Decisions

Yesterday, I made a decision. I decided I was TIRED of being back in my non-skinny-ish pants....I was TIRED of looking through last year's pictures and being disgusted with my current self b/c I KNOW what it takes....I was TIRED of just feeling like CRAP.

So, yesterday, I did 3 things. I got about 50 oz of water in (not 64, but a lot more than I've been drinking recently), I put my running shoes on and ran (jogged) for 2.03 miles (further than I've ran anytime in the last month, and it was slow, but I did it) and lastly, instead of a little ice cream after dinner, I had a yogurt. Today was more of the same....more water during the day and just finished a quick (1.5 miles, but more painful than yesterday) run.

Getting back to it isn't easy - it's HARD. But I didn't get back to my current self overnight, so fixing it isn't going to happen overnight, either. 

There is no magic number on the scale.  Not for me.  Last year, I thought there was, but as I lingered around the 10-pounds-away mark, I felt GOOD.  I didn't feel like I was depriving myself (WHAT?!  Still able to eat Olive Garden!?!?  Yes.  It's true.  But instead of 3 breadsticks, a salad [which, by the way, by the bowl - THREE HUNDRED CALORIES] and a full meal, I'd have ONE breadstick, a couple bites of salad, and HALF my dinner [I'd immediately ask for a to-go box and box half of my meal as soon as it came out b/c I tend to pick at food if it's in front of me]?  McDonalds?  SURE!  But instead of a large Big Mac meal, I'd order a Happy Meal), I had the highest cardio endurance I could remember, and I wasn't disgusted with myself in pictures. 

I want to get back to that place.  The place where all of my currently-2-sizes-too-small pants are back on my shelf that's in reach.  The place where I don't cringe at a picture of myself.  The place where I just.  feel.  better.  about.  myself.

That's all.  As it gets colder outside and darker earlier, it's going to be hard to keep myself motivated.  But as Chris and I continue talking about and trying to start a family, I need to start taking better of myself. 

Wait.  Let me rephrase.

".....I WILL start taking better care of myself." 

Period.