Reunion is coming up, probably in late spring of 2012. How is that possible?! Hes already informed we're not going. We'll see. :)
2: games that the Cowboys have played so far in the regular season
2: games that have nearly given me heart attacks; fortunately, the game in SF yesterday turned out better than the game that we *%)(^$&^*@^%^)!$ gave away to the New York Jets last Sunday night. They better be ready for next Monday night against NFCE rival Redskins, because my blood pressure really can't handle it. Thankfully, that game will be at Cowboys Stadium for the home opener (of course they've been on both coasts already to open the season). Hopefully, Romo's rib & lung (punctured lung yesterday and he still played??!?) heal up enough to play Monday night b/c we'll need him!!!!
1: wedding we've attended - Chris' sister was married on 9/10 (yes, they realized it would be 9/10/11), and it was a beautiful wedding. Dramatic, petty & immature bridesmaid aside (the "other" SIL), it was a really wonderful day. Jenn had been married before - back when Chris & I had started dating in July of 2003. Jenn was only 20 that summer, and that wedding just had a completely different feel than the one she just had. It was her new husband's first wedding, and his family really went as "all out" as they could. They were just so happy and just got back from their honeymoon in Montego Bay Saturday. Congrats Mr. & Mrs. Stephens!
It is going to be a blazing fast next 6 weeks. We have 2 free weekends, and then literally not a free moment until November. 10/8 I will be in TH running in the same 5K I did last year (all proceeds going to Concerns Of Police Survivors - COPS - this year it will have truly significant meaning with the tragic death of 30-year old Police Officer Brent Long from THPD earlier this year). 10/15, Chris' fraternity brother & his wife Katie are coming over to visit. 10/22, Chris' parents will be here. 10/29.......we are moving. To where, you ask? Oh.....no idea yet. We just know our lease is up 10/31, and we signed our official notice of vacating Saturday. Enough with these apartments. Hopefully, we'll find a house to rent, b/c I am tired of apartment living.
Fall is here, I love it, I just hate what comes next. Hoodies, football & cider, oh my! ;-)
2: games that the Cowboys have played so far in the regular season
2: games that have nearly given me heart attacks; fortunately, the game in SF yesterday turned out better than the game that we *%)(^$&^*@^%^)!$ gave away to the New York Jets last Sunday night. They better be ready for next Monday night against NFCE rival Redskins, because my blood pressure really can't handle it. Thankfully, that game will be at Cowboys Stadium for the home opener (of course they've been on both coasts already to open the season). Hopefully, Romo's rib & lung (punctured lung yesterday and he still played??!?) heal up enough to play Monday night b/c we'll need him!!!!
1: wedding we've attended - Chris' sister was married on 9/10 (yes, they realized it would be 9/10/11), and it was a beautiful wedding. Dramatic, petty & immature bridesmaid aside (the "other" SIL), it was a really wonderful day. Jenn had been married before - back when Chris & I had started dating in July of 2003. Jenn was only 20 that summer, and that wedding just had a completely different feel than the one she just had. It was her new husband's first wedding, and his family really went as "all out" as they could. They were just so happy and just got back from their honeymoon in Montego Bay Saturday. Congrats Mr. & Mrs. Stephens!
It is going to be a blazing fast next 6 weeks. We have 2 free weekends, and then literally not a free moment until November. 10/8 I will be in TH running in the same 5K I did last year (all proceeds going to Concerns Of Police Survivors - COPS - this year it will have truly significant meaning with the tragic death of 30-year old Police Officer Brent Long from THPD earlier this year). 10/15, Chris' fraternity brother & his wife Katie are coming over to visit. 10/22, Chris' parents will be here. 10/29.......we are moving. To where, you ask? Oh.....no idea yet. We just know our lease is up 10/31, and we signed our official notice of vacating Saturday. Enough with these apartments. Hopefully, we'll find a house to rent, b/c I am tired of apartment living.
Fall is here, I love it, I just hate what comes next. Hoodies, football & cider, oh my! ;-)
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Is it really worth it?
Chris and I own some pretty expensive things. TVs, computers, cell phones, jewelry. But nothing is as expensive as the two pieces of paper that are currently still in their original holders from Ball State: our degrees from college.
I was very lucky and blessed that the only debt I had out of college was of my own decision. A couple small credit cards (and one stolen which was a huge mess, but has since been taken care of) and that's it. Chris wasn't so lucky.....we'll leave it at that. Suffice it to say that thank GOD we both didn't have student loans coming out of college; we'd be living in a box. Student loans, college, all of it - is a really frustrating situation. Here we sit, and friends of mine sit, thinking we did the right thing - going to college, getting our degrees, getting "ahead." HA.
I started seeing the effects of my decision to "get ahead" shortly after I graduated........I was passed up for an Assistant Manager position at a bank - the girl who got it ahead of me didn't have a college degree, but while I was sitting in classes for 4 years about business calculus, fundamentals of accounting & finance, marketing, management, history, art history, math, gym, IT, auditing, tax & nonprofit accounting, she was busy working 40 hours a week, getting that invaluable experience, and lo and behold - she ended up ahead of me. I know friends who have faced the same thing since we've all graduated....working jobs that are entry level or barely above.........watching our degree-less friends advance within their careers and make double (or way more) money than we do. And it frankly pisses me off.
We're going to have to make some pretty big financial decisions and moves in the next couple of months, and those are scary. I know we're both fortunate to have good jobs (with only decent-ish pay, but whatever) and we could be a lot worse off than we are. We've been careful in our planning of house buying/ baby making/ big purchase deciding since we've been married and it has, for the most part, paid off. So far this year, we've paid off 3 credit cards and I'm now in full "snowballing" mode on any and everything else that I can.
But the question remains: were those 2 degrees worth it? Worth the "experience" we traded in for them while in college, worth the seemingly insurmountable financial challenges they brought about the day we got those pieces of paper?
Right now.......I say no.
I was very lucky and blessed that the only debt I had out of college was of my own decision. A couple small credit cards (and one stolen which was a huge mess, but has since been taken care of) and that's it. Chris wasn't so lucky.....we'll leave it at that. Suffice it to say that thank GOD we both didn't have student loans coming out of college; we'd be living in a box. Student loans, college, all of it - is a really frustrating situation. Here we sit, and friends of mine sit, thinking we did the right thing - going to college, getting our degrees, getting "ahead." HA.
I started seeing the effects of my decision to "get ahead" shortly after I graduated........I was passed up for an Assistant Manager position at a bank - the girl who got it ahead of me didn't have a college degree, but while I was sitting in classes for 4 years about business calculus, fundamentals of accounting & finance, marketing, management, history, art history, math, gym, IT, auditing, tax & nonprofit accounting, she was busy working 40 hours a week, getting that invaluable experience, and lo and behold - she ended up ahead of me. I know friends who have faced the same thing since we've all graduated....working jobs that are entry level or barely above.........watching our degree-less friends advance within their careers and make double (or way more) money than we do. And it frankly pisses me off.
We're going to have to make some pretty big financial decisions and moves in the next couple of months, and those are scary. I know we're both fortunate to have good jobs (with only decent-ish pay, but whatever) and we could be a lot worse off than we are. We've been careful in our planning of house buying/ baby making/ big purchase deciding since we've been married and it has, for the most part, paid off. So far this year, we've paid off 3 credit cards and I'm now in full "snowballing" mode on any and everything else that I can.
But the question remains: were those 2 degrees worth it? Worth the "experience" we traded in for them while in college, worth the seemingly insurmountable financial challenges they brought about the day we got those pieces of paper?
Right now.......I say no.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Sweet Summertime
I love summer. I really do. I love the hot weather (as long as I have A/C!), I love sitting by the pool, I love running in the heat (way more than I love running in the snow) ((not that I've done as much running this summer as I did last)), I love being able to just throw on some shorts, flips & a tank top and go, unlike winter where's it's a 45 minute process just to get bundled up enough to go outside, let alone get your car deiced and warmed up.
But seriously, there is nothing more I like more in the summer than grilling out. Or, I should say, I love that I married a man that is really good at grilling out :) Every single Sunday since Memorial Day, we've grilled out something......steaks (mmm), chicken legs, beer can chicken (What? You've never tried it? Trust me. Try it - amazing), salmon, or probably my favorite - tilapia cooked in aluminum bags with veggies. Tonight, we had it again, cooked with squash, zucchini, mushrooms, tomatoes, green peppers & onions. DELISH.
There are, by my account, 25 more days of summer, and I intend on making the most of them. If only nasty cold and snow didn't come right after, I'd love fall even more - hoodie weather, apple-y/ cinnomon-y/ pumpkin-y scented candles, sleeping with the windows down and of course....football! Two weeks from tonight, my friends, right from this very moment, it'll be about halftime of the Cowboys/ Jets game. Bring it on!
But seriously, there is nothing more I like more in the summer than grilling out. Or, I should say, I love that I married a man that is really good at grilling out :) Every single Sunday since Memorial Day, we've grilled out something......steaks (mmm), chicken legs, beer can chicken (What? You've never tried it? Trust me. Try it - amazing), salmon, or probably my favorite - tilapia cooked in aluminum bags with veggies. Tonight, we had it again, cooked with squash, zucchini, mushrooms, tomatoes, green peppers & onions. DELISH.
There are, by my account, 25 more days of summer, and I intend on making the most of them. If only nasty cold and snow didn't come right after, I'd love fall even more - hoodie weather, apple-y/ cinnomon-y/ pumpkin-y scented candles, sleeping with the windows down and of course....football! Two weeks from tonight, my friends, right from this very moment, it'll be about halftime of the Cowboys/ Jets game. Bring it on!
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Pelatonia & New Kickoff Rule
Two very random thoughts.
1. My boss did his first ever Pelatonia ride this past week (102 miles!) to help raise money for cancer research at The James Hospital here in Columbus. He actually got to ride with The Limited Brands (they are a huge customer with two headquarter campuses here) and finished in just around 6 hours. Me, on the other hands - my legs would've fallen off. His sister is a photographer and put together a little slideshow which I thought was really neat. I told him I'm in next year! For some reason, 102 miles on a bike is a little easier to wrap my head around than a full 26.2 mile marathon. Who woulda thought?
2. The new kickoff rule in the NFL (kicking off from the 35 instead of the 30) is stupid. There goes another exciting part of football. On a good note, though, regular season starts in a mere 16 days! YEAH!!!!
That is all for now. Ready to get the rest of this week over with, then the hell that is month end next week over with......because the week after THAT, we have Labor Day off, work for two days, then off for 5 days straight - I am STOKED. We're going to Cincinatti (or maybe Indy.....undecided) for Wednesday/ Thursday.....then back in Terre Haute Friday - Sunday for my SIL's wedding, then off Monday because the Cowboys have their first Sunday nighter 9/11.
Yes, I'm that person who takes vacation days on the days after my team plays late nights. :)
1. My boss did his first ever Pelatonia ride this past week (102 miles!) to help raise money for cancer research at The James Hospital here in Columbus. He actually got to ride with The Limited Brands (they are a huge customer with two headquarter campuses here) and finished in just around 6 hours. Me, on the other hands - my legs would've fallen off. His sister is a photographer and put together a little slideshow which I thought was really neat. I told him I'm in next year! For some reason, 102 miles on a bike is a little easier to wrap my head around than a full 26.2 mile marathon. Who woulda thought?
2. The new kickoff rule in the NFL (kicking off from the 35 instead of the 30) is stupid. There goes another exciting part of football. On a good note, though, regular season starts in a mere 16 days! YEAH!!!!
That is all for now. Ready to get the rest of this week over with, then the hell that is month end next week over with......because the week after THAT, we have Labor Day off, work for two days, then off for 5 days straight - I am STOKED. We're going to Cincinatti (or maybe Indy.....undecided) for Wednesday/ Thursday.....then back in Terre Haute Friday - Sunday for my SIL's wedding, then off Monday because the Cowboys have their first Sunday nighter 9/11.
Yes, I'm that person who takes vacation days on the days after my team plays late nights. :)
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Car Shopping
No wonder used car salesmen get such a bad rep.
We drove about 25 miles to the other side of town today to one of the most advertised, biggest new/ used car lots in the city. We had looked a few online so we went in knowing kind of what we wanted to look at.
Out of the 3 we had written down, only 1 was available to see. (?!?).
It was a 200....7? Jeep Liberty, red (Redskins red, I called it), very pretty, but the A/C only worked on level 4, the check engine light was on (the guy told us it was b/c it had a loose gas cap....um, no), and Chris was suspicious of it when after we had test drove it, it started smelling "hot."
Next.
We came across another vehicle that surprise! we had actually seen online. A silver Chevy Trailblazer, good mileage, blah blah blah.......oh, it was in the process of a loan. Damnit.
Next.
A 2007 Saturn Vue, black, 72,000 miles. Wasn't that impressed with it, but thought we might run some numbers to see what kind of payment schemes we could come up with that were in that car's range.
The guy thought we were ready to drive off the lot with it right then. Um, no. Especially since we weren't prepared to pay the taxes upfront today (pretty sure in Indiana you have 30 days, maybe I'm wrong) and especially since I wasn't sold on the Saturn. You should have heard this guy. I could tell Chris was getting irritated, especially since he needed to get out of town. Chris said, "Well, we really want to just compare pricing and things, thanks for your help," stuck out his hand.......and the guy doesn't shake it, just keeps talking. Says he'll be right back with his card. Okay, great.
Nope, his SUPERVISOR comes over next to talk to us, and Chris is just DONE. Walks out. I'm left feeling awkward and apologetic even though I was annoyed too. Explained to the guy that we felt pushed even though we told the guy we were "just looking" after he came up to us after about 15 seconds of us being out of our car.
Sigh.
Looks like I'm sticking with the 'Bu for awhile longer.
We drove about 25 miles to the other side of town today to one of the most advertised, biggest new/ used car lots in the city. We had looked a few online so we went in knowing kind of what we wanted to look at.
Out of the 3 we had written down, only 1 was available to see. (?!?).
It was a 200....7? Jeep Liberty, red (Redskins red, I called it), very pretty, but the A/C only worked on level 4, the check engine light was on (the guy told us it was b/c it had a loose gas cap....um, no), and Chris was suspicious of it when after we had test drove it, it started smelling "hot."
Next.
We came across another vehicle that surprise! we had actually seen online. A silver Chevy Trailblazer, good mileage, blah blah blah.......oh, it was in the process of a loan. Damnit.
Next.
A 2007 Saturn Vue, black, 72,000 miles. Wasn't that impressed with it, but thought we might run some numbers to see what kind of payment schemes we could come up with that were in that car's range.
The guy thought we were ready to drive off the lot with it right then. Um, no. Especially since we weren't prepared to pay the taxes upfront today (pretty sure in Indiana you have 30 days, maybe I'm wrong) and especially since I wasn't sold on the Saturn. You should have heard this guy. I could tell Chris was getting irritated, especially since he needed to get out of town. Chris said, "Well, we really want to just compare pricing and things, thanks for your help," stuck out his hand.......and the guy doesn't shake it, just keeps talking. Says he'll be right back with his card. Okay, great.
Nope, his SUPERVISOR comes over next to talk to us, and Chris is just DONE. Walks out. I'm left feeling awkward and apologetic even though I was annoyed too. Explained to the guy that we felt pushed even though we told the guy we were "just looking" after he came up to us after about 15 seconds of us being out of our car.
Sigh.
Looks like I'm sticking with the 'Bu for awhile longer.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Lame
I really wish I had the ability to magically blog about things as soon as they come to me, or happen to me........because when I actually sit down to write ANYthing, everything I was GOING to write about.....flits away. Seems so much less significant than it did when it happened, or when I thought about it.
Random thoughts 'o the day:
1. "How do you make God laugh? Tell Him your plans." Isn't that the truth...not that we're even technically "trying" yet....not that my body even seems to want to cooperate since I took my friend Ashley's advice and bought some ovulation tests "just because" last month - and from days 10 to 20 not one teeny tiny little sign of having anything even there TO fertilize....but whatever.....here I woke up this morning, day 36, later than I've ever been in my life....didn't even allow myself to hope for anything, and it's a good thing, because Mother Nature had another great laugh at my expense this afternoon. Stupid bitch.
2. My job......stresses me out. The people, the work, the industry, the day-to-day business of it, the constant drama that seems to surround my job anymore - exhausts me. I hesitate to go into it any further but I truly wonder somedays how much longer I can last before I literally lose my mind. I used to love my job and I truly do love what I do - just not the "who" of my job. I thankfully got another raise recently, although it's hard to call something that will net you about $30 extra per month a raise, but whatever. I know, I know. Better than 0. But 0 is at least honest. Sometimes raises like the one I got feel like more of a slap in the face than they do a "adda girl." There are indeed some 9-5, straight 40-hour-workweeks out there, but my job sure as hell isn't one of them. I come in early, I'm there late, I'm there weekends. I've brought work home and I do work from home when I'm sick and on vacation. What I wouldn't give for a summer vacation.......!
3. Speaking of that, I heard on the radio the other day that people who have desk jobs are at an exponentially higher risk for heart attacks/ heart disease than those who are up moving around (ie factory work, teachers, nurses, doctors, movers and landscapers, what have you) in their jobs. At first I was alarmed because I thought to myself, 'Yeah, most days I come and sure feel like collapsing instead of running or anything else' - but then someone called in and said, "I think that it has to do less with those desk job people moving around less and more with the stress that those with desk jobs have to deal with." Amen.
4. Hopefully, by the end of the weekend, I will have a new (to me) car. The Malibu is just under 150,000 miles and we have just poured money into it as of late. New tires, new brake work, hub bearing replacement, more brake work. I've had it since January of 2005 when it had about 60,000 miles on it, and I have driven that car EVERYwhere. Countless trips between Muncie & Terre Haute, Muncie & Columbus, Terre Haute & Columbus, plus the cross-town commutes the first year we lived here and now. I'm sad to give up a no-car-payment life, but it's time.
5. It is August 16. Holy hell. Does anyone else realize that Christmas is only 18 weeks away (sorry, Ashley!)?! Before we can even worry about that, though, we have to figure out this "we have to move out of these apartments before I go nuts and now is just not the time to buy a house" situation. Our lease doesn't end until October 31, so we have some time, but we need to get moving, and quick. I'm hoping we can rent a house......there aren't many 3 bedroom apartments anywhere, and plus........I'm tired of apartments.
6. That's about it. Hope you are all doing well in the world!!!
Random thoughts 'o the day:
1. "How do you make God laugh? Tell Him your plans." Isn't that the truth...not that we're even technically "trying" yet....not that my body even seems to want to cooperate since I took my friend Ashley's advice and bought some ovulation tests "just because" last month - and from days 10 to 20 not one teeny tiny little sign of having anything even there TO fertilize....but whatever.....here I woke up this morning, day 36, later than I've ever been in my life....didn't even allow myself to hope for anything, and it's a good thing, because Mother Nature had another great laugh at my expense this afternoon. Stupid bitch.
2. My job......stresses me out. The people, the work, the industry, the day-to-day business of it, the constant drama that seems to surround my job anymore - exhausts me. I hesitate to go into it any further but I truly wonder somedays how much longer I can last before I literally lose my mind. I used to love my job and I truly do love what I do - just not the "who" of my job. I thankfully got another raise recently, although it's hard to call something that will net you about $30 extra per month a raise, but whatever. I know, I know. Better than 0. But 0 is at least honest. Sometimes raises like the one I got feel like more of a slap in the face than they do a "adda girl." There are indeed some 9-5, straight 40-hour-workweeks out there, but my job sure as hell isn't one of them. I come in early, I'm there late, I'm there weekends. I've brought work home and I do work from home when I'm sick and on vacation. What I wouldn't give for a summer vacation.......!
3. Speaking of that, I heard on the radio the other day that people who have desk jobs are at an exponentially higher risk for heart attacks/ heart disease than those who are up moving around (ie factory work, teachers, nurses, doctors, movers and landscapers, what have you) in their jobs. At first I was alarmed because I thought to myself, 'Yeah, most days I come and sure feel like collapsing instead of running or anything else' - but then someone called in and said, "I think that it has to do less with those desk job people moving around less and more with the stress that those with desk jobs have to deal with." Amen.
4. Hopefully, by the end of the weekend, I will have a new (to me) car. The Malibu is just under 150,000 miles and we have just poured money into it as of late. New tires, new brake work, hub bearing replacement, more brake work. I've had it since January of 2005 when it had about 60,000 miles on it, and I have driven that car EVERYwhere. Countless trips between Muncie & Terre Haute, Muncie & Columbus, Terre Haute & Columbus, plus the cross-town commutes the first year we lived here and now. I'm sad to give up a no-car-payment life, but it's time.
5. It is August 16. Holy hell. Does anyone else realize that Christmas is only 18 weeks away (sorry, Ashley!)?! Before we can even worry about that, though, we have to figure out this "we have to move out of these apartments before I go nuts and now is just not the time to buy a house" situation. Our lease doesn't end until October 31, so we have some time, but we need to get moving, and quick. I'm hoping we can rent a house......there aren't many 3 bedroom apartments anywhere, and plus........I'm tired of apartments.
6. That's about it. Hope you are all doing well in the world!!!
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Frustration
I'm frustrated. I'm frustrated and angry and annoyed with myself, and there's no one to blame BUT myself. Last March, I decided I had had it with my appearance. I started watching what I ate - still eating everything I wanted, but in smaller portions. I counted everything that went in my mouth - which was good b/c I love numbers (who knew?) and was able to make it a game everyday. I did really really well. I eventually got down to 8 pounds below my wedding day weight and only about 16 pounds from where I see my realistic goal weight being.
Enter vacation. Vacation was great. A whole week in the Outer Banks, and I had never felt better about myself in a two-piece.
Enter post-vacation. Holidays and cold weather came and I had nothing to hold myself accountable for.
Enter now.
All of that weight is back. It's back! I'm disgusted with myself. Disgusted. I know how to do it. I know how to control my portions. But yet everytime I have a meal I feel like I am seeing food for the last time. Why!? I've tried to get back on the wagon a few times in the last couple of months but I just fall right off.
What the f. Seriously.
Willpower. That's what it takes. There is no quick fix (contrary to some who think there is) - it is literally your calories IN MUST be LESS than your calories OUT. That's it. I proved it last year! My mom has proven it over the last 4 years.
So, no current solutions. Just annoyed and sad when every morning I look at all my pants and capris and shorts and know that I can't fit into half of them. Or 90% of them. I'm just in "that place" right now, and it sickens me. I need to get OUT.
Secondly, and I'm going here b/c this is where I get to use this as a true journal and not just a superficial place to skim over the tops of my thoughts, so read if you will. No judging allowed. Dipshit got married this weekend (last I heard). If I had to pinpoint a single feeling about it, I couldn't. I couldn't. It's like if you mix all the colors in the rainbow up, that's what I would be. Sad, happy, ecstatic, relieved, pissed off, annoyed, pensive, hopeful. Add all those up and that's how I feel about it. It has been over a 16 months since everything blew up and ended, and that is a GOOD thing. Seriously. A good thing. It's just - I don't know how to explain it in a public place like without sounding like an idiot or that I'm still pining for him - because I'm not. I guess I just wish him well, but at the same time I know that a relationship that was started on a lie (he divorced his first wife b/c of this girl....and we all know where that relationship has been since they've been together) can't and won't end well. So that's what all I'll say.
Anyway, my parents' 30th wedding anniversary was this weekend. That's how long Chris and I have been married so far.......times 10. *!!!!!!* My sister and I collaborated over the last month to throw them a surprise get together at a restaurant in Terre Haute and it turned out really well. Well, as good as a party can turn out with peach and yellow as its colors!! :)
Enter vacation. Vacation was great. A whole week in the Outer Banks, and I had never felt better about myself in a two-piece.
Enter post-vacation. Holidays and cold weather came and I had nothing to hold myself accountable for.
Enter now.
All of that weight is back. It's back! I'm disgusted with myself. Disgusted. I know how to do it. I know how to control my portions. But yet everytime I have a meal I feel like I am seeing food for the last time. Why!? I've tried to get back on the wagon a few times in the last couple of months but I just fall right off.
What the f. Seriously.
Willpower. That's what it takes. There is no quick fix (contrary to some who think there is) - it is literally your calories IN MUST be LESS than your calories OUT. That's it. I proved it last year! My mom has proven it over the last 4 years.
So, no current solutions. Just annoyed and sad when every morning I look at all my pants and capris and shorts and know that I can't fit into half of them. Or 90% of them. I'm just in "that place" right now, and it sickens me. I need to get OUT.
Secondly, and I'm going here b/c this is where I get to use this as a true journal and not just a superficial place to skim over the tops of my thoughts, so read if you will. No judging allowed. Dipshit got married this weekend (last I heard). If I had to pinpoint a single feeling about it, I couldn't. I couldn't. It's like if you mix all the colors in the rainbow up, that's what I would be. Sad, happy, ecstatic, relieved, pissed off, annoyed, pensive, hopeful. Add all those up and that's how I feel about it. It has been over a 16 months since everything blew up and ended, and that is a GOOD thing. Seriously. A good thing. It's just - I don't know how to explain it in a public place like without sounding like an idiot or that I'm still pining for him - because I'm not. I guess I just wish him well, but at the same time I know that a relationship that was started on a lie (he divorced his first wife b/c of this girl....and we all know where that relationship has been since they've been together) can't and won't end well. So that's what all I'll say.
Anyway, my parents' 30th wedding anniversary was this weekend. That's how long Chris and I have been married so far.......times 10. *!!!!!!* My sister and I collaborated over the last month to throw them a surprise get together at a restaurant in Terre Haute and it turned out really well. Well, as good as a party can turn out with peach and yellow as its colors!! :) People still tick me off with their complete lack of etiquette and literally nobody from my dad's step-family (who've been our "step family" for longer than I've been alive) showed up, let alone responded. Whatever.
Good thing that the people who came were all wonderful and I think my mom & dad were really pleased. Aren't they cute? Yes, we made them do a cake cutting ceremony :) Dad was less than thrilled, but Megan & I looked on like proud parents and took pictures!
Work is also frustrating right now, but fortunately I don't dread going in everyday like I did before - my boss is absolutely fantastic. It's just like it never ends. I get my arms around one thing and then another thing blows up. Tired. So, so tired.
Anyway. I've been a Negative Nancy lately. Sorry. I just need to get over myself and get on with it. There a lot of exciting things coming up soon and I want to enjoy them all!
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Laughing
Sorry, folks, another venting post. I apologize. I'll be brief.
First. My parents' 30th anniversary is on Monday, and we're having a little shindig on Saturday for them. I sent out 20 invites, probably 45 people in total, and I've heard back from 4. FOUR. People. Are. So. Rude. I remember being ticked at my wedding b/c we had a few people that showed up that hadn't rsvp'd, which actually turned out okay, b/c we had probably a dozen people who DID RSVP and DIDN'T show up.....and we had already paid, per head, for them. Peoples' etiquette really stink. I don't know if it's that people just forgot about it, or they're busy, or just rude, or (probably the case in some of my moms' family) that they'll never GET to a 30th anniversary, so they're bitter. People piss me off. Yes or no. That's all I need. So yes, tonight and tomorrow, I WILL be making those calls and putting people on the spot. Stupid.
Second. Work ethic. I feel like I have a really good work ethic. I turned 16 in mid-November and I was working part time through the Christmas that season selling candy. I had summer jobs until I was a senior in high school, and that year I started working a couple nights/ week through the school year. I didn't work my freshman year of college, but during summers and starting my sophomore year, I worked at least 30 hours per week while still carrying a full class load. After all of that, I felt pretty proud of my 3.33 GPA when I graduated. Anyway, I digress. I'll just say this. Karma is a bitch.
First. My parents' 30th anniversary is on Monday, and we're having a little shindig on Saturday for them. I sent out 20 invites, probably 45 people in total, and I've heard back from 4. FOUR. People. Are. So. Rude. I remember being ticked at my wedding b/c we had a few people that showed up that hadn't rsvp'd, which actually turned out okay, b/c we had probably a dozen people who DID RSVP and DIDN'T show up.....and we had already paid, per head, for them. Peoples' etiquette really stink. I don't know if it's that people just forgot about it, or they're busy, or just rude, or (probably the case in some of my moms' family) that they'll never GET to a 30th anniversary, so they're bitter. People piss me off. Yes or no. That's all I need. So yes, tonight and tomorrow, I WILL be making those calls and putting people on the spot. Stupid.
Second. Work ethic. I feel like I have a really good work ethic. I turned 16 in mid-November and I was working part time through the Christmas that season selling candy. I had summer jobs until I was a senior in high school, and that year I started working a couple nights/ week through the school year. I didn't work my freshman year of college, but during summers and starting my sophomore year, I worked at least 30 hours per week while still carrying a full class load. After all of that, I felt pretty proud of my 3.33 GPA when I graduated. Anyway, I digress. I'll just say this. Karma is a bitch.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep....
....a prayer that, since I was just a little girl, I still say before drifting to sleep at night. It's usually quick and is usually a last thought before I truly fall asleep, but I say it - every night.
I subscribe to a wonderful devotion that sends daily emails.....Proverbs 31. It's phenomenal. It's not one of those long and drawn out emails you get with other sites - just short, simple, thought-provoking little tidbits that more often than not make me sit back and think....."huh."
Today's was no exception. It talked about how modern day people think of our days at rise, work then rest.....when in the Bible it says: “God called the light ‘day,’ and the darkness he called ‘night.’ And there was evening, and there was morning— the first day.” Genesis 1:5 (NIV)
Interesting. Rest, rise, work. So often during the day (weekdays especially), I so look forward to going to sleep. I adore sleep. I love naps. I love sleeping in. I love getting to rest and shut my brain down from a long day (easier said than done, sometimes!). How different would it be though, if when I laid down at night, I thought of the upcoming rest as another way for God to work through me? The lady who wrote this devotional said, "As I lie down, close my eyes, pray, and slip from consciousness, I do so with the understanding that it is God who holds everything together during my temporary absence from the world. And it’s Him who will continue to hold everything together when I rise and work in the coming daylight. At no point — day or night — am I independent of Him. He even has the power to direct my dreams should He desire."
Isn't that neat? I never really thought of sleep this way. I of all people know how much in control we like to be, to be in control of every thought, action, emotion. I think it's a very comforting thought that even in my most vulnerable state of being, God is there.......working through me, working in me. I am never alone, even in sleep. Even in rest.
This is an idea that has started kind of rolling around in my brain........kind of like a marble in a big box.....I'm not sure where these thoughts are going and I know I want to think about this some more....but for now, I just wanted to get some initial thoughts on paper (or keyboard).
God is so much bigger than I am. He's bigger than my marriage, He's bigger than my work life, He's bigger than all of our struggles & worries about money and babies and houses. He's bigger than those moments of my (too-often) doubting myself and my purpose in this life. He's bigger than my personal insecurities, He's bigger than all the mistakes I've made (even the really big big BIG mistake that almost cost me my marriage)......no matter how alone or how lonely or how sad or happy or glad or upset or ANYTHING I am or feel - He is there.
Why do I fight Him?
I subscribe to a wonderful devotion that sends daily emails.....Proverbs 31. It's phenomenal. It's not one of those long and drawn out emails you get with other sites - just short, simple, thought-provoking little tidbits that more often than not make me sit back and think....."huh."
Today's was no exception. It talked about how modern day people think of our days at rise, work then rest.....when in the Bible it says: “God called the light ‘day,’ and the darkness he called ‘night.’ And there was evening, and there was morning— the first day.” Genesis 1:5 (NIV)
Interesting. Rest, rise, work. So often during the day (weekdays especially), I so look forward to going to sleep. I adore sleep. I love naps. I love sleeping in. I love getting to rest and shut my brain down from a long day (easier said than done, sometimes!). How different would it be though, if when I laid down at night, I thought of the upcoming rest as another way for God to work through me? The lady who wrote this devotional said, "As I lie down, close my eyes, pray, and slip from consciousness, I do so with the understanding that it is God who holds everything together during my temporary absence from the world. And it’s Him who will continue to hold everything together when I rise and work in the coming daylight. At no point — day or night — am I independent of Him. He even has the power to direct my dreams should He desire."
Isn't that neat? I never really thought of sleep this way. I of all people know how much in control we like to be, to be in control of every thought, action, emotion. I think it's a very comforting thought that even in my most vulnerable state of being, God is there.......working through me, working in me. I am never alone, even in sleep. Even in rest.
This is an idea that has started kind of rolling around in my brain........kind of like a marble in a big box.....I'm not sure where these thoughts are going and I know I want to think about this some more....but for now, I just wanted to get some initial thoughts on paper (or keyboard).
God is so much bigger than I am. He's bigger than my marriage, He's bigger than my work life, He's bigger than all of our struggles & worries about money and babies and houses. He's bigger than those moments of my (too-often) doubting myself and my purpose in this life. He's bigger than my personal insecurities, He's bigger than all the mistakes I've made (even the really big big BIG mistake that almost cost me my marriage)......no matter how alone or how lonely or how sad or happy or glad or upset or ANYTHING I am or feel - He is there.
Why do I fight Him?
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Weekend of Annoyances
I hate Sunday nights. I really do. You work so hard for 5 days just to get to that 2 days of freedom, and then they're over so fast! *Insert wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh sound here.
Anyway. We had a very good, quiet weekend. For the first time in a month, we didn't spend half a Saturday gallavanting through 164 houses.......which while thats been fun, it was nice to not spend half a day with a realtor yesterday. Outside of the stifling weather, we had a nice couple of days just hanging out with each other. Just a couple little thorns to the weekend though........
1. Our pool. We live in a "ritzier" part of Columbus (taxes and school wise, we could never afford to buy a home here), but that doesn't mean that your everyday dub-t (white trash, haha) can't afford to live in the same apartments Chris and I do. For the last couple of weeks, everytime I or we have gone to our side of the complex's pool, it's like a family reunion or some party or a cookout or SOMETHING where SOMEONE has 186 kids running around and it's just TRASHY and STUPID. It's irritating that people who spend (way too much) money to live here can't just go relax and hang out without people treating the pool like it's their own private backyard. Today I finally gave up and drove to the main pool (1/2 mi down the road) that's attached to the clubhouse, and it was much better. Whatever. Only a few more weeks of summer-type pool weather left, and we won't be here next summer to deal with it.
2. People and their non-behaving kids in public. Seriously. I know, I know, we don't have kids, we can't talk until we do. Oh yes I can. Chris & I went to the Outback last night. Not a super ritzy place, but not a dollar-menu type place either, and what did we get for our money? Some good food as always.......and some unseen kid (with people in the bar area, of all places)....randomly, and OFTEN, SCREECHING. Screaming. Crying. Back to screeching. Not one time did we see parents try to walk around with the kid, take him or her outside, or even did we hear them trying to calm the child. My thought is that since it was 9:30 it was probably past the kid's bedtime, and it didn't sound like a little baby, but a small child who at least could have been hushed or given something to play with. $10 says the parents just ignored the kid, thinking that their darling child couldn't possibly have been annoying anyone. Even the waiters were apologizing to their tables. Insane. One word. Babysitters.
3. Foreign people. This is a touchy subject, and I'm not racist, not really. But seriously......Chris and I went ahead and did our grocery shopping last night at Walmart, and we were seriously the minority in the store. Somalians, Indians, Mexicans.....it gets old. It really does. It's not nice of me to say, and I know that. But seriously. You live in our country. We take showers here. And women aren't forced to wear 35 layers of clothing when it's 110* outside. And we speak English. I feel like I'm allowed to have a little liberty with this subject considering where I work. I deal with it everyday. And it is a much larger problem than I ever realized, but that's a whole other discussion.
4. This weather. I've said it for awhile and I'll keep saying that I'll take this over snow anyday, but really. Enough with the heat. It is enough to make you physically ill.
5. My car. My '99 Chevy Malibu is about to hit 146,000 miles and has served me well....but we use that car for everything. Not only do we take it to TH everytime we go there (500 miles roundtrip), but when we lived on the northeast side of town and I worked west, I drove that car, and now that we live on the northwest side and I work east, it's slowly but surely costing us money. Lots of it. Two new tires. New rotors, pads & calipers. New hub bearing. Exchanged rotors and pads. Over it. We may have to put off this house business for a little while b/c it's not going to last much longer. Chris would take over driving the Malibu and/ or Blazer, b/c it's not like either of them are worth anything to trade in and we just need a newer vehicle. We looked at a couple yesterday (in this disgusting heat) and found one in particular we liked, so we'll see. So many big things are coming up or being discussed that I kind of want to just go curl up in a corner in fetal position and cry, because I don't feel like we can do all these big things at once. Car, houses, babies? I just want to go back to Bethel (no preference, either house would do, although 1806 was nicer) and go be a teller everyday and have date nights with my then-boyfriend on Friday nights. Wahhhhhhhh.
6. Amy Winehouse is dead. At 27. Drug overdose, I'm sure. Don't even see the need to talk about it - just a wasted life. She was a hot mess in every sense of the term.
7. NFL Lockout is on day like 17247 and I'm over it. Get a deal done already. I'm definitely not one of those fans who's like "I have been turned OFF and I'm not watching one more game as long as I live," but seriously - they are fighting over billions of dollars. BILLIONS. I've said it before and I'll say it again - let a couple women get in there and negotiate. $10 says it would've been done in 2 weeks. Too much testosterone in those conference rooms. Get. It. Done. Preseason starts in 18 days and Dallas' opening Sunday Night game at the Jets is in.......7 weeks from today. From right now. 49 days. Get it going.
8. Big Brother 13. Sucked me in this year and I just want to punch Rachel in the face. It's one of those games that I think I'd be really good at........... ;-)
Fortunately, Chris & I had a really nice weekend together......not really doing anything spectacular but just being together....laughing and sleeping in and hanging out. I know that I take him for granted sometimes, but this weekend was a really good reminder of what a good man I married. :) <3
That is all. I'm ready to get this 4-day week over with and be home for a few days! So it's like tomorrow isn't even Monday, it's like it's Tuesday already......... ;-)
Anyway. We had a very good, quiet weekend. For the first time in a month, we didn't spend half a Saturday gallavanting through 164 houses.......which while thats been fun, it was nice to not spend half a day with a realtor yesterday. Outside of the stifling weather, we had a nice couple of days just hanging out with each other. Just a couple little thorns to the weekend though........
1. Our pool. We live in a "ritzier" part of Columbus (taxes and school wise, we could never afford to buy a home here), but that doesn't mean that your everyday dub-t (white trash, haha) can't afford to live in the same apartments Chris and I do. For the last couple of weeks, everytime I or we have gone to our side of the complex's pool, it's like a family reunion or some party or a cookout or SOMETHING where SOMEONE has 186 kids running around and it's just TRASHY and STUPID. It's irritating that people who spend (way too much) money to live here can't just go relax and hang out without people treating the pool like it's their own private backyard. Today I finally gave up and drove to the main pool (1/2 mi down the road) that's attached to the clubhouse, and it was much better. Whatever. Only a few more weeks of summer-type pool weather left, and we won't be here next summer to deal with it.
2. People and their non-behaving kids in public. Seriously. I know, I know, we don't have kids, we can't talk until we do. Oh yes I can. Chris & I went to the Outback last night. Not a super ritzy place, but not a dollar-menu type place either, and what did we get for our money? Some good food as always.......and some unseen kid (with people in the bar area, of all places)....randomly, and OFTEN, SCREECHING. Screaming. Crying. Back to screeching. Not one time did we see parents try to walk around with the kid, take him or her outside, or even did we hear them trying to calm the child. My thought is that since it was 9:30 it was probably past the kid's bedtime, and it didn't sound like a little baby, but a small child who at least could have been hushed or given something to play with. $10 says the parents just ignored the kid, thinking that their darling child couldn't possibly have been annoying anyone. Even the waiters were apologizing to their tables. Insane. One word. Babysitters.
3. Foreign people. This is a touchy subject, and I'm not racist, not really. But seriously......Chris and I went ahead and did our grocery shopping last night at Walmart, and we were seriously the minority in the store. Somalians, Indians, Mexicans.....it gets old. It really does. It's not nice of me to say, and I know that. But seriously. You live in our country. We take showers here. And women aren't forced to wear 35 layers of clothing when it's 110* outside. And we speak English. I feel like I'm allowed to have a little liberty with this subject considering where I work. I deal with it everyday. And it is a much larger problem than I ever realized, but that's a whole other discussion.
4. This weather. I've said it for awhile and I'll keep saying that I'll take this over snow anyday, but really. Enough with the heat. It is enough to make you physically ill.
5. My car. My '99 Chevy Malibu is about to hit 146,000 miles and has served me well....but we use that car for everything. Not only do we take it to TH everytime we go there (500 miles roundtrip), but when we lived on the northeast side of town and I worked west, I drove that car, and now that we live on the northwest side and I work east, it's slowly but surely costing us money. Lots of it. Two new tires. New rotors, pads & calipers. New hub bearing. Exchanged rotors and pads. Over it. We may have to put off this house business for a little while b/c it's not going to last much longer. Chris would take over driving the Malibu and/ or Blazer, b/c it's not like either of them are worth anything to trade in and we just need a newer vehicle. We looked at a couple yesterday (in this disgusting heat) and found one in particular we liked, so we'll see. So many big things are coming up or being discussed that I kind of want to just go curl up in a corner in fetal position and cry, because I don't feel like we can do all these big things at once. Car, houses, babies? I just want to go back to Bethel (no preference, either house would do, although 1806 was nicer) and go be a teller everyday and have date nights with my then-boyfriend on Friday nights. Wahhhhhhhh.
6. Amy Winehouse is dead. At 27. Drug overdose, I'm sure. Don't even see the need to talk about it - just a wasted life. She was a hot mess in every sense of the term.
7. NFL Lockout is on day like 17247 and I'm over it. Get a deal done already. I'm definitely not one of those fans who's like "I have been turned OFF and I'm not watching one more game as long as I live," but seriously - they are fighting over billions of dollars. BILLIONS. I've said it before and I'll say it again - let a couple women get in there and negotiate. $10 says it would've been done in 2 weeks. Too much testosterone in those conference rooms. Get. It. Done. Preseason starts in 18 days and Dallas' opening Sunday Night game at the Jets is in.......7 weeks from today. From right now. 49 days. Get it going.
8. Big Brother 13. Sucked me in this year and I just want to punch Rachel in the face. It's one of those games that I think I'd be really good at........... ;-)
Fortunately, Chris & I had a really nice weekend together......not really doing anything spectacular but just being together....laughing and sleeping in and hanging out. I know that I take him for granted sometimes, but this weekend was a really good reminder of what a good man I married. :) <3
That is all. I'm ready to get this 4-day week over with and be home for a few days! So it's like tomorrow isn't even Monday, it's like it's Tuesday already......... ;-)
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Walk Softly & Carry a Big Stick
My new motto.
I'm tired of people, I'm tired of people causing drama, and I'm really just TIRED.
Work is insane.
I said today, and really quietly so no one could really hear me, but I said:
"I finally feel like I can breathe."
The last 3 months since I've moved branches has been HELL. They have literally been the fastest 3 months of my life. I'm finally getting to the bottom of some hellacious piles of CRAP and getting to do things MY way now.
My replacement at my old branch got canned which is probably for the best, but still makes me a little sad b/c I felt such ownership of that place. I knew all the customers, I knew the jobs, I knew all the guys, from Operations Managers down to crewmembers. Here I walk into a branch that's about 30% bigger and the branch is set up so I still don't even know all the supervisors' names. It hadn't a steady admin since about last February, so needless to say - lots of work to be done. My Branch Manager is just coming up on his 1st anniversary and the most "veteran" OM came in at the same time as me. We'll get there.....but it sure feels like everytime I get my arms around something, something else falls apart.
Houses........I think we found our number one favorite on Saturday. It's amazing and cute and in a good location...........and we've not done anything about it. Haven't called the lender, haven't called our realtor, haven't started pulling together documents. I may just be speaking for myself, but I'm scared shitless. It's so much less scary to just rent.........!!!
The summer is going by so so fast although it sure does seem like this heat wave is never going to break. Tomorrow's forecast: high of 98, heat index of 109. You don't shovel sunshine (haha, courtesy of one of my AOII sisters), but I don't really want to be out in this either.
Found out this week that yet another cousin is pregnant. Babies are everywere, that's for sure. The other girls in Columbus and I had a little lunch/ presents for Angie (one of my old OMs), who's due on August 16. She seriously looks like she's about halfway there......she's so little! She was really active before she got pregnant which helps I guess, but her job requires her to be running around all the time so that's helping too - she's adorable! Chris asked how the shower went and I said, "Good - makes me want babies!"
What else was I supposed to say? :)
Time for bed.....2 days til the weekend, then a 4-day workweek next week......then I'm going home for a 3-day weekend and my parents' 30th anniversary! ((Cue "We've Only Just Begun" by The Carpenters here)) Can't WAIT!
I'm tired of people, I'm tired of people causing drama, and I'm really just TIRED.
Work is insane.
I said today, and really quietly so no one could really hear me, but I said:
"I finally feel like I can breathe."
The last 3 months since I've moved branches has been HELL. They have literally been the fastest 3 months of my life. I'm finally getting to the bottom of some hellacious piles of CRAP and getting to do things MY way now.
My replacement at my old branch got canned which is probably for the best, but still makes me a little sad b/c I felt such ownership of that place. I knew all the customers, I knew the jobs, I knew all the guys, from Operations Managers down to crewmembers. Here I walk into a branch that's about 30% bigger and the branch is set up so I still don't even know all the supervisors' names. It hadn't a steady admin since about last February, so needless to say - lots of work to be done. My Branch Manager is just coming up on his 1st anniversary and the most "veteran" OM came in at the same time as me. We'll get there.....but it sure feels like everytime I get my arms around something, something else falls apart.
Houses........I think we found our number one favorite on Saturday. It's amazing and cute and in a good location...........and we've not done anything about it. Haven't called the lender, haven't called our realtor, haven't started pulling together documents. I may just be speaking for myself, but I'm scared shitless. It's so much less scary to just rent.........!!!
The summer is going by so so fast although it sure does seem like this heat wave is never going to break. Tomorrow's forecast: high of 98, heat index of 109. You don't shovel sunshine (haha, courtesy of one of my AOII sisters), but I don't really want to be out in this either.
Found out this week that yet another cousin is pregnant. Babies are everywere, that's for sure. The other girls in Columbus and I had a little lunch/ presents for Angie (one of my old OMs), who's due on August 16. She seriously looks like she's about halfway there......she's so little! She was really active before she got pregnant which helps I guess, but her job requires her to be running around all the time so that's helping too - she's adorable! Chris asked how the shower went and I said, "Good - makes me want babies!"
What else was I supposed to say? :)
Time for bed.....2 days til the weekend, then a 4-day workweek next week......then I'm going home for a 3-day weekend and my parents' 30th anniversary! ((Cue "We've Only Just Begun" by The Carpenters here)) Can't WAIT!
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Ducks
No, not the cute little "quack quack" ducks that you see at the park and feed bread to.
The ducks I speak of are all of the little things that have to be in some kind of order to make any kind of freaking decision or life changing move.
For instance - buying a house. Not only do we need to time it right with the end of our lease (God knows we don't need to be paying to live in 2 places at once), but we have to, oh yeah, FIND the place. Is it in a good neighborhood? Good schools (we're staying out of Columbus schools)? Taxes ok? Does it have a 2 car garage or only 1? Is it bigger than 1200 square feet? B/c we have a LOT of stuff. Basement? Basements are okay if the walls aren't bowing in. How old's the water heater? AC? Roof? So we find the place. Great. Make an offer. Get it inspected. Get it appraised. Do the paperwork. And oh yeah, even if we're lucky enough to find a house with sellers willing to help with closing costs, we need to show a lot of money in the el banco.
Having a baby. For something so little, they sure require a lot of prior thinking (or should require prior thinking....half of what's wrong with the world if you ask me, but that's a whole other conversation). If we got pregnant now, when would my maternity leave kick in? (April, by the way, in case you were wondering - right at the end of snow and beginning of mulch season. Yes please!! :)) Daycare expenses......baby STUFF.......would our parents be able to make it over here in time? We (I) say we're ready now, but are we really? Am I really ready to give up sleeping in on weekends? Going out to eat as often as we do (which isn't often to begin with)? Being able to grocery shop on a whim at 11pm on Saturdays so that our Sundays are free to sit by the pool? What about us? Are we ok? We've been through a lot in the last 34 months and some-weeks of marriage, but we seem to have made it out on the other side tested by fire and stronger because of it.
What if we get a house, have a baby, and all of a sudden Chris or I's job moves? Or we have to/ need to move closer to our parents (God forbid)?
I wish there was something I could do to keep my head from spinning with all of this. A day doesn't go by that I'm not thinking of babies in SOME way.....either a friend is having one (2 friends in the last week, probably a dozen already this year if I counted!), another friend is finding out they're having one (or a cousin - found out my cousin Kristi is pregnant with Baby #2! Ava, who will be 2 this September, is going to be a big sister!), I'm organizing showers for someone, stupid pregnancy tests come on TV EVERY OTHER COMMERCIAL, books and clothes and toys and magazines are all but screaming: "HAVE A BABY!" - Mind you, though, it's not all of these things pressuring me into thinking we're ready. I really and truly do feel like this is it....this is our time to create a little person and be parents. But sheesh - talk about information overload.
Houses - we've been in someway searching or looking at houses for about a month now, and there is just so MUCH. So much to think about and ask about and talk about. Pros and cons. Good points & bad points. What can't we live without, and what can we live with?
Can I just move back home with my parents? Is it too late for that?
If so, time to go curl up in fetal position somewhere......
The ducks I speak of are all of the little things that have to be in some kind of order to make any kind of freaking decision or life changing move.
For instance - buying a house. Not only do we need to time it right with the end of our lease (God knows we don't need to be paying to live in 2 places at once), but we have to, oh yeah, FIND the place. Is it in a good neighborhood? Good schools (we're staying out of Columbus schools)? Taxes ok? Does it have a 2 car garage or only 1? Is it bigger than 1200 square feet? B/c we have a LOT of stuff. Basement? Basements are okay if the walls aren't bowing in. How old's the water heater? AC? Roof? So we find the place. Great. Make an offer. Get it inspected. Get it appraised. Do the paperwork. And oh yeah, even if we're lucky enough to find a house with sellers willing to help with closing costs, we need to show a lot of money in the el banco.
Having a baby. For something so little, they sure require a lot of prior thinking (or should require prior thinking....half of what's wrong with the world if you ask me, but that's a whole other conversation). If we got pregnant now, when would my maternity leave kick in? (April, by the way, in case you were wondering - right at the end of snow and beginning of mulch season. Yes please!! :)) Daycare expenses......baby STUFF.......would our parents be able to make it over here in time? We (I) say we're ready now, but are we really? Am I really ready to give up sleeping in on weekends? Going out to eat as often as we do (which isn't often to begin with)? Being able to grocery shop on a whim at 11pm on Saturdays so that our Sundays are free to sit by the pool? What about us? Are we ok? We've been through a lot in the last 34 months and some-weeks of marriage, but we seem to have made it out on the other side tested by fire and stronger because of it.
What if we get a house, have a baby, and all of a sudden Chris or I's job moves? Or we have to/ need to move closer to our parents (God forbid)?
I wish there was something I could do to keep my head from spinning with all of this. A day doesn't go by that I'm not thinking of babies in SOME way.....either a friend is having one (2 friends in the last week, probably a dozen already this year if I counted!), another friend is finding out they're having one (or a cousin - found out my cousin Kristi is pregnant with Baby #2! Ava, who will be 2 this September, is going to be a big sister!), I'm organizing showers for someone, stupid pregnancy tests come on TV EVERY OTHER COMMERCIAL, books and clothes and toys and magazines are all but screaming: "HAVE A BABY!" - Mind you, though, it's not all of these things pressuring me into thinking we're ready. I really and truly do feel like this is it....this is our time to create a little person and be parents. But sheesh - talk about information overload.
Houses - we've been in someway searching or looking at houses for about a month now, and there is just so MUCH. So much to think about and ask about and talk about. Pros and cons. Good points & bad points. What can't we live without, and what can we live with?
Can I just move back home with my parents? Is it too late for that?
If so, time to go curl up in fetal position somewhere......
Monday, July 11, 2011
No Baby
I think Mother Nature is a sneaky little bitch who I really think just gets her jollies off messing with peoples' heads. Seriously.
I've been off the pill since March, and off my happy pills (Zoloft) for about a month now.
We've been preventing, but not doing a really good job of it...had we been in high school or college still with this behavior, I would've been pregnant 35 times over by now.
A couple months ago, probably April-ish/ May, I was late...convinced myself that go figure, we weren't even trying, and here we go. Late, late, late....the night before I was going to take a test, I had this dream - VIVID dream - that my test was positive. One of those dreams that was so lifelike you wake up and have to remember that your dream is not, in fact, reality. That test, obviously, was negative.
Fast forward to last week. Convinced myself, yet AGAIN, that this was it. We had one of those nights a couple weeks ago that I just knew we were completely safe - except googling it a couple days later....just about the highest-risk time during the month except the days right around mid-cycle. I was really overthinking the whole thing and even got sucked into the baby aisle at Barnes & Noble Saturday night, flipping through "What to Expect when You're Expecting," (I didn't buy it though). Reading through the symptoms, I was conVINced. Overly tired? Yes. Heavy feeling in the the lower abdomen? Yes. Constantly feeling dehydrated? Yes. Weird appetite?
Just now though, I have to chalk all of that up to last week was yet another stressful, 5-days-crammed-into-4 month end week, its been hotter than hell outside and I haven't ran in way too long.
No baby.
I know we're not really trying, and we have lots of time....but I'm ready. I'm ready now. I try to stop thinking about it, but I can't. I can't help being disappointed and sad for something that never existed. I know our time will come and we have a LOT going on in the next 6-8 weeks that will make August 30 (my do-or-die day) come really fast.
But right now, I'm sad.
Bedtime.
I've been off the pill since March, and off my happy pills (Zoloft) for about a month now.
We've been preventing, but not doing a really good job of it...had we been in high school or college still with this behavior, I would've been pregnant 35 times over by now.
A couple months ago, probably April-ish/ May, I was late...convinced myself that go figure, we weren't even trying, and here we go. Late, late, late....the night before I was going to take a test, I had this dream - VIVID dream - that my test was positive. One of those dreams that was so lifelike you wake up and have to remember that your dream is not, in fact, reality. That test, obviously, was negative.
Fast forward to last week. Convinced myself, yet AGAIN, that this was it. We had one of those nights a couple weeks ago that I just knew we were completely safe - except googling it a couple days later....just about the highest-risk time during the month except the days right around mid-cycle. I was really overthinking the whole thing and even got sucked into the baby aisle at Barnes & Noble Saturday night, flipping through "What to Expect when You're Expecting," (I didn't buy it though). Reading through the symptoms, I was conVINced. Overly tired? Yes. Heavy feeling in the the lower abdomen? Yes. Constantly feeling dehydrated? Yes. Weird appetite?
Just now though, I have to chalk all of that up to last week was yet another stressful, 5-days-crammed-into-4 month end week, its been hotter than hell outside and I haven't ran in way too long.
No baby.
I know we're not really trying, and we have lots of time....but I'm ready. I'm ready now. I try to stop thinking about it, but I can't. I can't help being disappointed and sad for something that never existed. I know our time will come and we have a LOT going on in the next 6-8 weeks that will make August 30 (my do-or-die day) come really fast.
But right now, I'm sad.
Bedtime.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Epic. Fail.
I hate when people use the word "epic." "Dude, that was an EPIC night!" "Wow, what an epic movie." "I drove my car into a pole. And I was sober. Epic fail."
I HATE THAT. Epic is used all too often, and 99.9% of the time, used completely incorrectly. Or in the wrong instances. Epic, 9 times out of 10, refers to a poem.....but the 4th definition on dictionary.com is this:
ep·ic
[ep-ik]
–adjective
4. of unusually great size or extent: a crime wave of epic proportions.
Of unusally great size or extent. Add that to failure. And you get....
The verdict in today's Casey Anthony trial.
1st degree murder: not guilty. Aggraveted manslaughter of a child: not guilty. Providing false information to a law officer: guilty.
Seriously??? I can't even wrap my head around this. As she listened to the verdict, her face just was disbelief. Then tears. THEN A SMILE!??!!?
This woman, who I say I COMPLTELY BELIVE IS GUILTY AS SIN, is now going to be allowed to walk free. She's free! She can do whatever she wants! She can go back to getting tattoos and going partying, and drinking, and all those things she did when poor Caylee was "missing" because SOMEHOW, our legal system has failed. AGAIN (see October 1995). My heart broke at work as I watched the news come through.....not even so much for Caylee (although that poor little girl.....I hope when she died it was fast), but for this supposed GREAT American justice system. We live in the greatest country in the world and I'm thankful that I live here.....but the system backfired, big time, today. SOMEONE was paid off and I'm convinced of that. I just can't believe that 12 jurors (7 of them women), all sane, working, contributing members of society, actually THOUGHT this woman is innocent. I just can't believe it.
My mom brought up a great point today when we were rehashing it on my way home. In this country, you are better off as a DOG than a child. Look at Michael Vick. He may play for my most hated team in the NFL, but you know what? He served TWENTY-ONE months plus another 2 months of home confinement for "Conspiracy to Travel in Interstate Commerce in Aid of Unlawful Activities and to Sponsor a Dog in an Animal Fighting Venture." Almost TWO YEARS for DOG FIGHTING.
I love animals. I really do. But they're not children. And it is really sad when this country has more protection over four-legged animals than they do children. That poor, poor baby.
Facebook about blew up today. Just some of the thoughts floating around in my world on facebook.....
I can't believe this!!! NOT GUILTY! I'm so disappointed!! IQ tests for jurors should be a necessity! Come on!
Hey Casey Anthony jury.... hope you feel good about decision. You have to live with it the rest of your life.
I'm just gonna say ANYBODY who fails to report their 2 yr old MISSING for 31 days is damn well guilty of something beyond a reasonable doubt
Is it April 1st? Hmmm... seems like bad joke is being played on all of us #notguiltymya$$
Wow. Flashback to October 3, 1995...
In total disbelief that they found Casey Anthony Not Guilty on Murder or Aggragvated Manslaughter, yet guilty on providing false information. What about hiding the death of her daughter for 30 days???? Her own parents walked out. And so now she gets out!!! She WILL answer to a higher power, just not soon enough. God forgive me for feeling this way.
OJ 2.0
American citizens will help Casey Anthony settle in just fine...She is such a joke and will get what she deserves one way or another! I cant imagine all the hate mail/ dirty looks/death threats/bad service she is gonna get for the rest of her life!!! Can you imagine when she walks into a restaraunt or store....
Casey Anthony should get the Sixth Amendment tattooed on her face. It certainly saved her life.
I am sure that Casey's lawyers are trying to get body guards for her lined up - that is why they did not ask for her to be released immediately - they know that there will be "street justice" heaped upon her!
When the verdict was read Casey's face said it all! She was shocked she was found NOT guilty! There may have been gaps but Im sorry I was young when I had Kiley [18] and I missed out on things but I would never kill my child to have a good time and I would know if she was missing!!! The justice system is messed up and this is why I do not own a gun!!!
Maybe instead of having 12 people decide her fate, they should have polls where we can call/text in like American Idol. Ridiculous!
I would love to know just exactly who that jury believes is guilty! What info are the rest of us missing here?!
Praying for Caylee. Not guilty, I'm not so sure.
I am disgusted by the verdict of the Casey Anthony trial. This is the OJ Simpson of this decade. The fact that a 2 year old can die and be thrown in a woods and no one pay the price is a true disgrace. Amazing how we live in a country that continues to reward people who lie, who live immorally and selfishly, who see children as objects. Buy a lotto ticket, Casey.
Are you kidding me? Wow the system has failed on this one.
And the one word that sums up this whole, big, stupid world:
Unreal.
I HATE THAT. Epic is used all too often, and 99.9% of the time, used completely incorrectly. Or in the wrong instances. Epic, 9 times out of 10, refers to a poem.....but the 4th definition on dictionary.com is this:
ep·ic
[ep-ik]
–adjective
4. of unusually great size or extent: a crime wave of epic proportions.
Of unusally great size or extent. Add that to failure. And you get....
The verdict in today's Casey Anthony trial.
1st degree murder: not guilty. Aggraveted manslaughter of a child: not guilty. Providing false information to a law officer: guilty.
Seriously??? I can't even wrap my head around this. As she listened to the verdict, her face just was disbelief. Then tears. THEN A SMILE!??!!?
This woman, who I say I COMPLTELY BELIVE IS GUILTY AS SIN, is now going to be allowed to walk free. She's free! She can do whatever she wants! She can go back to getting tattoos and going partying, and drinking, and all those things she did when poor Caylee was "missing" because SOMEHOW, our legal system has failed. AGAIN (see October 1995). My heart broke at work as I watched the news come through.....not even so much for Caylee (although that poor little girl.....I hope when she died it was fast), but for this supposed GREAT American justice system. We live in the greatest country in the world and I'm thankful that I live here.....but the system backfired, big time, today. SOMEONE was paid off and I'm convinced of that. I just can't believe that 12 jurors (7 of them women), all sane, working, contributing members of society, actually THOUGHT this woman is innocent. I just can't believe it.
My mom brought up a great point today when we were rehashing it on my way home. In this country, you are better off as a DOG than a child. Look at Michael Vick. He may play for my most hated team in the NFL, but you know what? He served TWENTY-ONE months plus another 2 months of home confinement for "Conspiracy to Travel in Interstate Commerce in Aid of Unlawful Activities and to Sponsor a Dog in an Animal Fighting Venture." Almost TWO YEARS for DOG FIGHTING.
I love animals. I really do. But they're not children. And it is really sad when this country has more protection over four-legged animals than they do children. That poor, poor baby.
Facebook about blew up today. Just some of the thoughts floating around in my world on facebook.....
I can't believe this!!! NOT GUILTY! I'm so disappointed!! IQ tests for jurors should be a necessity! Come on!
Hey Casey Anthony jury.... hope you feel good about decision. You have to live with it the rest of your life.
I'm just gonna say ANYBODY who fails to report their 2 yr old MISSING for 31 days is damn well guilty of something beyond a reasonable doubt
Is it April 1st? Hmmm... seems like bad joke is being played on all of us #notguiltymya$$
Wow. Flashback to October 3, 1995...
In total disbelief that they found Casey Anthony Not Guilty on Murder or Aggragvated Manslaughter, yet guilty on providing false information. What about hiding the death of her daughter for 30 days???? Her own parents walked out. And so now she gets out!!! She WILL answer to a higher power, just not soon enough. God forgive me for feeling this way.
OJ 2.0
American citizens will help Casey Anthony settle in just fine...She is such a joke and will get what she deserves one way or another! I cant imagine all the hate mail/ dirty looks/death threats/bad service she is gonna get for the rest of her life!!! Can you imagine when she walks into a restaraunt or store....
Casey Anthony should get the Sixth Amendment tattooed on her face. It certainly saved her life.
I am sure that Casey's lawyers are trying to get body guards for her lined up - that is why they did not ask for her to be released immediately - they know that there will be "street justice" heaped upon her!
When the verdict was read Casey's face said it all! She was shocked she was found NOT guilty! There may have been gaps but Im sorry I was young when I had Kiley [18] and I missed out on things but I would never kill my child to have a good time and I would know if she was missing!!! The justice system is messed up and this is why I do not own a gun!!!
Maybe instead of having 12 people decide her fate, they should have polls where we can call/text in like American Idol. Ridiculous!
I would love to know just exactly who that jury believes is guilty! What info are the rest of us missing here?!
Praying for Caylee. Not guilty, I'm not so sure.
I am disgusted by the verdict of the Casey Anthony trial. This is the OJ Simpson of this decade. The fact that a 2 year old can die and be thrown in a woods and no one pay the price is a true disgrace. Amazing how we live in a country that continues to reward people who lie, who live immorally and selfishly, who see children as objects. Buy a lotto ticket, Casey.
Are you kidding me? Wow the system has failed on this one.
And the one word that sums up this whole, big, stupid world:
Unreal.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Weekend 'O Fun
What a great weekend! It was one of those weekends that was so fun and busy and productive that my alarm went off this morning and I rolled over thinking, "You idiot...way to turn your alarm off last night for a SATURDAY morning"........I just want to relive it!
But I DID actually set my alarm on Saturday morning........for about the first time since college, when I worked Saturday mornings at the bank. Except this time was to be at Old Navy when they opened since all of their tank tops were on sale for $2. (Yes, I'm realizing as I type this how pitiful that sounds.....). Well, I got there and they had actually opened at SEVEN and clearly all of the normal sized people were up around then......since all that was left was EVERY SINGLE COLOR YOU COULD EVER WANT in XS and S.....in real people sizes, I had a great selection of brown, black, white and gray. Oh, and navy. At least there's nothing wrong with basic colors! I then trapsied over to Kohl's where I found the very last 2 chairs that I've had my eye on for awhile....had been $130/ each and marked down to $55, THEN I had a 30% off coupon! WHOO!
The rest of the day was spent lying by the pool (ahhhhhh), getting ready, seeing Billy Gardell (HILARIOUS), 2 for $20 at Applebee's (delish), and going to a strip club.
Yup. You read that right. Let the judging begin.....after 8.5 years of being together, Chris finally convinced me. Very interesting experience, felt a little weird, but not as bad as I'd thought. Check that one off my bucket list ;-) Two observations. One, if you're a girl, you might as well be gold in there. They treat you like a princess in those places! Two. Forget happy hour, their drink prices were awesome! $3 jello shots, $2 Skyy vodka drinks. Yum! Frankly, it was about the fastest 2 hours I remember in recent times!
Yesterday, we slept late and then headed to the east side of town to go to an open house of a 4-level split we saw online and really liked. We had actually grabbed a paper and stopped by another open house of a bi-level house that we really liked.....then we spent 2 hours driving around the neighborhoods we'd like to be in, and wrote down addresses. I talked to a realtor today and we're good to start looking whenever - WHOO!! Fortunately for us, this is a FANTASTIC buyers' market, so if there's one thing we don't like in a house, we just move on. We're not completely 100% sure that we'll buy a house, but we're leaning that way. I'm never going to convince Chris to move any closer to Terre Haute besides St. Louis, so why move all the way over there just to be an hour closer to home? So we'll see. I don't see that we'd need to move in the forseeable future (5 years at least)............so, we're going to take our time, look around, learn everything we can, and make the best decision. There are definitely lots of good things out there!
Last night my cook of hubby grilled out THE best cheeseburgers EVER on the grill and we just enjoyed winding down the weekend.
I do heart summer.
But I DID actually set my alarm on Saturday morning........for about the first time since college, when I worked Saturday mornings at the bank. Except this time was to be at Old Navy when they opened since all of their tank tops were on sale for $2. (Yes, I'm realizing as I type this how pitiful that sounds.....). Well, I got there and they had actually opened at SEVEN and clearly all of the normal sized people were up around then......since all that was left was EVERY SINGLE COLOR YOU COULD EVER WANT in XS and S.....in real people sizes, I had a great selection of brown, black, white and gray. Oh, and navy. At least there's nothing wrong with basic colors! I then trapsied over to Kohl's where I found the very last 2 chairs that I've had my eye on for awhile....had been $130/ each and marked down to $55, THEN I had a 30% off coupon! WHOO!
The rest of the day was spent lying by the pool (ahhhhhh), getting ready, seeing Billy Gardell (HILARIOUS), 2 for $20 at Applebee's (delish), and going to a strip club.
Yup. You read that right. Let the judging begin.....after 8.5 years of being together, Chris finally convinced me. Very interesting experience, felt a little weird, but not as bad as I'd thought. Check that one off my bucket list ;-) Two observations. One, if you're a girl, you might as well be gold in there. They treat you like a princess in those places! Two. Forget happy hour, their drink prices were awesome! $3 jello shots, $2 Skyy vodka drinks. Yum! Frankly, it was about the fastest 2 hours I remember in recent times!
Yesterday, we slept late and then headed to the east side of town to go to an open house of a 4-level split we saw online and really liked. We had actually grabbed a paper and stopped by another open house of a bi-level house that we really liked.....then we spent 2 hours driving around the neighborhoods we'd like to be in, and wrote down addresses. I talked to a realtor today and we're good to start looking whenever - WHOO!! Fortunately for us, this is a FANTASTIC buyers' market, so if there's one thing we don't like in a house, we just move on. We're not completely 100% sure that we'll buy a house, but we're leaning that way. I'm never going to convince Chris to move any closer to Terre Haute besides St. Louis, so why move all the way over there just to be an hour closer to home? So we'll see. I don't see that we'd need to move in the forseeable future (5 years at least)............so, we're going to take our time, look around, learn everything we can, and make the best decision. There are definitely lots of good things out there!
Last night my cook of hubby grilled out THE best cheeseburgers EVER on the grill and we just enjoyed winding down the weekend.
I do heart summer.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Random Randoms
Its been awhile since I updated last. My apologies. I have no idea what I accomplished in the time since I've written last. How is it already June 24? Does anyone realize that on the other side of 6 months from now, it'll be Christmas EVE!?!?!
Work is insane and tedious and exciting and busy and slow all at the same time. I can't believe I've been at my new branch for almost 2 months now. I guess time flies when you're still trying to figure out what happened at your branch for the prior 8 months since your predecessor did NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING. Seriously - still paying salt and snow invoices. Fortunately, I ADORE my boss and (98% of) my new co-workers. There's always that ONE PERSON.....
Lots of things are being discussed and decided and figured out and planned in the King household right now. Our apartment, which we've lived in since October of 2009, 's lease ends 10/31 of this year and we won't be renewing our lease. Not that we don't like our apartment.....we don't LOVE it, but it just doesn't have enough space. Whether we rent another apartment, rent a house, build a house (although I think that's now the bottom possibility) or buy a house, we'll definitely be moving later this fall. I actually lined up an appointment for us to talk to a mortgage lender the week of 4th of July to see what our options are. Surprisingly enough (ha), we don't just have 5% of house sitting around, so we'll have to get creative with a down payment. And from my brief discussion with the lender on Wednesday night, we probably make too much money (insert rolling laughter here) to get any help from the government. We'll see.
Our 3rd anniversary (?!??!??) is coming up in a few short months, and with that, EVERYbody (and I mean EVERYbody) is interested in our baby plans. Trust me, folks, it is almost a daily discussion, and it doesn't seem like we really know when a little King will make its way into the world. We are in that mode of talking about it but then taking a step back and panicking at everything that would change, at everything that would be different. I know everyone says that you just adapt and your life only changes for the better, but I admit that I know Chris is scared, and so am I. I feel like I should still be in college. How did I get to be almost 28?!?!??? At any rate, plans are in the works. I don't know how concrete they are, but we're already thinking ahead. I'll leave it at that.
Thank God it's Friday!!! We get to go see Billy Gardell (Mike off of Mike & Molly) tomorrow night in downtown Columbus, and I'm stoked. Not only is he HILARIOUS (we've seen him live before), but Chris and I have been working such long and hard hours it'll be nice to do something a little different than dinner out and then in bed by 10 on Saturday night.
Oh the exciting life we lead..................
Work is insane and tedious and exciting and busy and slow all at the same time. I can't believe I've been at my new branch for almost 2 months now. I guess time flies when you're still trying to figure out what happened at your branch for the prior 8 months since your predecessor did NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING. Seriously - still paying salt and snow invoices. Fortunately, I ADORE my boss and (98% of) my new co-workers. There's always that ONE PERSON.....
Lots of things are being discussed and decided and figured out and planned in the King household right now. Our apartment, which we've lived in since October of 2009, 's lease ends 10/31 of this year and we won't be renewing our lease. Not that we don't like our apartment.....we don't LOVE it, but it just doesn't have enough space. Whether we rent another apartment, rent a house, build a house (although I think that's now the bottom possibility) or buy a house, we'll definitely be moving later this fall. I actually lined up an appointment for us to talk to a mortgage lender the week of 4th of July to see what our options are. Surprisingly enough (ha), we don't just have 5% of house sitting around, so we'll have to get creative with a down payment. And from my brief discussion with the lender on Wednesday night, we probably make too much money (insert rolling laughter here) to get any help from the government. We'll see.
Our 3rd anniversary (?!??!??) is coming up in a few short months, and with that, EVERYbody (and I mean EVERYbody) is interested in our baby plans. Trust me, folks, it is almost a daily discussion, and it doesn't seem like we really know when a little King will make its way into the world. We are in that mode of talking about it but then taking a step back and panicking at everything that would change, at everything that would be different. I know everyone says that you just adapt and your life only changes for the better, but I admit that I know Chris is scared, and so am I. I feel like I should still be in college. How did I get to be almost 28?!?!??? At any rate, plans are in the works. I don't know how concrete they are, but we're already thinking ahead. I'll leave it at that.
Thank God it's Friday!!! We get to go see Billy Gardell (Mike off of Mike & Molly) tomorrow night in downtown Columbus, and I'm stoked. Not only is he HILARIOUS (we've seen him live before), but Chris and I have been working such long and hard hours it'll be nice to do something a little different than dinner out and then in bed by 10 on Saturday night.
Oh the exciting life we lead..................
Monday, June 6, 2011
P!nk Says it Best!
"Made a wrong turn
Once or twice
Dug my way out
Blood and fire
Bad decisions
That's alright
Welcome to my silly life
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss "no way, it's all good"
It didn't slow me down
Mistaken, always second guessing
Underestimated
Look I'm still around..."
Nothing else to add - sometimes music just says it best!
Once or twice
Dug my way out
Blood and fire
Bad decisions
That's alright
Welcome to my silly life
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss "no way, it's all good"
It didn't slow me down
Mistaken, always second guessing
Underestimated
Look I'm still around..."
Nothing else to add - sometimes music just says it best!
Sunday, June 5, 2011
May
June 5th already? Are you serious?
Chris and I celebrated our 9th high school graduation the other day, on Thursday. Okay, we didn't celebrate anything; as a matter of fact when I told him it was our 9th anniversary he just muttered (for the 890754123rd time) that we will NOT be attending our 10th reunion next year. Yes, dear.
May was a whirlwind, to say the least. I'm finally settled in full time at my new branch and it has been a LOT of early mornings and late evenings....but I think we're getting there. March's close was almost two days long (whereas my longest at my old branch was 6 hours, my first snow) - last month's close was almost 8 hours....we considered it progress :) I'm hoping that we start our close this Thursday at 12:30 and it's over by the time I need to leave at 4. I hope!
Well, I'm still alive but am still getting over some kind of sickness that hit me out of nowhere on Thursday. Bedtime for me. More tittalating updates to come. :)
Chris and I celebrated our 9th high school graduation the other day, on Thursday. Okay, we didn't celebrate anything; as a matter of fact when I told him it was our 9th anniversary he just muttered (for the 890754123rd time) that we will NOT be attending our 10th reunion next year. Yes, dear.
May was a whirlwind, to say the least. I'm finally settled in full time at my new branch and it has been a LOT of early mornings and late evenings....but I think we're getting there. March's close was almost two days long (whereas my longest at my old branch was 6 hours, my first snow) - last month's close was almost 8 hours....we considered it progress :) I'm hoping that we start our close this Thursday at 12:30 and it's over by the time I need to leave at 4. I hope!
Well, I'm still alive but am still getting over some kind of sickness that hit me out of nowhere on Thursday. Bedtime for me. More tittalating updates to come. :)
Monday, May 9, 2011
Mini Marathon - The Aftermath
I'm still alive.
Yeah, this doesn't sound like such a good deal, but there were a couple of minor negotiations with God during that 2 hours and 53 minutes and 5 seconds of my life Saturday morning.
"Dear God, please get me to the finish line in under 2:45. Okay....dear God, please get me to the finish line with no broken bones or fractures or sprains. Okay....dear God, please just get me to the finish line."
I kid.
A little.
The last 2 miles actually weren't the hardest. They were actually between about 7.5 and 11.
Very tough mental struggle, and conversations with myself (not out loud. Okay, well, maybe).
It had started misting when my little running group and I were about halfway around the track....then turned into a light rain....then steady rain. By that point, I was tired. My legs were cramping something fierce. I was wet. And cold. And tired.
Then, I finally hit mile 11. Okay. 11. 2.1 miles. That's a normal run around my neighborhood. Go!
And go, I did. Well, kind of. My last 2 miles were the slowest, probably (I haven't really checked) and had the highest ratio of "walk" in my "run/ walk" routine. But I made it. Chris, his mom & his sister were all at the 13 mile mark cheering me on. And I crossed the finish line, just a little past my 2:45 goal.
I rested awhile. Cheered my mom across (just 26 minutes after me!), and we walked back to the car. Well, everyone else did. I kind of hobbled, as the fronts of my hip muscles felt like they were rapidly disintegrating. Chris, mom & I had a quick lunch at Applebees, we drove home, and Mom & I proceeded to do pretty much nothing for the rest of the night (outside of showers and a quick dinner).
I woke up yesterday not feeling too bad except for my knees...and the rest of my body was pretty stiff, but moving. My knees are feeling a little better today so I'm not really worried, but I will definitely be investing in some knee compressions for my next race.
Overall - would I do it again?
Definitely. Can't get a high like that anywhere else. :)
Yeah, this doesn't sound like such a good deal, but there were a couple of minor negotiations with God during that 2 hours and 53 minutes and 5 seconds of my life Saturday morning.
"Dear God, please get me to the finish line in under 2:45. Okay....dear God, please get me to the finish line with no broken bones or fractures or sprains. Okay....dear God, please just get me to the finish line."
I kid.
A little.
The last 2 miles actually weren't the hardest. They were actually between about 7.5 and 11.
Very tough mental struggle, and conversations with myself (not out loud. Okay, well, maybe).
It had started misting when my little running group and I were about halfway around the track....then turned into a light rain....then steady rain. By that point, I was tired. My legs were cramping something fierce. I was wet. And cold. And tired.
Then, I finally hit mile 11. Okay. 11. 2.1 miles. That's a normal run around my neighborhood. Go!
And go, I did. Well, kind of. My last 2 miles were the slowest, probably (I haven't really checked) and had the highest ratio of "walk" in my "run/ walk" routine. But I made it. Chris, his mom & his sister were all at the 13 mile mark cheering me on. And I crossed the finish line, just a little past my 2:45 goal.
I rested awhile. Cheered my mom across (just 26 minutes after me!), and we walked back to the car. Well, everyone else did. I kind of hobbled, as the fronts of my hip muscles felt like they were rapidly disintegrating. Chris, mom & I had a quick lunch at Applebees, we drove home, and Mom & I proceeded to do pretty much nothing for the rest of the night (outside of showers and a quick dinner).
I woke up yesterday not feeling too bad except for my knees...and the rest of my body was pretty stiff, but moving. My knees are feeling a little better today so I'm not really worried, but I will definitely be investing in some knee compressions for my next race.
Overall - would I do it again?
Definitely. Can't get a high like that anywhere else. :)
Saturday, May 7, 2011
OneAmerica 500 Festival Mini Marathon....
DONE!
I can now go ahead and cross a very big goal off my "bucket" list :)
What a great day and great experience.
Only complaints? The sort of misty/ light/ steady rainfall from about mile 7.5 to about mile 10 was a little miserable.....and after the race was over and we all met up, my muscles/ joints had had a chance to settle down a bit and I literally kind of hobbled to the car. I never realized how much the muscle at the front of your hips works to move each leg forward! : ) Fortunately, I drank a Gatorade Recovery drink, along with some chocolate milk and lots of water after ... along with some advil - and besides some sore knees (and being realllllllly tired....finally fell asleep around 11:30....tossed and turned until about 4:30 and kind of just dozed until 5:30), I feel fantastic.
I wanted to finish in 2:45....I finished in 2:53. I will take it!
Gotta say - pretty proud of myself. I may have been way back from first place (who, by the way, won it in 1:03....yup....ONE hour THREE minutes.......we figured out he was running at a less-than-5-minutes-per-mile....for AN HOUR), but I wasn't last, I didn't get hurt, and I got to do it with my mom.
Success!
I can now go ahead and cross a very big goal off my "bucket" list :)
What a great day and great experience.
Only complaints? The sort of misty/ light/ steady rainfall from about mile 7.5 to about mile 10 was a little miserable.....and after the race was over and we all met up, my muscles/ joints had had a chance to settle down a bit and I literally kind of hobbled to the car. I never realized how much the muscle at the front of your hips works to move each leg forward! : ) Fortunately, I drank a Gatorade Recovery drink, along with some chocolate milk and lots of water after ... along with some advil - and besides some sore knees (and being realllllllly tired....finally fell asleep around 11:30....tossed and turned until about 4:30 and kind of just dozed until 5:30), I feel fantastic.
I wanted to finish in 2:45....I finished in 2:53. I will take it!
Gotta say - pretty proud of myself. I may have been way back from first place (who, by the way, won it in 1:03....yup....ONE hour THREE minutes.......we figured out he was running at a less-than-5-minutes-per-mile....for AN HOUR), but I wasn't last, I didn't get hurt, and I got to do it with my mom.
Success!
Monday, May 2, 2011
Proud to be an American
So..........below is the post I made as I sat in my freshman year dorm room (610 Knotts Hall)....working on homework as the TV flashed across the bottom of the screen that our "Shock & Awe" mission was fully underway, complete with video of bombs going off and fires rising into the night. I'll never forget it....
Thursday, 20 March 2003
Time 11:34 am
Subject: the war in Iraq
Well folks it has FINALLY started...after over 10 years of trying to deal with them, America has gone to war with Iraq. I know this isn't any big news to any of you, but I was talking to one of my sisters last night about how people do some of the pettiest things which are ridiculous...especially in this time of tragedy in our country. I went to bed last night thinking about it...how many people I've hurt in my lifetime...how many people have collectively made me who I am...and to those people....I want to say I'm sorry, and thank you. Life is too short and too precious to hold onto grudges and not tell the ones you love that you love them.
This list could go on forever...but here's just some main people I was thinking about...
Kelly...what can I even say. I know that we have had our share of trouble this year plus some. But it's all in the past and I'm willing to put it and keep it there. I'm sorry for anything that I did that hurt you...and I forgive you for everything you did to hurt me. Things may not ever be the same between us, but please know that I love you and will be here for you, no matter what.
Shaun/ GA...even though I know they won't / don't read this...these two guys helped me to see everything a relationship should and shouldn't be. They together have made me a better, stronger person that can appreciate good relationships that I will never take for granted....Chris...thank you for everything...I love you.
My fam...nothing even needs to be said here, except I love you all SO very much. I can only hope that my family when I grow up will be as close as ours has been.
Lacey, Sarah, Sami, Christen...I know we don't talk a lot anymore but I want each and everyone of you to know how much I think about you all...without you guys I wouldn't have made it through high school sane. I love you all and cherish every memory I have with you.
Lindsay...we have grown so close and I know our friendship is one that will be able to stand anything. This year wouldn't have been the same without you and I can't wait for the months and years to come. I love you girlie!!
That's about all I can do right now b/c I have to run...but I will be writing more later, I just had to get that all off my chest.
Pray hard everyone....and remember....I love you all.
Mood: sad, contemplative
Music: Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue
***********************************************
So that was the other side of over 8 years ago. 8 years! Wow....outside of my family, Chris & Lindsay, I haven't even thought about some of those people in a long time. Weird how times change.......
Just like I'll always remember where I was (Ms. Minar's classroom for Newspaper), what I was wearing (dark blue Mudd jeans and a dark red Aero sweatshirt) and what I was doing (calling radio stations for help promoting a car wash) when the planes hit the towers in NYC on 9/11/11, I don't think I'll forget anytime soon this morning...........learning that finally, finally, FINALLY - Osama (Usama?) Bin Laden - is dead.
Here I was, just another Monday morning on my way to work.....listening to Mike & Mike, as is my habit every morning. I was just getting ready to turn the station (don't care about baseball) when Greenie said, "May 2nd is a day that not a lot of Americans will forget anytime soon." Huh? What, 2 days after the royal wedding? What? No. Sound bite starts.........can't quite hear it....the baseball fans at the Mets/ Phillies game getting louder and louder....chanting....what are they saying? I can't quite make it out....turn it up a little....and then the sportscaster coming on saying, "Clearly the fans have gotten word that the US has confirmed....Osama bin Laden has been killed."
I almost wrecked my car.
What?!? That all-too-elusive (insert adjective here, I can think of a few) man full of evil.....dead?
I was immediately overcome with tears. I was immediately taken back to my HS classroom....my freshman year dorm room. Remembering the last several years as family members and friends have stepped up to the plate and fought overseas, praying so hard that none of them would be lost.
Is the war over? Far from it.
But today...........as posts flooded Facebook, and the news keeps flashing celebrations all over the country....it reminds me, again, of the deep seeded faith I have in this country and the people that fight for our freedom.
Where were you when the world stopped turning - on that September day?
While that day is still filled with sad and shocked memories - hopefully anyone who lost a dear one that day has been able to experience just a little closure - and just a little peace today.
Thursday, 20 March 2003
Time 11:34 am
Subject: the war in Iraq
Well folks it has FINALLY started...after over 10 years of trying to deal with them, America has gone to war with Iraq. I know this isn't any big news to any of you, but I was talking to one of my sisters last night about how people do some of the pettiest things which are ridiculous...especially in this time of tragedy in our country. I went to bed last night thinking about it...how many people I've hurt in my lifetime...how many people have collectively made me who I am...and to those people....I want to say I'm sorry, and thank you. Life is too short and too precious to hold onto grudges and not tell the ones you love that you love them.
This list could go on forever...but here's just some main people I was thinking about...
Kelly...what can I even say. I know that we have had our share of trouble this year plus some. But it's all in the past and I'm willing to put it and keep it there. I'm sorry for anything that I did that hurt you...and I forgive you for everything you did to hurt me. Things may not ever be the same between us, but please know that I love you and will be here for you, no matter what.
Shaun/ GA...even though I know they won't / don't read this...these two guys helped me to see everything a relationship should and shouldn't be. They together have made me a better, stronger person that can appreciate good relationships that I will never take for granted....Chris...thank you for everything...I love you.
My fam...nothing even needs to be said here, except I love you all SO very much. I can only hope that my family when I grow up will be as close as ours has been.
Lacey, Sarah, Sami, Christen...I know we don't talk a lot anymore but I want each and everyone of you to know how much I think about you all...without you guys I wouldn't have made it through high school sane. I love you all and cherish every memory I have with you.
Lindsay...we have grown so close and I know our friendship is one that will be able to stand anything. This year wouldn't have been the same without you and I can't wait for the months and years to come. I love you girlie!!
That's about all I can do right now b/c I have to run...but I will be writing more later, I just had to get that all off my chest.
Pray hard everyone....and remember....I love you all.
Mood: sad, contemplative
Music: Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue
***********************************************
So that was the other side of over 8 years ago. 8 years! Wow....outside of my family, Chris & Lindsay, I haven't even thought about some of those people in a long time. Weird how times change.......
Just like I'll always remember where I was (Ms. Minar's classroom for Newspaper), what I was wearing (dark blue Mudd jeans and a dark red Aero sweatshirt) and what I was doing (calling radio stations for help promoting a car wash) when the planes hit the towers in NYC on 9/11/11, I don't think I'll forget anytime soon this morning...........learning that finally, finally, FINALLY - Osama (Usama?) Bin Laden - is dead.
Here I was, just another Monday morning on my way to work.....listening to Mike & Mike, as is my habit every morning. I was just getting ready to turn the station (don't care about baseball) when Greenie said, "May 2nd is a day that not a lot of Americans will forget anytime soon." Huh? What, 2 days after the royal wedding? What? No. Sound bite starts.........can't quite hear it....the baseball fans at the Mets/ Phillies game getting louder and louder....chanting....what are they saying? I can't quite make it out....turn it up a little....and then the sportscaster coming on saying, "Clearly the fans have gotten word that the US has confirmed....Osama bin Laden has been killed."
I almost wrecked my car.
What?!? That all-too-elusive (insert adjective here, I can think of a few) man full of evil.....dead?
I was immediately overcome with tears. I was immediately taken back to my HS classroom....my freshman year dorm room. Remembering the last several years as family members and friends have stepped up to the plate and fought overseas, praying so hard that none of them would be lost.
Is the war over? Far from it.
But today...........as posts flooded Facebook, and the news keeps flashing celebrations all over the country....it reminds me, again, of the deep seeded faith I have in this country and the people that fight for our freedom.
Where were you when the world stopped turning - on that September day?
While that day is still filled with sad and shocked memories - hopefully anyone who lost a dear one that day has been able to experience just a little closure - and just a little peace today.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Happy Royal Wedding Day!
I did my best to avoid it. I have nonchalantly perused People and US Weekly magazines over the last couple of months in grocery store lines as the wedding of Prince William & Kate Middleton rapidly approached. Eh, another wedding. Whatever.
Whatever, indeed.
Over last weekend when I barely made it out of bed, let alone my pajamas, for the majority of the weekend, I stumbled upon Lifetime's marathon weekend covering the upcoming nuptials. I watched all about how William & Catherine met at St. Andrew's, how they broke up but she got him back by not laying around crying about it (but instead getting all gussied up and partying it up with her friends, looking like the most gorgeous thing in the world), how he proposed on a romantic trip to Kenya, how they broke all tradition and(GASP!) lived together before they were married.....you just can't help but to fall in love with them. They're SO normal! You literally feel like you could be their friend.
I wasn't alive when Prince Charles and Diana got married (the Wednesday before my own parents' wedding day - they were married 7/29/81, my mom and dad got married 8/1/81), but I remember with great clarity the night that Diana died in 1997....I remember staying up late with a friend and watching her funeral, and feeling so heartbroken for the two boys she left behind. I remember over the years understanding more and more about Diana and Prince Charles, their divorce, how Diana was treated before, during & after her marriage to Charles, her work with the "common people" - and as I turned on my TV this morning at 5:30 before getting ready for work, I couldn't help just hoping my hardest for William & Catherine - hopeful that their marriage would be different than that of William's parents. They're not much older than Chris & I, but the valleys and mountains we've experienced at least have been (mostly) private. Their entire lives are under a microscope. Every word, every outfit, every MOVE they make is being analyzed.
I just couldn't help smiling and unable to turn away from MSNBC this morning, especially as I watched Kate get into the car to the church, and watching her walk down that (LONG!) aisle....
There's just something about this wedding today that made me smile, and give an ear to the little girl that (like so many others) one day dreamed she'd get to wear a pretty crown and pretty white dress and walk down a long aisle to her very own prince. I didn't wear a crown, and Chris doesn't have any royal blood in him, but I did get to wear a beautiful white dress one day, and I got to walk down a (long) aisle, and I got to be a princess for a day. I got to literally feel the love for Chris & me from our friends and family on that first day of the "rest of our life together." I didn't get to have my first kiss as Chris' wife timed to the second on a royal balcony in front of hundreds of thousands, but it was a first kiss nonetheles and I still get goosebumps remembering.
What else can you say? Except for thank goodness for DVR.........off to watch some highlights!
Whatever, indeed.
Over last weekend when I barely made it out of bed, let alone my pajamas, for the majority of the weekend, I stumbled upon Lifetime's marathon weekend covering the upcoming nuptials. I watched all about how William & Catherine met at St. Andrew's, how they broke up but she got him back by not laying around crying about it (but instead getting all gussied up and partying it up with her friends, looking like the most gorgeous thing in the world), how he proposed on a romantic trip to Kenya, how they broke all tradition and(GASP!) lived together before they were married.....you just can't help but to fall in love with them. They're SO normal! You literally feel like you could be their friend.
I wasn't alive when Prince Charles and Diana got married (the Wednesday before my own parents' wedding day - they were married 7/29/81, my mom and dad got married 8/1/81), but I remember with great clarity the night that Diana died in 1997....I remember staying up late with a friend and watching her funeral, and feeling so heartbroken for the two boys she left behind. I remember over the years understanding more and more about Diana and Prince Charles, their divorce, how Diana was treated before, during & after her marriage to Charles, her work with the "common people" - and as I turned on my TV this morning at 5:30 before getting ready for work, I couldn't help just hoping my hardest for William & Catherine - hopeful that their marriage would be different than that of William's parents. They're not much older than Chris & I, but the valleys and mountains we've experienced at least have been (mostly) private. Their entire lives are under a microscope. Every word, every outfit, every MOVE they make is being analyzed.
I just couldn't help smiling and unable to turn away from MSNBC this morning, especially as I watched Kate get into the car to the church, and watching her walk down that (LONG!) aisle....
There's just something about this wedding today that made me smile, and give an ear to the little girl that (like so many others) one day dreamed she'd get to wear a pretty crown and pretty white dress and walk down a long aisle to her very own prince. I didn't wear a crown, and Chris doesn't have any royal blood in him, but I did get to wear a beautiful white dress one day, and I got to walk down a (long) aisle, and I got to be a princess for a day. I got to literally feel the love for Chris & me from our friends and family on that first day of the "rest of our life together." I didn't get to have my first kiss as Chris' wife timed to the second on a royal balcony in front of hundreds of thousands, but it was a first kiss nonetheles and I still get goosebumps remembering.
What else can you say? Except for thank goodness for DVR.........off to watch some highlights!
Friday, April 22, 2011
Randoms
I'm really too tired to string together any real thoughts right now........but I have a lot on my mind. I'll do my best.
- This week marked 2 very sad anniversaries -
- > Oklahoma City bombing - 4/19/1995 - I remember coming home from school to a very sad and upset and 7ish months-pregnant mom, sobbing that she couldn't stand the world that she was about to bring another child into (Anthony was born just 6 short weeks later on 5/28).
- > Columbine - 4/20/1999 - has it really been 12 years? Wasn't I just sitting in some class as a freshman in high school when this happened???
- NFL Schedule for 2011 Season was released this week. Love that Dallas was 6-10 last year and still has a league-high 6 primetime games this fall & winter. 3 Sunday Nights (including the very 1st, at the NEW YORK Jets, on the 10th Anniversary of 9/11), 1 Monday Night (Washington, at home), 1 Saturday night (Christmas Eve, @ Tampa Bay) and their annual Thanksgiving Day game (Miami). If there is so much as ONE GAME not played due to this lockout business - well.........I will not be happy. Let's just put it that way. I don't even want to think about it.
- My last "official" day as the Columbus West Branch Administrator was today. My boss, Josh, & I met at 6:30 this morning for our last "one-on-one" and I was proud that I only teared up once. I can't remember a more stressful, busy, over-my-head, physically & mentally EXHAUSTING two weeks in my life, except for maybe during finals in college, but not really even then. Between training my replacement and letting some things go (not my strong suit) at my "old" branch......and getting situated and organized (will be a LONG process) at my "new" branch - well, thank God it is the weekend. I very well may not make it out of bed this weekend, let alone change out of pajamas. I am WORN OUT. I know my job isn't life and death by any means, but I definitely take pride in my work....and sometimes to my own detriment, get in over my head.
- I run the mini marathon 2 weeks from tomorrow. Dear Lord, please just let it be DRY. This rain is enough to make me crazy...........it's hard enough for me in long distances as it is without adding rain to the mix.
- We aren't going home for Easter this year, but unlike last year when I tried to find a ham for the 2 of us and could only find 7- and 8-pounders so we settled for pork chops instead - I found a small little ham for us and am busy trying to figure out what else to make. It sucks that we aren't going home, but with the mini in 2 weeks and it just not being a huge day for either of our families (outside of family dinners/ church) - it's nice kind of just having that day for ourselves. Easter is LATE this year! Wonder when the last time was that it was this late.....((note to self, google it!))
- Baby fever has continued to stay high. Don't think there's much chance of it breaking anytime soon. However, we have (thankfully) paid off/ paid down a few credit cards/ loans in the last months (thanks to our tax check and my profit sharing from work, wahoo!) and are now starting to "snowball" some of our other debt. I know you can never be TRULY ready...but by God we will be as ready as we can!
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