A lot of things have hindered my Christmas spirit this year.
We are on month 4 of trying to have a baby, with no luck so far. If one more person tells me to "relax, it'll happen in its own time," I'm going to FLIP OUT. That's like telling a little kid to NOT lick the frosting off a cupcake you put right in front of them and walk out of the room (lame analogy but all I could come up with on short notice). Don't tell me to relax. Don't tell me that "God has His own plans." I know all this. It's just frustrating, especially when it literally seems like everyone of any kind of relationship or acquaintance-ship to me is pregnant lately (including a 10-years older than me friend who has had her tubes tied...ectopic and very scary, but still? How does that happen???)......for the first time, for the 2nd time, for the 15th time.......ok, I kid on that last one. But when we started trying around our anniversary, I thought for sure everyone's Christmas present could be, "Surprise! You're going to be an aunt/ uncle/ cousin/ grandma/ grandpa again/ for the first time!" Not so much. Sigh. (Wallows in self-pity).
Money continues to be of short supply, but that's no different than any other day.
We moved in October and while we are 95% settled, there are always those 5% of boxes of random STUFF that need to be put away (or in our case, put UP on walls, etc). That being said, we have done ZERO decorating in our house for Christmas. Nothing. No lights, no tree, no wreath, no stockings. It just seems like so much work when he have everyday stuff that isn't even up yet. And to our defense, we came back after Thanksgiving weekend completely worn OUT. Were home for the 3rd and 4th but never got around to it. We were in Indy with friends last weekend. We're home this weekend, but at that point, what IS the point? We're leaving next Thursday night or Friday morning for Indiana. I rationalize it as we're not even HOME for Christmas and haven't been since we've been married.......maybe next year there will be a little reason to put up a tree!! (Crosses fingers).
Work is stressful (again, nothing new) awaiting snow and getting ready for 2012 (wait, 2012?!?!?).
I still have a lot of Christmas shopping left to do, if for no other reason than I've just been putting it off. I enjoy it, but it's like every weekend comes and I just find something else to do.
The Cowboys are doing their best to give me a heart attack week in and week out. Heart attacks when we end up with Ws = okay. Heart attacks when we end up giving games away = not okay.
But.
The last 4 days have done a lot to remedy my spiritlessness.
A little pat on my back here, so bear with me.....Sunday, I went to a Beef & Boards show in Indy with Chris' mom, sister &; grandma (PS - "Silent Night" gets me EVERYTIME). As Chris & I were waiting for them to come meet me (and him to head off to meet friends), we watched a large crowd of people walk in. One of them dropped cash. $125. In CASH. I ran after the crowd, asking several people if they had lost any money. No cigar (one telling me, "looks like you are $125 richer!" How? How would I spend that money??). So I wait until the show is over, go to the "main office" window. Ask if anyone had reported missing money. Yes, but had been found and returned. Huh. Must be different. Turn to walk away. Lady goes, "wait, how much was it?" I hesitated.....she asked, "$125?" I nod. Turns out, long story short, an older gentleman met his daughter at the show. He was scheduled to have some dental work done. He couldn't pay for it. Daughter hands him $125. Man loses money. Man is distraight. Daughter tells father that it's not a big deal, here's more money. Man refuses, doesn't want to take daughter's money again. Walks away. Daughter hands money to office, asking them to call the gentleman later telling him the money had been "found." They took her info just in case. The money I had got returned. I could have used that money, for sure. But how could I have spent that money knowing how upset (especially at this time of year!!) I would be if I lost $125? It at least got me a "God bless you" from an older lady who had overheard the exchange. :)
Then, tomorrow is my 4th Christmas party with Brickman. That meant the Food Drive I started back in 2008 was in its 4th year this year, and we dropped off today. 3,399 pounds donated, and that doesn't even count one of the branches. Last year's total? 1,397. I am SO PROUD of the people I work with. One of my supervisors (not even salaried) handed me $150 on Tuesday to go towards the mass shopping trip I did today. This kid is younger than me, married. I almost burst into tears when he explained that "My wife & I budgeted for this. This is half our grocery budget for the month; we can afford it. We're very blessed." I about fell over. When it was all said and done, my branch collected almost 1600 items. Absolutely amazed and a little proud, too. They say 1 pound equals 1 meal, generally, so we just fed about 4,000 people.
Babies will come. Cowboys will be my Cowboys. We'll never have enough money. Work will always be work. But day after day, year after year, I'm astounded at the generosity of others, and even proud of the way I was raised. We don't need decorations, or lights, or stockings hung to be thankful for the life we DO have. We don't have to depend on a food bank for our daily meals. We have enough money to buy little things for our loved ones. We are blessed by groups of friends who open their homes when we're coming in from out of town and always make time to see us for dinner, or drinks, or whatever, when we get to see each other, which isn't nearly often enough. We're going to be surrounded by those who love us most next weekend for Christmas, and I'll get to sit next to the people who mean the most to me in this world during Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve.
That's everything I need.
