Last day of summer 2012.
I have to admit, I don't really mind.....spring and summer weren't that big of a treat this year because of the mild winter we had, and really May-July were just about unbearable outside. Trust me, I'd rather have heat than snow anyday, but when you can't even walk from your office to your car without your breath catching from the heat, it's too much.
((The fact we didn't have a readily available pool this summer didn't help either. Next summer we WILL be getting a membership!))
So, fall is here. The leaves are turning, the weather has turned cooler (we haven't had the AC or heat on in 2 weeks), FOOTBALL SEASON IS HERE (which is cause for great excitement except when the Cowboys come out and play like they did this past Sunday.....), the holidays are right around the corner and it just feels like a new year, a new chance at life - since for 17 years of my life that's when the new year DID start, and I haven't quite ditched the mindset.
But with the turning of the seasons it's just another reminder that while we thought we could have a 3 or 4 month old by now, we're still not pregnant........and it's disheartening. Fortunately, we took another step today. Going to an RE is never what one envisions when thinking about starting a family..........having a baby should be one of the most natural things in the world without much thought behind it, but here we sit, starting to put this huge step of our lives into science's hands. The doctor was very encouraging, very nice - asked TONS of questions and gave us TONS of information, but fortunately (or unfortunately) I kept up pretty well b/c of all the research I've done on my own. We have a tentative plan in place and I have to keep reminding myself that while, yes, it's science........God does have a plan. It's hard to not get caught up in percentages and bar graphs and charts and reading material, but faith has to take over, or I'll go nuts.
So that's what I've been working on lately..........faith. Faith that God DOES know our wishes and that He DOES want us to have a baby - but in His own time. It'll happen. I just know it. I'm just trying to keep my mind off every little thing - starting to get back into running (trying to get to or under the 31-minute mark for a 5K I'm doing in 3 weeks), and thinking about starting a new little side adventure. More to come on that soon....maybe!
Adios summer..........here's looking forward and upwards.
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Monday, July 25, 2011
Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep....
....a prayer that, since I was just a little girl, I still say before drifting to sleep at night. It's usually quick and is usually a last thought before I truly fall asleep, but I say it - every night.
I subscribe to a wonderful devotion that sends daily emails.....Proverbs 31. It's phenomenal. It's not one of those long and drawn out emails you get with other sites - just short, simple, thought-provoking little tidbits that more often than not make me sit back and think....."huh."
Today's was no exception. It talked about how modern day people think of our days at rise, work then rest.....when in the Bible it says: “God called the light ‘day,’ and the darkness he called ‘night.’ And there was evening, and there was morning— the first day.” Genesis 1:5 (NIV)
Interesting. Rest, rise, work. So often during the day (weekdays especially), I so look forward to going to sleep. I adore sleep. I love naps. I love sleeping in. I love getting to rest and shut my brain down from a long day (easier said than done, sometimes!). How different would it be though, if when I laid down at night, I thought of the upcoming rest as another way for God to work through me? The lady who wrote this devotional said, "As I lie down, close my eyes, pray, and slip from consciousness, I do so with the understanding that it is God who holds everything together during my temporary absence from the world. And it’s Him who will continue to hold everything together when I rise and work in the coming daylight. At no point — day or night — am I independent of Him. He even has the power to direct my dreams should He desire."
Isn't that neat? I never really thought of sleep this way. I of all people know how much in control we like to be, to be in control of every thought, action, emotion. I think it's a very comforting thought that even in my most vulnerable state of being, God is there.......working through me, working in me. I am never alone, even in sleep. Even in rest.
This is an idea that has started kind of rolling around in my brain........kind of like a marble in a big box.....I'm not sure where these thoughts are going and I know I want to think about this some more....but for now, I just wanted to get some initial thoughts on paper (or keyboard).
God is so much bigger than I am. He's bigger than my marriage, He's bigger than my work life, He's bigger than all of our struggles & worries about money and babies and houses. He's bigger than those moments of my (too-often) doubting myself and my purpose in this life. He's bigger than my personal insecurities, He's bigger than all the mistakes I've made (even the really big big BIG mistake that almost cost me my marriage)......no matter how alone or how lonely or how sad or happy or glad or upset or ANYTHING I am or feel - He is there.
Why do I fight Him?
I subscribe to a wonderful devotion that sends daily emails.....Proverbs 31. It's phenomenal. It's not one of those long and drawn out emails you get with other sites - just short, simple, thought-provoking little tidbits that more often than not make me sit back and think....."huh."
Today's was no exception. It talked about how modern day people think of our days at rise, work then rest.....when in the Bible it says: “God called the light ‘day,’ and the darkness he called ‘night.’ And there was evening, and there was morning— the first day.” Genesis 1:5 (NIV)
Interesting. Rest, rise, work. So often during the day (weekdays especially), I so look forward to going to sleep. I adore sleep. I love naps. I love sleeping in. I love getting to rest and shut my brain down from a long day (easier said than done, sometimes!). How different would it be though, if when I laid down at night, I thought of the upcoming rest as another way for God to work through me? The lady who wrote this devotional said, "As I lie down, close my eyes, pray, and slip from consciousness, I do so with the understanding that it is God who holds everything together during my temporary absence from the world. And it’s Him who will continue to hold everything together when I rise and work in the coming daylight. At no point — day or night — am I independent of Him. He even has the power to direct my dreams should He desire."
Isn't that neat? I never really thought of sleep this way. I of all people know how much in control we like to be, to be in control of every thought, action, emotion. I think it's a very comforting thought that even in my most vulnerable state of being, God is there.......working through me, working in me. I am never alone, even in sleep. Even in rest.
This is an idea that has started kind of rolling around in my brain........kind of like a marble in a big box.....I'm not sure where these thoughts are going and I know I want to think about this some more....but for now, I just wanted to get some initial thoughts on paper (or keyboard).
God is so much bigger than I am. He's bigger than my marriage, He's bigger than my work life, He's bigger than all of our struggles & worries about money and babies and houses. He's bigger than those moments of my (too-often) doubting myself and my purpose in this life. He's bigger than my personal insecurities, He's bigger than all the mistakes I've made (even the really big big BIG mistake that almost cost me my marriage)......no matter how alone or how lonely or how sad or happy or glad or upset or ANYTHING I am or feel - He is there.
Why do I fight Him?
Monday, January 24, 2011
Humble
I'm feeling very humbled at this precise moment.
Blogs are wonderful things, aren't they? I had one in college through Xanga (it's still active....I just can't bear to take it down!) and I just laugh to myself when I think about it and read through some old entries. There's a lot of history in that blog 'o youth. One of my first entries was late late late one night my freshman year, as my roommate Jenine and I watched our country launch its "Shock & Awe" attack on Iraq. That was March of 2003. A lot has happened since then!
Anyway, I'm on this site a lot checking for friends' updates - thank goodness for technology when you live a state away from your family & friends! Through one of my friends' blogs (thanks, Ashley!), I came across a blog called "Bring the Rain," which happens to be a song by one of my favorite Christian bands, Mercy Me. I'm only sad that I just found her blog, because what a phenomenal woman this lady is. She & her husband had a small family going and found out they were expecting another child - a little girl. Early in the pregnancy, they found out the baby had major growth complications and wouldn't likely survive birth, let alone outside the womb. Still, they decided to continue on with the pregnancy and delivered a little girl who actually lived long enough for her parents & big sisters to love on her awhile.
Another one I just found - "To Bring Him Glory" - another amazing story. Your typical couple; married, bought a house, found out they were pregnant. Healthy pregnancy, normal birth, happy little girl until one day she got a fever & wouldn't eat - and 4 days later was gone. GONE. They got pregnant again almost right away - another healthy pregnancy - only to find out in her last trimester that her husband had a BRAIN TUMOR. A brain tumor!!!!!! He's doing okay.....and fortunately, their little boy was born healthy and they just had another one :)
But the common theme between these two women - their faith. Their absolute, unwavering, steady - faith. Faith in God. Faith that He would bring them through everything okay. Faith that He knew what He was doing and that He wouldn't steer them wrong. That He DID have a plan.
What faith. I'm literally shaking my head as I write this post. If I could even physically survive any of those things - I'm not sure my faith would make it, too. How easy it would be to blame God, that faceless 'being' in my life - this 'being' of good-doing and wonder - how could He do something like that?
I've seen first hand what happens when God chooses difficult paths for people. What happened to my dad - my dad's faith survived, but only because of the faith he had instilled in him before November 1, 1980 ever happened. My Nana - not so much. I think she believes in A God....but the great, wonderful, merciful God? I don't think so. My own husband had his own father taken from him when he wasn't even 10 years old, and not that his family was "super-religious" before that - but who wouldn't blame them for turning their backs to God? What kind of God takes a father of 3 and a husband of 10+ years away in an instant?
I'm proud of my faith and I'm proud of my Catholic upbringing. But I truly have to question myself - how would that faith stand up against tragedy? I turned to my faith in some rough moments in the last year or so and I know without a doubt that it is my faith that kept me from....well, kept me from a lot of things. It was that single, shining beacon of light that was HOME. Maybe I take my faith for granted. Maybe faith is like exercise. You need to work on it daily to make it stronger. I pray. I go to church (not as often as I should). I try to watch my language. But is that enough?
What else can I do to make my faith as strong as these women? Talk about heroines. I think I just found some for myself. :)
Blogs are wonderful things, aren't they? I had one in college through Xanga (it's still active....I just can't bear to take it down!) and I just laugh to myself when I think about it and read through some old entries. There's a lot of history in that blog 'o youth. One of my first entries was late late late one night my freshman year, as my roommate Jenine and I watched our country launch its "Shock & Awe" attack on Iraq. That was March of 2003. A lot has happened since then!
Anyway, I'm on this site a lot checking for friends' updates - thank goodness for technology when you live a state away from your family & friends! Through one of my friends' blogs (thanks, Ashley!), I came across a blog called "Bring the Rain," which happens to be a song by one of my favorite Christian bands, Mercy Me. I'm only sad that I just found her blog, because what a phenomenal woman this lady is. She & her husband had a small family going and found out they were expecting another child - a little girl. Early in the pregnancy, they found out the baby had major growth complications and wouldn't likely survive birth, let alone outside the womb. Still, they decided to continue on with the pregnancy and delivered a little girl who actually lived long enough for her parents & big sisters to love on her awhile.
Another one I just found - "To Bring Him Glory" - another amazing story. Your typical couple; married, bought a house, found out they were pregnant. Healthy pregnancy, normal birth, happy little girl until one day she got a fever & wouldn't eat - and 4 days later was gone. GONE. They got pregnant again almost right away - another healthy pregnancy - only to find out in her last trimester that her husband had a BRAIN TUMOR. A brain tumor!!!!!! He's doing okay.....and fortunately, their little boy was born healthy and they just had another one :)
But the common theme between these two women - their faith. Their absolute, unwavering, steady - faith. Faith in God. Faith that He would bring them through everything okay. Faith that He knew what He was doing and that He wouldn't steer them wrong. That He DID have a plan.
What faith. I'm literally shaking my head as I write this post. If I could even physically survive any of those things - I'm not sure my faith would make it, too. How easy it would be to blame God, that faceless 'being' in my life - this 'being' of good-doing and wonder - how could He do something like that?
I've seen first hand what happens when God chooses difficult paths for people. What happened to my dad - my dad's faith survived, but only because of the faith he had instilled in him before November 1, 1980 ever happened. My Nana - not so much. I think she believes in A God....but the great, wonderful, merciful God? I don't think so. My own husband had his own father taken from him when he wasn't even 10 years old, and not that his family was "super-religious" before that - but who wouldn't blame them for turning their backs to God? What kind of God takes a father of 3 and a husband of 10+ years away in an instant?
I'm proud of my faith and I'm proud of my Catholic upbringing. But I truly have to question myself - how would that faith stand up against tragedy? I turned to my faith in some rough moments in the last year or so and I know without a doubt that it is my faith that kept me from....well, kept me from a lot of things. It was that single, shining beacon of light that was HOME. Maybe I take my faith for granted. Maybe faith is like exercise. You need to work on it daily to make it stronger. I pray. I go to church (not as often as I should). I try to watch my language. But is that enough?
What else can I do to make my faith as strong as these women? Talk about heroines. I think I just found some for myself. :)
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Weekend Recap
This weekend ended a lot better than it began.
I slept a LONG time Friday night, and I couldn't have needed it more. I'm still trying to stave off this cold or whatever is trying to take over, but lots of sleep in the last 2 nights, lots of water, and lots of day/nyquil have helped.
Yesterday, Chris didn't get off until 2....we went to a late lunch and we came back so he could take a nap. For the first time in....????? 2 years at least?, I went to Confession (Reconciliation) at St. Brendans. The Msgr. "running the show" was so nice and supportive and kind. I was a mess. A sniffling, somber, remorseful, MESS. I wasn't in there but maybe 5 minutes, but was able to come out to a darkened, candlelit church (Mass getting ready to start within the next hour) and kneel by myself, in silence, and just BE. I think when some people hear other people say "I felt God with me," it sounds cheesy........but there isn't a single other feeling I can even put into words. All at once, I just felt such peace. Lightened. What I've done in the past, the big things and little things.........it was just such an amazing experience for me and I'm glad I went. I also went to Mass last night for the first time in a long time for the 2nd Sunday of Advent, and I'm glad I did that, too.
Last night, Chris & I went out to dinner and came back home and watched Valentine's Day that he had DVR'd. I heard a lot of people that didn't like that movie, but I thought it was really cute! I still can't believe how many big names were in there.
Today, I slept late again, we went to grab lunch, went grocery shopping, and came back to watch my 3-8 Cowboys BEAT the 6-5 Colts!! Outside of Dallas' division rivals, I hate the Colts more than any other team in the league (95% of my Colts' fan acquaintances being why.....seriously, look up bandwagon and you'll see these people) and it was good to get a win there today.
I need to take a shower and get to bed to gear up for what's looking to be a busy week......snow is definitely upon us, we have November close on Friday, and I'm leaving early on Friday to head to Indy for a girls weekend with my mom, sister & Nana. We're staying at a hotel that's right next to Circle Center and have tickets to the Beef & Boards show on Saturday night. If I've been to downtown Indy for Christmas, its been a LONG time, and I'm looking forward to spending some time with my family just shopping and enjoying the season!
Here's to looking up -
I slept a LONG time Friday night, and I couldn't have needed it more. I'm still trying to stave off this cold or whatever is trying to take over, but lots of sleep in the last 2 nights, lots of water, and lots of day/nyquil have helped.
Yesterday, Chris didn't get off until 2....we went to a late lunch and we came back so he could take a nap. For the first time in....????? 2 years at least?, I went to Confession (Reconciliation) at St. Brendans. The Msgr. "running the show" was so nice and supportive and kind. I was a mess. A sniffling, somber, remorseful, MESS. I wasn't in there but maybe 5 minutes, but was able to come out to a darkened, candlelit church (Mass getting ready to start within the next hour) and kneel by myself, in silence, and just BE. I think when some people hear other people say "I felt God with me," it sounds cheesy........but there isn't a single other feeling I can even put into words. All at once, I just felt such peace. Lightened. What I've done in the past, the big things and little things.........it was just such an amazing experience for me and I'm glad I went. I also went to Mass last night for the first time in a long time for the 2nd Sunday of Advent, and I'm glad I did that, too.
Last night, Chris & I went out to dinner and came back home and watched Valentine's Day that he had DVR'd. I heard a lot of people that didn't like that movie, but I thought it was really cute! I still can't believe how many big names were in there.
Today, I slept late again, we went to grab lunch, went grocery shopping, and came back to watch my 3-8 Cowboys BEAT the 6-5 Colts!! Outside of Dallas' division rivals, I hate the Colts more than any other team in the league (95% of my Colts' fan acquaintances being why.....seriously, look up bandwagon and you'll see these people) and it was good to get a win there today.
I need to take a shower and get to bed to gear up for what's looking to be a busy week......snow is definitely upon us, we have November close on Friday, and I'm leaving early on Friday to head to Indy for a girls weekend with my mom, sister & Nana. We're staying at a hotel that's right next to Circle Center and have tickets to the Beef & Boards show on Saturday night. If I've been to downtown Indy for Christmas, its been a LONG time, and I'm looking forward to spending some time with my family just shopping and enjoying the season!
Here's to looking up -
Thursday, September 23, 2010
I Saw God Today
There's a story out there....not sure where it started, but ever since I read it, I remember it everytime I come across a penny. You know, the story about a woman who goes out and has dinner with her wealthy boss....she watches him stop outside the restaurant, stoop down to pick up a penny, pause and smile, put the coin in his pocket, and goes about the evening. She wonders why he stopped and smiled and KEPT the penny....so much so that she asks him. He points out to her "In God We Trust"....and she's confused.
He says: "Whenever I find a coin I see that inscription. It is written on every US coin, but we never seem to notice it! God drops a message right in front of me telling me to trust Him? Who am I to pass it by? When I see a coin, I pray. I stop to see if my trust IS in God at that moment. I pick the coin up as a response to God; that I do trust in Him. For a short time, at least, I cherish it as if it were gold. I think it is God's way of starting a conversation with me."
I LOVE that story....and since then, have found dozens of pennies in my path. I don't always stop to pick them up, and I may not even stop....but with every penny I see, I smile, knowing that no matter what....God DOES have a plan. No matter what kind of pain, or stress, or worry, or sadness I go through - it's FOR something.
And while I may not be the best Catholic or even Christian, I feel stronger in my faith everyday. This week has been stressful....Monday morning, I was immediately greeted at work with stress. I came home in a bad mood, and whined to Chris all night. Tuesday was more of the same....until a song came on on my iPod player that made me stop in my tracks. "How Great Thou Art," the acoustic version. That song was a favorite of my great grandparents, and it is just such a powerful song. It really made me stop and think....and remember. I closed my eyes, just for a second, and just felt such peace. If I listened really closely, I could my great-grandma Guenzel's slightly warbly voice, singing beside me in church. But at that moment, I was so thankful.
I have a good job. I have a husband of 2 years/ best friend of almost 8. I have a home (well, apartment). I have family & friends who love me. Things aren't ever as bad as they seem.
And the week got better.....if only for a few minutes.
He says: "Whenever I find a coin I see that inscription. It is written on every US coin, but we never seem to notice it! God drops a message right in front of me telling me to trust Him? Who am I to pass it by? When I see a coin, I pray. I stop to see if my trust IS in God at that moment. I pick the coin up as a response to God; that I do trust in Him. For a short time, at least, I cherish it as if it were gold. I think it is God's way of starting a conversation with me."
I LOVE that story....and since then, have found dozens of pennies in my path. I don't always stop to pick them up, and I may not even stop....but with every penny I see, I smile, knowing that no matter what....God DOES have a plan. No matter what kind of pain, or stress, or worry, or sadness I go through - it's FOR something.
And while I may not be the best Catholic or even Christian, I feel stronger in my faith everyday. This week has been stressful....Monday morning, I was immediately greeted at work with stress. I came home in a bad mood, and whined to Chris all night. Tuesday was more of the same....until a song came on on my iPod player that made me stop in my tracks. "How Great Thou Art," the acoustic version. That song was a favorite of my great grandparents, and it is just such a powerful song. It really made me stop and think....and remember. I closed my eyes, just for a second, and just felt such peace. If I listened really closely, I could my great-grandma Guenzel's slightly warbly voice, singing beside me in church. But at that moment, I was so thankful.
I have a good job. I have a husband of 2 years/ best friend of almost 8. I have a home (well, apartment). I have family & friends who love me. Things aren't ever as bad as they seem.
And the week got better.....if only for a few minutes.
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