I've been putting off starting Insanity for two weeks now. I've been scared to death of it.
With good reason. Holy crap.
I started today with just the FIT TEST. It's a 25 minute DVD and I am OUT OF SHAPE b/c I am SWEATING LIKE A PIG. And hurting. Geez.
I am, of course, planning on sticking with the, well, you know, plan (6 days a week may be a little much but I will do everything I can).....but my overall goal here is to just start feeling better....inside and out. It took me 4 shirts Saturday night before my birthday dinner out with Chris before I finally just settled on something. Ugh. I am TIRED of feeling like that. So....here goes nothing.
In other news.......I am almost done with day 2 of 29. Last year of my 20s. I'll discuss more about that later....but I had a very good birthday, including a big Cowboys win! Yeah!
Also in other news, I now have 2 neices and/ or nephews in heaven. My poor SIL lost another one - we found out less than 2 weeks after we found out that she was pregnant again that this one had just stopped growing. It's all so hard to process and wrap your head around. We are in very similar, very scary, very hard situations - but at the very least, I know what she's going through, and I (to a point) know what she's going through. I can only pray that it happens for us both SOON!!! What makes it so much harder is knowing the first one would've been due in about 2 weeks.....but we will all be together for Thanksgiving which hopefully will help. My heart just breaks - for both of us.
Only 7 work days to get through before 4 days off work - I'm ready for a break - no matter how much of a whirlwind these holiday weekends always are.
Time to go lay down. On the floor. Happy November everyone!
Monday, November 12, 2012
Monday, October 22, 2012
Better
I'm feeling a little better today. A little less....unglued. A little more together. A little less unhinged.
(Work and all of the guys I work with may put me in the looney bin, but that's another story. I got through the day without strangling anyone, and for that I deserve a big bonus!)
I've decided I just have to go about my life like normal. And then, when (not if, when) we do get pregnant, then I'll make adjustments.
That being said, I think I'm 90% talked into running the mini again next year. Columbus or Indy, I don't know yet, but it was a nice goal to work towards the first time, and this second time, I'd love to run it faster than I did last time. I'd LOVE to run it in about 2:10 (a steady 10 minute pace), but anything under 2:30 I'd be thrilled with. We'll see.
A guy from work also brought me the Insanity dvd's. I've heard a few people that have had great results from it, and it would be something else to a) get myself into shape and b) feel better about myself and c) get my mind off of everything. It's supposed to be pretty intense, but I need a good challenge.
I ALSO think I may start selling Scentsy soon. Don't know what Scentsy is? You will soon! :) I LOVE their stuff and, unlike 31, hasn't really taken off here yet (ie, everyone and their mom isn't selling it yet). Also unlike 31, people can run out of products, so the opportunities for selling are a lot higher. Maybe. I haven't quite decided, but I'm leaning towards it.
...."hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies."
(Work and all of the guys I work with may put me in the looney bin, but that's another story. I got through the day without strangling anyone, and for that I deserve a big bonus!)
I've decided I just have to go about my life like normal. And then, when (not if, when) we do get pregnant, then I'll make adjustments.
That being said, I think I'm 90% talked into running the mini again next year. Columbus or Indy, I don't know yet, but it was a nice goal to work towards the first time, and this second time, I'd love to run it faster than I did last time. I'd LOVE to run it in about 2:10 (a steady 10 minute pace), but anything under 2:30 I'd be thrilled with. We'll see.
A guy from work also brought me the Insanity dvd's. I've heard a few people that have had great results from it, and it would be something else to a) get myself into shape and b) feel better about myself and c) get my mind off of everything. It's supposed to be pretty intense, but I need a good challenge.
I ALSO think I may start selling Scentsy soon. Don't know what Scentsy is? You will soon! :) I LOVE their stuff and, unlike 31, hasn't really taken off here yet (ie, everyone and their mom isn't selling it yet). Also unlike 31, people can run out of products, so the opportunities for selling are a lot higher. Maybe. I haven't quite decided, but I'm leaning towards it.
...."hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies."
Friday, October 19, 2012
Horrible, No Good Person
I'm going to be an aunt in June. Hopefully this time around it is a better outcome than the last (as opposed to a miscarriage at 9 weeks, fetus was only 3 weeks)....but today they finally heard and saw the heartbeat and the baby is measuring at 6 weeks (although the calendar says about 9 weeks).
I heard the news from Chris and I burst into tears. And didn't stop crying for a good half hour. Fortunately, she knows how I feel and is sympathetic to what I'm going through and didn't call me this time. I did text her. I'm excited for her, but I am devastated for me.
I am a horrible, horrible person.
This isn't fair. I don't want to adopt a baby. I want my OWN. I was put on this earth to be a Mom. And not a Mom of someone else's baby, my own. I want a little piece of Chris and me walking around.
I'm just asking for one. That's all I want. I won't be greedy and ask for a 2nd one.
Just one happy, healthy baby. That's all I want. All I can think about.
I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of thinking about it. Tired of that sinking feeling in my heart everytime I see another baby picture or announcement on facebook, tired of feeling like an awful person b/c the first feeling I feel isn't happiness, it's sheer & utter jealousy and wanting.
But I can't help it. I wonder at what point it's time to just hang it up for awhile.
I don't know. I'm just sad. And I'm tired of saying "I'll be okay." or "I'll be fine."
Because I'm not. I'm not okay. I'm not fine.
I heard the news from Chris and I burst into tears. And didn't stop crying for a good half hour. Fortunately, she knows how I feel and is sympathetic to what I'm going through and didn't call me this time. I did text her. I'm excited for her, but I am devastated for me.
I am a horrible, horrible person.
This isn't fair. I don't want to adopt a baby. I want my OWN. I was put on this earth to be a Mom. And not a Mom of someone else's baby, my own. I want a little piece of Chris and me walking around.
I'm just asking for one. That's all I want. I won't be greedy and ask for a 2nd one.
Just one happy, healthy baby. That's all I want. All I can think about.
I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of thinking about it. Tired of that sinking feeling in my heart everytime I see another baby picture or announcement on facebook, tired of feeling like an awful person b/c the first feeling I feel isn't happiness, it's sheer & utter jealousy and wanting.
But I can't help it. I wonder at what point it's time to just hang it up for awhile.
I don't know. I'm just sad. And I'm tired of saying "I'll be okay." or "I'll be fine."
Because I'm not. I'm not okay. I'm not fine.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
I don't even.
I always have such good intentions of writing in here.....interesting things do happen to me on occasion.....but I just never do. And then I'm stuck trying to shove the last month of my life into one novelish blog for posterity. It doesn't work.
Let's see. My life in the last month?
Hertz (car rentals) gave me, possibly, the most horrible customer service experience imaginable last weekend. I highly do NOT recommend them. Even if you have to walk to get where you're going b/c they're the last cars on earth, don't do it. Awful.
I have no branch manager at my work until mid January. He was picked to be part of a team set up by our new CEO (for the first time in over 70 years, a Brickman is not holding that position) to evaluate parts of our business, and is traveling Mondays through Thursdays, and working from home Fridays. So - that hasn't been fun. I really do enjoy working for my boss, and with him, and since our offices are separated by only a set of French doors that are normally open, I'm actually kind of lonely without him around! I'm also afraid he's never coming back..........lots of drama in the 10 days since hes been gone, and I just don't know. I'm anxious to see what will happen in the next 6 to 12 months, and what will change. This new CEO does not mess around, and I think a lot of the old processes and rules will be out the door. But until then.....operations has support, sales has support, and poor me just has to hang in there. (Feel sorry for me yet?)
Thanksgiving is 5 weeks from today. What????
Cowboys are 2-3 and I'm disgusted by them. I'm picking against them for the rest of the year.
But at least the Cardinals are in the postseason and are just 2 games away from another WS appearance. Go Redbirds!
And this baby business. I don't even know. It has been a very rough couple of days. I was supposed to start Friday. Nothing Friday. Nothing Saturday. Nothing Sunday morning. I would've gotten my hopes up, except my routine bloodwork last month showed my progesterone levels dropped from 20 to 9.7. Nevertheless, I was still sad when I did start......and then Monday was just AWFUL. A good friend/ sorority sister/ former roommate had her baby girl Sunday night. Another longtime friend (think since 2nd grade) had her baby boy Monday afternoon. I broke down no less than 4x at work on Monday....I just couldn't get a grip (seriously, get a GRIP).
It's not that I'm not happy for my friends (those 2 + the 4 other friends [yes, I'm dead serious, 6 total friends with babies since Sunday]), but I just want a baby SO BADLY. Chris & I are READY. We are stable. We will love a child SO much. I want my parents to know the joy of being grandparents. And it's just not fair. 14 months have gone by. I should have a 5 month old in my arms right now, but I don't. Every month I just count up another month........at this point we're talking July baby, but I'm not holding my breath for that either........I'm off Clomid for the next 2 months to give my body a break (thank you sweet Jesus), and then December we start Clomid + IUI. We'll see. It's hard though - so hard. I just don't understand how other people can make it so EASY. It's just biology....science has to take over eventually, right??
So anyway - it'll be nice to not have to deal with the hot flashes and mood swings with Clomid this month, but I'm also not too sure how high my chances really are, so just trying to hang in there. Pray for us, please. It is so HARD to just not know.....I'd never wish for a miscarriage, ever, but then at least I'd have some clue that my body knew what it is SUPPOSED to be doing. At this point, the what-ifs start to take over.
Outside of that.......trying to not let babies take over our life........getting back into running - ran a 5K with Mom on Saturday - wanted to run a 10:00 pace and ran about a 10:40 which I wasn't too unhappy with. On the upside of these next two months, hopefully I can get myself back into a decent shape and get some of these pounds off. It can only help. :-/
Oh. And November 6 is only 19 days away. It cannot come soon enough. People + politics + social media. Always a good time.
Let's see. My life in the last month?
Hertz (car rentals) gave me, possibly, the most horrible customer service experience imaginable last weekend. I highly do NOT recommend them. Even if you have to walk to get where you're going b/c they're the last cars on earth, don't do it. Awful.
I have no branch manager at my work until mid January. He was picked to be part of a team set up by our new CEO (for the first time in over 70 years, a Brickman is not holding that position) to evaluate parts of our business, and is traveling Mondays through Thursdays, and working from home Fridays. So - that hasn't been fun. I really do enjoy working for my boss, and with him, and since our offices are separated by only a set of French doors that are normally open, I'm actually kind of lonely without him around! I'm also afraid he's never coming back..........lots of drama in the 10 days since hes been gone, and I just don't know. I'm anxious to see what will happen in the next 6 to 12 months, and what will change. This new CEO does not mess around, and I think a lot of the old processes and rules will be out the door. But until then.....operations has support, sales has support, and poor me just has to hang in there. (Feel sorry for me yet?)
Thanksgiving is 5 weeks from today. What????
Cowboys are 2-3 and I'm disgusted by them. I'm picking against them for the rest of the year.
But at least the Cardinals are in the postseason and are just 2 games away from another WS appearance. Go Redbirds!
And this baby business. I don't even know. It has been a very rough couple of days. I was supposed to start Friday. Nothing Friday. Nothing Saturday. Nothing Sunday morning. I would've gotten my hopes up, except my routine bloodwork last month showed my progesterone levels dropped from 20 to 9.7. Nevertheless, I was still sad when I did start......and then Monday was just AWFUL. A good friend/ sorority sister/ former roommate had her baby girl Sunday night. Another longtime friend (think since 2nd grade) had her baby boy Monday afternoon. I broke down no less than 4x at work on Monday....I just couldn't get a grip (seriously, get a GRIP).
It's not that I'm not happy for my friends (those 2 + the 4 other friends [yes, I'm dead serious, 6 total friends with babies since Sunday]), but I just want a baby SO BADLY. Chris & I are READY. We are stable. We will love a child SO much. I want my parents to know the joy of being grandparents. And it's just not fair. 14 months have gone by. I should have a 5 month old in my arms right now, but I don't. Every month I just count up another month........at this point we're talking July baby, but I'm not holding my breath for that either........I'm off Clomid for the next 2 months to give my body a break (thank you sweet Jesus), and then December we start Clomid + IUI. We'll see. It's hard though - so hard. I just don't understand how other people can make it so EASY. It's just biology....science has to take over eventually, right??
So anyway - it'll be nice to not have to deal with the hot flashes and mood swings with Clomid this month, but I'm also not too sure how high my chances really are, so just trying to hang in there. Pray for us, please. It is so HARD to just not know.....I'd never wish for a miscarriage, ever, but then at least I'd have some clue that my body knew what it is SUPPOSED to be doing. At this point, the what-ifs start to take over.
Outside of that.......trying to not let babies take over our life........getting back into running - ran a 5K with Mom on Saturday - wanted to run a 10:00 pace and ran about a 10:40 which I wasn't too unhappy with. On the upside of these next two months, hopefully I can get myself back into a decent shape and get some of these pounds off. It can only help. :-/
Oh. And November 6 is only 19 days away. It cannot come soon enough. People + politics + social media. Always a good time.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
So long, summer
Last day of summer 2012.
I have to admit, I don't really mind.....spring and summer weren't that big of a treat this year because of the mild winter we had, and really May-July were just about unbearable outside. Trust me, I'd rather have heat than snow anyday, but when you can't even walk from your office to your car without your breath catching from the heat, it's too much.
((The fact we didn't have a readily available pool this summer didn't help either. Next summer we WILL be getting a membership!))
So, fall is here. The leaves are turning, the weather has turned cooler (we haven't had the AC or heat on in 2 weeks), FOOTBALL SEASON IS HERE (which is cause for great excitement except when the Cowboys come out and play like they did this past Sunday.....), the holidays are right around the corner and it just feels like a new year, a new chance at life - since for 17 years of my life that's when the new year DID start, and I haven't quite ditched the mindset.
But with the turning of the seasons it's just another reminder that while we thought we could have a 3 or 4 month old by now, we're still not pregnant........and it's disheartening. Fortunately, we took another step today. Going to an RE is never what one envisions when thinking about starting a family..........having a baby should be one of the most natural things in the world without much thought behind it, but here we sit, starting to put this huge step of our lives into science's hands. The doctor was very encouraging, very nice - asked TONS of questions and gave us TONS of information, but fortunately (or unfortunately) I kept up pretty well b/c of all the research I've done on my own. We have a tentative plan in place and I have to keep reminding myself that while, yes, it's science........God does have a plan. It's hard to not get caught up in percentages and bar graphs and charts and reading material, but faith has to take over, or I'll go nuts.
So that's what I've been working on lately..........faith. Faith that God DOES know our wishes and that He DOES want us to have a baby - but in His own time. It'll happen. I just know it. I'm just trying to keep my mind off every little thing - starting to get back into running (trying to get to or under the 31-minute mark for a 5K I'm doing in 3 weeks), and thinking about starting a new little side adventure. More to come on that soon....maybe!
Adios summer..........here's looking forward and upwards.
I have to admit, I don't really mind.....spring and summer weren't that big of a treat this year because of the mild winter we had, and really May-July were just about unbearable outside. Trust me, I'd rather have heat than snow anyday, but when you can't even walk from your office to your car without your breath catching from the heat, it's too much.
((The fact we didn't have a readily available pool this summer didn't help either. Next summer we WILL be getting a membership!))
So, fall is here. The leaves are turning, the weather has turned cooler (we haven't had the AC or heat on in 2 weeks), FOOTBALL SEASON IS HERE (which is cause for great excitement except when the Cowboys come out and play like they did this past Sunday.....), the holidays are right around the corner and it just feels like a new year, a new chance at life - since for 17 years of my life that's when the new year DID start, and I haven't quite ditched the mindset.
But with the turning of the seasons it's just another reminder that while we thought we could have a 3 or 4 month old by now, we're still not pregnant........and it's disheartening. Fortunately, we took another step today. Going to an RE is never what one envisions when thinking about starting a family..........having a baby should be one of the most natural things in the world without much thought behind it, but here we sit, starting to put this huge step of our lives into science's hands. The doctor was very encouraging, very nice - asked TONS of questions and gave us TONS of information, but fortunately (or unfortunately) I kept up pretty well b/c of all the research I've done on my own. We have a tentative plan in place and I have to keep reminding myself that while, yes, it's science........God does have a plan. It's hard to not get caught up in percentages and bar graphs and charts and reading material, but faith has to take over, or I'll go nuts.
So that's what I've been working on lately..........faith. Faith that God DOES know our wishes and that He DOES want us to have a baby - but in His own time. It'll happen. I just know it. I'm just trying to keep my mind off every little thing - starting to get back into running (trying to get to or under the 31-minute mark for a 5K I'm doing in 3 weeks), and thinking about starting a new little side adventure. More to come on that soon....maybe!
Adios summer..........here's looking forward and upwards.
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Hard.
This is so. hard.
If you've been pregnant before, if you have a child, you've never been here.
You've never been in this place, where after 13 months, it feels hopeless. Out of reach. Like it's never going to happen.
Where it's all you can do to smile and keep on about your life and walk by baby clothes at the store without bursting into tears and be happy for a new friend almost everyday who announces her happy news and to work with guys whose wives are popping babies out like popcorn (4 just since May), or to walk by that couple at the store who can't be out of high school yet have a baby.........to act like it's SO fun and great trying and "practicing," to act like I don't really care when and if it happens and that I'm not counting forward 9 months with every single new period. Where you get past the "prime time" each month and try to not overthink and overanalyze every headache, every OUNCE of nausea, every twinge for the next 2 weeks as you wait for Mother Nature to PLEASEGOD not show up.
I've been on this roller coaster more times than I can count (well, 13 now I guess). Some months I've been okay. Other months I've been devastated (like in June when I thought we were for sure were, and I was already planning in my head to drive home with Chris and give my dad a Father's Day card from his grandchild.......I know, I know, I do it to myself). This month, I'm just pissed. And over it. So tired of it. Chris has been tested (twice) and is fine. I'm finally ovulating thanks to Clomid (the drug from the devil himself) and thanks to a very expensive 15 minutes last month (thank god for insurance), we now know my tubes are open and good.
What makes it so hard, too, is knowing how much everyone else wants this for us. Our parents, our siblings, our friends. I think everyone important to us knows that we are "trying" and therefore has quit with the obnoxious questions, and even with the "You're trying too hard, just relax" commentary.
I try to keep my head up. To "let go and let God." To remind myself that God has a greater plan than I know, and that I just have to keep trusting in what that plan is. But that's hard for me. To give up control. To feel like I have ZERO control in this because truly, I do have zero control. I can take the tests, and count the days, and time things as best as I know how, but it's still out of our hands.
I know all hope is not lost yet. We are just now embarking on this scary road and are a long ways away from the dead end. Hopefully the RE we go see Thursday will have some answers. And, like Chris logically said awhile ago (don't tell him I said that), we've been trying since last August, but I haven't actually been ovulating all that time (they assume). My progesterone levels just got to where they needed to be with July's round of Clomid, so really, we've had 2 cycles worth of actual chances.
I'm trying to keep my head up, I really am. But in these nights where I am up with my own thoughts b/c Chris has to work in the morning, I get overwhelmed with panic, and fear, and hopelessness. I'll be okay. We'll be okay. I have faith that it will happen, and no baby will ever be welcomed with bigger open arms.
If you're reading this, prayers are appreciated.
If you've been pregnant before, if you have a child, you've never been here.
You've never been in this place, where after 13 months, it feels hopeless. Out of reach. Like it's never going to happen.
Where it's all you can do to smile and keep on about your life and walk by baby clothes at the store without bursting into tears and be happy for a new friend almost everyday who announces her happy news and to work with guys whose wives are popping babies out like popcorn (4 just since May), or to walk by that couple at the store who can't be out of high school yet have a baby.........to act like it's SO fun and great trying and "practicing," to act like I don't really care when and if it happens and that I'm not counting forward 9 months with every single new period. Where you get past the "prime time" each month and try to not overthink and overanalyze every headache, every OUNCE of nausea, every twinge for the next 2 weeks as you wait for Mother Nature to PLEASEGOD not show up.
I've been on this roller coaster more times than I can count (well, 13 now I guess). Some months I've been okay. Other months I've been devastated (like in June when I thought we were for sure were, and I was already planning in my head to drive home with Chris and give my dad a Father's Day card from his grandchild.......I know, I know, I do it to myself). This month, I'm just pissed. And over it. So tired of it. Chris has been tested (twice) and is fine. I'm finally ovulating thanks to Clomid (the drug from the devil himself) and thanks to a very expensive 15 minutes last month (thank god for insurance), we now know my tubes are open and good.
What makes it so hard, too, is knowing how much everyone else wants this for us. Our parents, our siblings, our friends. I think everyone important to us knows that we are "trying" and therefore has quit with the obnoxious questions, and even with the "You're trying too hard, just relax" commentary.
I try to keep my head up. To "let go and let God." To remind myself that God has a greater plan than I know, and that I just have to keep trusting in what that plan is. But that's hard for me. To give up control. To feel like I have ZERO control in this because truly, I do have zero control. I can take the tests, and count the days, and time things as best as I know how, but it's still out of our hands.
I know all hope is not lost yet. We are just now embarking on this scary road and are a long ways away from the dead end. Hopefully the RE we go see Thursday will have some answers. And, like Chris logically said awhile ago (don't tell him I said that), we've been trying since last August, but I haven't actually been ovulating all that time (they assume). My progesterone levels just got to where they needed to be with July's round of Clomid, so really, we've had 2 cycles worth of actual chances.
I'm trying to keep my head up, I really am. But in these nights where I am up with my own thoughts b/c Chris has to work in the morning, I get overwhelmed with panic, and fear, and hopelessness. I'll be okay. We'll be okay. I have faith that it will happen, and no baby will ever be welcomed with bigger open arms.
If you're reading this, prayers are appreciated.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Long Time No See
Sorry.
We haven't really been that busy lately (for once), but everytime I think about blogging, I just don't. Not much happening lately, either, except....
1. We are officially in the 10%. Go for big test #1 tomorrow and I am scared shitless. I'm tired of being upset month after month about this; now I am just pissed. And if one more person who HAS a child, or has been pregnant before tells me they "know what I'm going through," they're getting punched. NO, you do NOT know what I'm going through, YOU have a healthy, living, breathing baby. YOUR body has a clue what it's supposed to be doing. Mine does not. Chris has been checked out and is fine. So the rounds of tests begin. Prayers appreciated.
2. Our 10th HS Reunion came and went at the end of July - we didn't go. Out of a 400-person class, there were approximately 75 people RSVP'd, and of those 75 people, 50 of them still live in Terre Haute and all still hang out together anyway. I stay in touch with the few HS friends I need and want to (Chris had more friends in the classes above and below us than in our own); we didn't see the point in making a special trip home just to see the select few we hadn't seen in awhile when we can always make plans at our own convenience. With the emergence of social media like facebook (which came out right around the time of what would've been our 5-year reunion; that year we all came to a mass decision to not even have one - what was the point? Either everyone was just getting out of college or was still in school), everyone knows what is up with everyone (marriage, kids, jobs) and what everyone looks like. What other point is there to going to a HS Reunion? So anyway, we didn't go. Maybe for our 20th. I just can't believe we've been out of HS for 10 years already, and it was this time 10 years ago I was moving into LaFollette Hall at Ball State as a freshman. Oh, the good 'ole days....
3. A couple of weeks ago, my mom FINALLY went in to have a hernia fixed.....she has had it for almost 3 years now but has kept putting it off and putting off until she couldn't anymore - and then of course it was a surgical emergency. Geez. It was awful being 4 hours away, but they were able to do it as an outpatient surgery and she was home the same day, and Dad & Anthony were with her. Throughout the day I was posting updates on my facebook for the few friends and family who knew what was going on (no matter how minor it's scary when someone has to go under local anesesthia for anything that you love!) and I was literally overwhelmed with the amount of support from our friends - facebook messages, texts, etc. Thankfully everything went great and she's now back to her old self but it's amazing how even when minor things are happening you have the core group of friends who don't care WHAT is happening, they actually give a shit and go out of their way to make sure you know that.
4. Our 4th anniversary is 2 weeks from today (again, how??? Time....flies.....). Not many people (including us, some days) thought we'd make it to 1, let alone 4, so every anniversary is that much more special. We are going to stay in TH for a couple of nights the weekend of Labor Day and then head to St. Louis for a couple days by ourselves, and I'm just looking forward to being AWAY. I'm taking the entire week of Labor Day off - we'll be home by Wednesday, but I would've taken Thursday off anyway since Dallas plays that Wednesday night (thank you DNC for moving what has always been a Thursday night game to Wednesday). It'll be nice to actually use some vacation time to actually reLAX, and not have to use the time for appointments or driving or moving. I have 2 full weeks left until a week off and I can't wait.
5. Summer is coming to an end (oh yeah, my baby brother started his SENIOR year of HS Tuesday.....he got a new car over the weekend........I am in COMPLETE denial about this whole thing!) and I, admittedly, am ready for fall. Football season (of course), cooler weather (seriously over this heat and humidity), pumpkin spice lattes from Starbucks, the holidays.....bring it all on! Except for the snow....that can stay the hell away. Work has been busy enough this year and I can't believe it's the middle of August already. Weren't we just closing 2011???
That's about it. Enjoy the storms, everyone!
We haven't really been that busy lately (for once), but everytime I think about blogging, I just don't. Not much happening lately, either, except....
1. We are officially in the 10%. Go for big test #1 tomorrow and I am scared shitless. I'm tired of being upset month after month about this; now I am just pissed. And if one more person who HAS a child, or has been pregnant before tells me they "know what I'm going through," they're getting punched. NO, you do NOT know what I'm going through, YOU have a healthy, living, breathing baby. YOUR body has a clue what it's supposed to be doing. Mine does not. Chris has been checked out and is fine. So the rounds of tests begin. Prayers appreciated.
2. Our 10th HS Reunion came and went at the end of July - we didn't go. Out of a 400-person class, there were approximately 75 people RSVP'd, and of those 75 people, 50 of them still live in Terre Haute and all still hang out together anyway. I stay in touch with the few HS friends I need and want to (Chris had more friends in the classes above and below us than in our own); we didn't see the point in making a special trip home just to see the select few we hadn't seen in awhile when we can always make plans at our own convenience. With the emergence of social media like facebook (which came out right around the time of what would've been our 5-year reunion; that year we all came to a mass decision to not even have one - what was the point? Either everyone was just getting out of college or was still in school), everyone knows what is up with everyone (marriage, kids, jobs) and what everyone looks like. What other point is there to going to a HS Reunion? So anyway, we didn't go. Maybe for our 20th. I just can't believe we've been out of HS for 10 years already, and it was this time 10 years ago I was moving into LaFollette Hall at Ball State as a freshman. Oh, the good 'ole days....
3. A couple of weeks ago, my mom FINALLY went in to have a hernia fixed.....she has had it for almost 3 years now but has kept putting it off and putting off until she couldn't anymore - and then of course it was a surgical emergency. Geez. It was awful being 4 hours away, but they were able to do it as an outpatient surgery and she was home the same day, and Dad & Anthony were with her. Throughout the day I was posting updates on my facebook for the few friends and family who knew what was going on (no matter how minor it's scary when someone has to go under local anesesthia for anything that you love!) and I was literally overwhelmed with the amount of support from our friends - facebook messages, texts, etc. Thankfully everything went great and she's now back to her old self but it's amazing how even when minor things are happening you have the core group of friends who don't care WHAT is happening, they actually give a shit and go out of their way to make sure you know that.
4. Our 4th anniversary is 2 weeks from today (again, how??? Time....flies.....). Not many people (including us, some days) thought we'd make it to 1, let alone 4, so every anniversary is that much more special. We are going to stay in TH for a couple of nights the weekend of Labor Day and then head to St. Louis for a couple days by ourselves, and I'm just looking forward to being AWAY. I'm taking the entire week of Labor Day off - we'll be home by Wednesday, but I would've taken Thursday off anyway since Dallas plays that Wednesday night (thank you DNC for moving what has always been a Thursday night game to Wednesday). It'll be nice to actually use some vacation time to actually reLAX, and not have to use the time for appointments or driving or moving. I have 2 full weeks left until a week off and I can't wait.
5. Summer is coming to an end (oh yeah, my baby brother started his SENIOR year of HS Tuesday.....he got a new car over the weekend........I am in COMPLETE denial about this whole thing!) and I, admittedly, am ready for fall. Football season (of course), cooler weather (seriously over this heat and humidity), pumpkin spice lattes from Starbucks, the holidays.....bring it all on! Except for the snow....that can stay the hell away. Work has been busy enough this year and I can't believe it's the middle of August already. Weren't we just closing 2011???
That's about it. Enjoy the storms, everyone!
Monday, July 30, 2012
Censoring
Warning: vent ahead. I apologize in advance.
Either I'm getting extra crabby in my old age, or people are just really annoying lately. Is that just me?
Anyone could tell you that I'm opinionated. I'm bossy. But I'm smart. And I work hard. And I hate confrontation.
And for that last fact alone, I'll censor myself on 98% of what I want to say 99% of the time. Seriously? I'm 28, when will I stop caring what other people think?
Not sure whether it's the big presidential election coming up (even my fellow Republicans have been having a tendency to get on my nerves, but Democrats, geesh, just as bad - can't we all just get along??)
Or summer coming to an end (not going to lie, I'm stoked at the idea of it not being 90 degrees everyday for weeks) which means everyone gets to be in the same boat of working everyday (I really do love all my teacher friends, but if I see one more post about having a "no schedule" day, I'm gonna flip....I don't work 8-5 shifts [or 40 hour weeks, EVER], I NEVER get lunch breaks, I sometimes work weekends, I take work home too!)
Or the recent shooting
Or this baby business
Or this Chick-Fil-A crap (seriously. LET IT GO. I have gay friends and I'm still going to eat there! Get over it!), but I have hidden more posts and defriended more people on facebook in the last couple weeks than I can remember. I'm fairly sure I've scared most of the guys I work with (moreso than usual) into silence forever (seriously, how hard are timesheets to keep track of???)
Work is....meh. My best friend that I've made here was made through Brickman and she left. She still lives in Cbus and I'll still get to see her, but it's not the same. The day she told me she was leaving, I burst into tears. (Clomid wasn't helping.........)
I don't know what it is, but if I could just disappear into a hole for awhile and come out and everyone just be NICE and not so damned UPPITY, that'd be GREAT.
Lord help me.
On a happy note.....training camp started today....which means first preseason game is in 2! weeks, and regular season kickoff is 5 weeks! from Wednesday. I'm really optimistic about the team this year....but....we all know what that optimism has turned to in the past. So we'll say I'm CAUTIOUSLY hopeful, how about that?
Oh, and I can't tear myself away from the Olympics, nor can I stop myself from tearing up everytime one of our girls or boys wins (or loses, in the case of Jordyn Wieber....bless her heart!) Good thing they're only on once every 4 years.
That's all. Buenos noches.
Either I'm getting extra crabby in my old age, or people are just really annoying lately. Is that just me?
Anyone could tell you that I'm opinionated. I'm bossy. But I'm smart. And I work hard. And I hate confrontation.
And for that last fact alone, I'll censor myself on 98% of what I want to say 99% of the time. Seriously? I'm 28, when will I stop caring what other people think?
Not sure whether it's the big presidential election coming up (even my fellow Republicans have been having a tendency to get on my nerves, but Democrats, geesh, just as bad - can't we all just get along??)
Or summer coming to an end (not going to lie, I'm stoked at the idea of it not being 90 degrees everyday for weeks) which means everyone gets to be in the same boat of working everyday (I really do love all my teacher friends, but if I see one more post about having a "no schedule" day, I'm gonna flip....I don't work 8-5 shifts [or 40 hour weeks, EVER], I NEVER get lunch breaks, I sometimes work weekends, I take work home too!)
Or the recent shooting
Or this baby business
Or this Chick-Fil-A crap (seriously. LET IT GO. I have gay friends and I'm still going to eat there! Get over it!), but I have hidden more posts and defriended more people on facebook in the last couple weeks than I can remember. I'm fairly sure I've scared most of the guys I work with (moreso than usual) into silence forever (seriously, how hard are timesheets to keep track of???)
Work is....meh. My best friend that I've made here was made through Brickman and she left. She still lives in Cbus and I'll still get to see her, but it's not the same. The day she told me she was leaving, I burst into tears. (Clomid wasn't helping.........)
I don't know what it is, but if I could just disappear into a hole for awhile and come out and everyone just be NICE and not so damned UPPITY, that'd be GREAT.
Lord help me.
On a happy note.....training camp started today....which means first preseason game is in 2! weeks, and regular season kickoff is 5 weeks! from Wednesday. I'm really optimistic about the team this year....but....we all know what that optimism has turned to in the past. So we'll say I'm CAUTIOUSLY hopeful, how about that?
Oh, and I can't tear myself away from the Olympics, nor can I stop myself from tearing up everytime one of our girls or boys wins (or loses, in the case of Jordyn Wieber....bless her heart!) Good thing they're only on once every 4 years.
That's all. Buenos noches.
Friday, July 20, 2012
Stunned
I am sucking it UP on this thing lately.
I've not really had much to talk about, or say, and the things that are blogworthy, I just can't put into any kind of black & white that makes any sense - nor is it anything that I think anyone would want to read ((why should I care, this is my place, right?))
But today.....none of those things matter.
The fact that if we don't conceive this month, we're officially in that 10% of couples who can't get pregnant on their own within a year, and doctor's visits become more time consuming and expensive (as if they haven't already). The fact that one of my closest friends I've made here in Cbus was made through work and she's leaving to go to a different company. The fact that I'm glad its finally rained some lately, although our lawn still looks like it should be September. The fact that opening kickoff is in 47 short days! The fact that I am completely disgusted with myself and cannot force myself to stick with any sort of workout routine or any kind of healthy eating, even though every morning I look in the mirror and am ashamed of how I've let myself go.
None of that matters.
None of that matters b/c today, going to just escape from real life for a little bit, 12 people are dead, 50+ are injured, and there is a 24-year old med school dropout in custody.
I first got wind of this via facebook this morning and it was a main topic of discussion at work today. Guys I work with, with small kids who want to see this movie, were visibly shaken. I cried watching coverage after dinner tonight, watching a piece about a 24-year-old girl who just barely escaped with her life last month during a mass shooting in Toronto - she was killed last night. She was going to a broadcaster. She had a blog - I want to look it up.
The one side of me is just so......sickeningly fascinated with stuff like this. Why did he do it? What else did he have planned (this guy had a booby trap set at his door that would've killed the first people to break into his apartment - luckily, law enforcement had a camera that let them see in windows before anyone else got killed. Was anyone else involved? I think had I not gone the accounting route, I would've loved the world of psychology. People, how they tick, mental illness - for one thing, it hits very close to home. But second - it's fascinating stuff.
But the other side is just sick. And sad. And why would I want to bring a baby into this world anyway?
I don't know how I'm sitting here writing in a blog; TV is on in the other room, hubby already in bed b/c tomorrow is his Saturday to work - we're just going about our normal lives - when for over 70 people and their families - their worlds have stopped. Nothing will ever be the same again for them.
So, so sad. Tragic. Useless violence. Going to sleep with a heavy heart tonight, and thanking God extra hard that my loved ones are still with me.
I've not really had much to talk about, or say, and the things that are blogworthy, I just can't put into any kind of black & white that makes any sense - nor is it anything that I think anyone would want to read ((why should I care, this is my place, right?))
But today.....none of those things matter.
The fact that if we don't conceive this month, we're officially in that 10% of couples who can't get pregnant on their own within a year, and doctor's visits become more time consuming and expensive (as if they haven't already). The fact that one of my closest friends I've made here in Cbus was made through work and she's leaving to go to a different company. The fact that I'm glad its finally rained some lately, although our lawn still looks like it should be September. The fact that opening kickoff is in 47 short days! The fact that I am completely disgusted with myself and cannot force myself to stick with any sort of workout routine or any kind of healthy eating, even though every morning I look in the mirror and am ashamed of how I've let myself go.
None of that matters.
None of that matters b/c today, going to just escape from real life for a little bit, 12 people are dead, 50+ are injured, and there is a 24-year old med school dropout in custody.
I first got wind of this via facebook this morning and it was a main topic of discussion at work today. Guys I work with, with small kids who want to see this movie, were visibly shaken. I cried watching coverage after dinner tonight, watching a piece about a 24-year-old girl who just barely escaped with her life last month during a mass shooting in Toronto - she was killed last night. She was going to a broadcaster. She had a blog - I want to look it up.
The one side of me is just so......sickeningly fascinated with stuff like this. Why did he do it? What else did he have planned (this guy had a booby trap set at his door that would've killed the first people to break into his apartment - luckily, law enforcement had a camera that let them see in windows before anyone else got killed. Was anyone else involved? I think had I not gone the accounting route, I would've loved the world of psychology. People, how they tick, mental illness - for one thing, it hits very close to home. But second - it's fascinating stuff.
But the other side is just sick. And sad. And why would I want to bring a baby into this world anyway?
I don't know how I'm sitting here writing in a blog; TV is on in the other room, hubby already in bed b/c tomorrow is his Saturday to work - we're just going about our normal lives - when for over 70 people and their families - their worlds have stopped. Nothing will ever be the same again for them.
So, so sad. Tragic. Useless violence. Going to sleep with a heavy heart tonight, and thanking God extra hard that my loved ones are still with me.
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Okay.
Chin up.
No more tears (although plenty have been shed today; partly for the loss of something we never had [again], and partly for the OHMYGODTHESECRAMPSMIGHTKILLME pain).
Onto month #11 of this journey (my lucky number), and according to the little website where I've been tracking these things, if we were to conceive this go-around, Baby King would be due on St. Patrick's Day. That's gotta be a good sign, right?
Round 2 of Clomid will start Tuesday, this time doubling my dosage to 100mg/ day for 5 days. If I make it through this week alive (between the insomnia and burning-up-hot-flashes side effects), I'll consider it a success.
Here we go....
No more tears (although plenty have been shed today; partly for the loss of something we never had [again], and partly for the OHMYGODTHESECRAMPSMIGHTKILLME pain).
Onto month #11 of this journey (my lucky number), and according to the little website where I've been tracking these things, if we were to conceive this go-around, Baby King would be due on St. Patrick's Day. That's gotta be a good sign, right?
Round 2 of Clomid will start Tuesday, this time doubling my dosage to 100mg/ day for 5 days. If I make it through this week alive (between the insomnia and burning-up-hot-flashes side effects), I'll consider it a success.
Here we go....
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Wednesday Brain Dump
I haven't done a brain dump in awhile. In fact, I think I gave it up after like 2.1 times of writing them....I suck. Oh well.......here goes.
1. Last couple of weeks have been whiny, crabby, cranky, and just generally pissed off at the world. At home, at work, on here....it hasn't been pretty. I apologize. The mix of the busiest spring in my history of springs at Brickman - my 4th one so far (partly due to all of my new responsibilities and partly due to the fact that we started mowing in MARCH), all the traveling I/ we've been doing (even the weekend we "got away" for a night was still one less day to get anything done around the house), and this whole baby business has just about put me in the damn loony bin. This week has been better, though. Catching up at work (kind of....and keep that quiet. Don't need anyone to know that I've actually had a free minute here and there to file AP and billing from......February??) and at home has made me more relaxed. Kind of.
2. Officially started my first round of Clomid on Saturday. I've gotten very saavy at all this fertility-talk which I'm not really that happy about (I'd much rather my body just do what it's supposed to without any real mental input from me, but that's not how this is going to work, apparently)....but my progesterone levels came back last month lower than they'd like, so that's what this med will do (force my body to actually ovulate, unlike what it hasn't been doing for 9 months now). Besides the side effects I've already dealt with (some nausea and oh-my-freaking-gosh-I-need-to-peel-off-my-skin-or-I-will-burn-alive hot flashes), it also raises your chances of twins by 10% or so. Chris was thrilled with that news, especially since twins run in my family anyway. We'll see.......the thought that this month could really be it (trying not to get my hopes up) is terrifying and exciting all at once. Stay tuned.....
3. Well, I say stay tuned, but we will not be telling ANYONE (outside of family and pertinent other people) if/ when that day comes until we are 11571% sure we have a real, live, healthy baby in there. Like....the 8 week appointment or even after that. Some sad news we got last week just confirmed my thought that telling people too early may not be a jinx (God's plan and all that), but it definitely just makes it that much harder and sadder to tell everyone if you lose the baby. Without going into too much detail, it turns out Chris and I WON'T be an aunt/ uncle again....not in November, anyway. It sucks and it's sad and I teared up on the phone with my SIL at work last Wednesday when I talked to her, and I just didn't know what to say (I know....there is nothing you CAN say). Like other people I know, she went in for her first "real" baby appointment....no heartbeat.....yup. So, it sucks that we live so far away and I feel awful for even having kind-of-sad/ jealous feelings when she told us all that she was pregnant.....but....sorry, friends. Any bun of mine will be nice and snuggled in for the long haul by the time anyone knows. So......pray for us, and pray for my SIL, ok? All 3 of you who read this....
4. We have 2 more days of this week to get through, then Chris & I are taking next Friday off, and then the following Monday is Memorial Day, which means a 4-day weekend and I CANNOT WAIT. We'll be going home to TH as always - Mom & Dad always have a big cookout for Anthony's bday/ the holiday and we'll be spending lots of time with family and traveling between houses, but I'm looking forward to some time away from work and just (hopefully) relaxing and taking our minds off everything. Who else can't believe it is MAY FREAKING 16TH ALREADY?!?
I think that's about all I've got for now. Going to cook dinner and eat on the patio.......l-o-ving this weather!
1. Last couple of weeks have been whiny, crabby, cranky, and just generally pissed off at the world. At home, at work, on here....it hasn't been pretty. I apologize. The mix of the busiest spring in my history of springs at Brickman - my 4th one so far (partly due to all of my new responsibilities and partly due to the fact that we started mowing in MARCH), all the traveling I/ we've been doing (even the weekend we "got away" for a night was still one less day to get anything done around the house), and this whole baby business has just about put me in the damn loony bin. This week has been better, though. Catching up at work (kind of....and keep that quiet. Don't need anyone to know that I've actually had a free minute here and there to file AP and billing from......February??) and at home has made me more relaxed. Kind of.
2. Officially started my first round of Clomid on Saturday. I've gotten very saavy at all this fertility-talk which I'm not really that happy about (I'd much rather my body just do what it's supposed to without any real mental input from me, but that's not how this is going to work, apparently)....but my progesterone levels came back last month lower than they'd like, so that's what this med will do (force my body to actually ovulate, unlike what it hasn't been doing for 9 months now). Besides the side effects I've already dealt with (some nausea and oh-my-freaking-gosh-I-need-to-peel-off-my-skin-or-I-will-burn-alive hot flashes), it also raises your chances of twins by 10% or so. Chris was thrilled with that news, especially since twins run in my family anyway. We'll see.......the thought that this month could really be it (trying not to get my hopes up) is terrifying and exciting all at once. Stay tuned.....
3. Well, I say stay tuned, but we will not be telling ANYONE (outside of family and pertinent other people) if/ when that day comes until we are 11571% sure we have a real, live, healthy baby in there. Like....the 8 week appointment or even after that. Some sad news we got last week just confirmed my thought that telling people too early may not be a jinx (God's plan and all that), but it definitely just makes it that much harder and sadder to tell everyone if you lose the baby. Without going into too much detail, it turns out Chris and I WON'T be an aunt/ uncle again....not in November, anyway. It sucks and it's sad and I teared up on the phone with my SIL at work last Wednesday when I talked to her, and I just didn't know what to say (I know....there is nothing you CAN say). Like other people I know, she went in for her first "real" baby appointment....no heartbeat.....yup. So, it sucks that we live so far away and I feel awful for even having kind-of-sad/ jealous feelings when she told us all that she was pregnant.....but....sorry, friends. Any bun of mine will be nice and snuggled in for the long haul by the time anyone knows. So......pray for us, and pray for my SIL, ok? All 3 of you who read this....
4. We have 2 more days of this week to get through, then Chris & I are taking next Friday off, and then the following Monday is Memorial Day, which means a 4-day weekend and I CANNOT WAIT. We'll be going home to TH as always - Mom & Dad always have a big cookout for Anthony's bday/ the holiday and we'll be spending lots of time with family and traveling between houses, but I'm looking forward to some time away from work and just (hopefully) relaxing and taking our minds off everything. Who else can't believe it is MAY FREAKING 16TH ALREADY?!?
I think that's about all I've got for now. Going to cook dinner and eat on the patio.......l-o-ving this weather!
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
I am exhausted. I am overwhelmed. I can't sleep. I am stressed out.
I can't catch nor keep up at work. Everyday flies by with barely time for bathroom breaks, let alone lunches away from my desk. I'm doing the work of 2 (at least) people, not to mention wearing the many hats of other positions at whatever time they're needed in the branch (Controller? Got it. Branch manager? On it. Operations/ Account Manager? Sure, why not).
I can't stay on top of my measly 1100 square foot house. There is always something. Laundry to do. Bathroom to clean. Floors to vacuum. Things to put away. Chris tells me to just relax, but I am becoming more like my mother everyday - I find it almost impossible to relax unless my surroundings are in a somewhat organized state.
I am trying to be healthier, but it's hard to have motivation to do anything after another 10-12 hour workday. I know it would help, but collapsing on the couch is about my only option at 4, 5, 6pm at night.
I am quickly unraveling and I am at a loss of what to do about it. Maybe going off the anti-anxiety/antidepressants last March (in hopes of an impending pregnancy) wasn't the greatest idea. I'm completely off balance.
Help!!! :(
I can't catch nor keep up at work. Everyday flies by with barely time for bathroom breaks, let alone lunches away from my desk. I'm doing the work of 2 (at least) people, not to mention wearing the many hats of other positions at whatever time they're needed in the branch (Controller? Got it. Branch manager? On it. Operations/ Account Manager? Sure, why not).
I can't stay on top of my measly 1100 square foot house. There is always something. Laundry to do. Bathroom to clean. Floors to vacuum. Things to put away. Chris tells me to just relax, but I am becoming more like my mother everyday - I find it almost impossible to relax unless my surroundings are in a somewhat organized state.
I am trying to be healthier, but it's hard to have motivation to do anything after another 10-12 hour workday. I know it would help, but collapsing on the couch is about my only option at 4, 5, 6pm at night.
I am quickly unraveling and I am at a loss of what to do about it. Maybe going off the anti-anxiety/antidepressants last March (in hopes of an impending pregnancy) wasn't the greatest idea. I'm completely off balance.
Help!!! :(
Saturday, May 5, 2012
It's Hard.
It's hard.
It's hard when a member of your family calls you with another piece of cool news about the impending arrival of your niece or nephew (in ~ 6.5 months) ((in this case, her blood type makes it necessary to run certain tests at her first appointment, one of which can tell the sex of the baby with 100% certainty at 12 weeks)).
It's hard getting on facebook and yet another friend, sorority sister, family acquaintance, has announced their happy news.
It's hard walking through a store and past the baby section knowing you have no place there yet.
It's hard walking ANYWHERE and watching someone that is 10 years your junior push her child(ren) through the mall, store, parking lot.............no ring on her finger, none of the kids dressed appropriately for the current weather, tattoos & piercings EVERYWHERE, smoking, as she yells at one of the kids to SHUT THE HELL UP. (Seriously, how are people like that allowed to reproduce?)
It's hard knowing that for once in your life you can't gloat that you were right. Everyone whose been telling us for 9 months now to "just relax and that it'll happen in its own time" is full of crap and I can't even be happy that everyone has been WRONG. Results came back from my bloodwork last Monday and as I KNEW, a level is off (progesterone). So..........what does that mean? Next cycle: Clomid. Keeping fingers crossed. And hoping that someday very soon, that 2% of me that is selfish and self-pitying and just generally not nice will no longer have a place in my head & heart.
It's hard when a member of your family calls you with another piece of cool news about the impending arrival of your niece or nephew (in ~ 6.5 months) ((in this case, her blood type makes it necessary to run certain tests at her first appointment, one of which can tell the sex of the baby with 100% certainty at 12 weeks)).
It's hard getting on facebook and yet another friend, sorority sister, family acquaintance, has announced their happy news.
It's hard walking through a store and past the baby section knowing you have no place there yet.
It's hard walking ANYWHERE and watching someone that is 10 years your junior push her child(ren) through the mall, store, parking lot.............no ring on her finger, none of the kids dressed appropriately for the current weather, tattoos & piercings EVERYWHERE, smoking, as she yells at one of the kids to SHUT THE HELL UP. (Seriously, how are people like that allowed to reproduce?)
It's hard knowing that for once in your life you can't gloat that you were right. Everyone whose been telling us for 9 months now to "just relax and that it'll happen in its own time" is full of crap and I can't even be happy that everyone has been WRONG. Results came back from my bloodwork last Monday and as I KNEW, a level is off (progesterone). So..........what does that mean? Next cycle: Clomid. Keeping fingers crossed. And hoping that someday very soon, that 2% of me that is selfish and self-pitying and just generally not nice will no longer have a place in my head & heart.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Sigh.
So much for my weekly updates. I suck.
Work has been SO. INSANELY. BUSY. lately. They never have replaced my "co" BA, which is fine by me b/c I'm not good at delegating work anyway (not to mention my tasks are kind of hard to split up since they all kind of connect to each other), but that leaves most the admin work for my branch to.....me. My branch manager, while super nice, cool and we get along GREAT, not to mention we work really well together, is still fairly new to the company (will be 2 years for him in August) and hadn't even gotten his arms around our not-so-small maintenance branch before they threw in the construction/ residential piece in on top of us back in January. So - it's spring. Things are nuts. Stuff is growing, fast. I had almost 90 guys on my payroll this week, did almost $100K in billing and my payables stack today just made me want to run away. But - I'll make it. It's nice to know, in a way, that so many people can count on me..........even if it makes me want to hide under my desk.
In other news, to acknowledge the big ugly elephant in the room, there is no baby yet. Still. Without getting into a big emotional fit over (b/c God knows there have been a few since this process began), or getting overly detailed about it (anyone care to know that out of my last 12 cycles, not one was the same length as any other in the 12-month span? Didn't think so), we are hopefully soon going to start getting some answers and what our next steps are. Til now, all I had was a GP here in Columbus, and so with some input from lady friends here, and a referral from my doc, I have an appointment at an OBGYN Monday - which is great, because I thought they would make me wait forever and ever, or at least another 3 months, when our "year of trying with no birth control" is up. I finally waved the white flag after this past go-around, when I calculated myself to start on day 37 (semi-normal length for me, if a little long).....and still no start by day 42, but 3 negative tests in a row............yeah, a minor (my Mom may say otherwise) meltdown ensued. I'm just so, so tired of it all.
If one more person tells me to "Just relax, it'll happen," or "trust in God's plan" one more time, they're getting it. I KNOW THESE THINGS. In my head, I am positive that as soon as I can quit thinking about the baby that should've been here anytime now (since we started in August), it will happen. But how? How do you stop thinking about it? Work keeps me busy enough, I'm getting to the gym and outside to run and work in my yard more, but everytime I turn around, someone else is pregnant. Facebook is the death trap of babies (seriously.....a dozen friends in the last month, at least), and so is my own family. (Yup - Chris & I are going to be an aunt and uncle again in November....my sister in law Jenn & her husband Kevin are due right after Thanksgiving - they ltierally told everyone the day they found out. Couldn't wait a single second!) So - while I'm excited for friends (hi, Ashley :)) and family who are expecting little ones, I am just trying to keep my head above water and out of that scary place that says, "You'll never get to be a mom."
In happier news...............it's spring, it's gorgeous out, and tomorrow is Friday. Finally. I promise to be back sooner than 4 weeks from now!
Work has been SO. INSANELY. BUSY. lately. They never have replaced my "co" BA, which is fine by me b/c I'm not good at delegating work anyway (not to mention my tasks are kind of hard to split up since they all kind of connect to each other), but that leaves most the admin work for my branch to.....me. My branch manager, while super nice, cool and we get along GREAT, not to mention we work really well together, is still fairly new to the company (will be 2 years for him in August) and hadn't even gotten his arms around our not-so-small maintenance branch before they threw in the construction/ residential piece in on top of us back in January. So - it's spring. Things are nuts. Stuff is growing, fast. I had almost 90 guys on my payroll this week, did almost $100K in billing and my payables stack today just made me want to run away. But - I'll make it. It's nice to know, in a way, that so many people can count on me..........even if it makes me want to hide under my desk.
In other news, to acknowledge the big ugly elephant in the room, there is no baby yet. Still. Without getting into a big emotional fit over (b/c God knows there have been a few since this process began), or getting overly detailed about it (anyone care to know that out of my last 12 cycles, not one was the same length as any other in the 12-month span? Didn't think so), we are hopefully soon going to start getting some answers and what our next steps are. Til now, all I had was a GP here in Columbus, and so with some input from lady friends here, and a referral from my doc, I have an appointment at an OBGYN Monday - which is great, because I thought they would make me wait forever and ever, or at least another 3 months, when our "year of trying with no birth control" is up. I finally waved the white flag after this past go-around, when I calculated myself to start on day 37 (semi-normal length for me, if a little long).....and still no start by day 42, but 3 negative tests in a row............yeah, a minor (my Mom may say otherwise) meltdown ensued. I'm just so, so tired of it all.
If one more person tells me to "Just relax, it'll happen," or "trust in God's plan" one more time, they're getting it. I KNOW THESE THINGS. In my head, I am positive that as soon as I can quit thinking about the baby that should've been here anytime now (since we started in August), it will happen. But how? How do you stop thinking about it? Work keeps me busy enough, I'm getting to the gym and outside to run and work in my yard more, but everytime I turn around, someone else is pregnant. Facebook is the death trap of babies (seriously.....a dozen friends in the last month, at least), and so is my own family. (Yup - Chris & I are going to be an aunt and uncle again in November....my sister in law Jenn & her husband Kevin are due right after Thanksgiving - they ltierally told everyone the day they found out. Couldn't wait a single second!) So - while I'm excited for friends (hi, Ashley :)) and family who are expecting little ones, I am just trying to keep my head above water and out of that scary place that says, "You'll never get to be a mom."
In happier news...............it's spring, it's gorgeous out, and tomorrow is Friday. Finally. I promise to be back sooner than 4 weeks from now!
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Friday Brain Dump, 2 days late
I actually haven't done one of these in 2 weeks...........just goes to show you how exciting my life is!
Actually, last weekend I didn't really write anything b/c I had dropped Chris off at the airport Friday morning knowing he wouldn't be back til Wednesday....didn't really want to advertise that I was going to be home alone for 5 days, even on this seldom-read-by-anyone blog.
Also last weekend, I was sick. AGAIN. It started kind of on Friday with the sorta-itchy ears, sorta-itchy throat, nothing too serious and didn't think much about it. Saturday it wasn't too bad either, got a little bit of work done around the house but not really that much since I slept so badly Friday night (sleeping in the house by myself made me a little more nervous than I cared to admit), and by Sunday I was resigned to the couch for the entire day. Saturday night and Sunday night both I slept like crap but dragged myself to work Monday since we'd had 2 snow events the week before and I knew I would have snow timesheets and billing ALL over my desk. I somehow made it through the day, only to have an AWFUL night Monday night (woke up at 10:15, then again at 2am; at that point I was pretty sure both eardrums were about to burst they hurt so bad........was up til 4 laying on a heating pad......) and go in late Tuesday. By Wednesday I felt slightly more human but by Thursday the sore throat and everything else was still sticking around, so I gave in and went to the doctor. Sinus infection. Lovely. This has been the worst winter EVER for a lot of people I know for sicknesses (20 degrees and snowing to the next day being 50 and sunny, then the next day 40 and rain....)! Insane! I'm on day 4 of antibiotics and am still really tired and wrung out but feel a lot better than I did.
Yesterday was pretty exciting - we FINALLY decided on some new front room furniture!!! It really stinks b/c it'll take about a month to come in (stupid Chinese New Year), but it will totally be worth the wait. I can't wait to get it all here and get rid of all our old mismatching stuff. Slowly but surely all this stuff in our house is OURS and not just hand-me-downs from friends, etc! We were able to get a great deal - we got the couch, loveseat, rocking recliner AND a coffee table/ 2 end tables for the price we originally were just going to buy a sectional with, so it worked out.
Also, last night, we went to the Melting Pot for a belated V-Day dinner. I LOVEEEEEE that place....since it's so pricey we definitely don't go there often (we counted and last night was #4 in the 9+ years we've been together), but as always it was so good and just nice to have a quiet, intimate dinner - also, dressing up is always fun for dinners like that!
Other than that..........not much happening. I'm going home to Terre Haute this weekend to spend Friday night and Saturday with my parents and Anthony, then Sunday, my mom and I are going down to E-ville to meet up with my sister for her birthday and go to the Lady Antebellum concert that night. We're then staying Sunday night down there and I'm taking Monday off, so it'll be a nice little weekend away from work. I love girls' weekends!
What else what else.............not a thing. Happy Sunday!
Actually, last weekend I didn't really write anything b/c I had dropped Chris off at the airport Friday morning knowing he wouldn't be back til Wednesday....didn't really want to advertise that I was going to be home alone for 5 days, even on this seldom-read-by-anyone blog.
Also last weekend, I was sick. AGAIN. It started kind of on Friday with the sorta-itchy ears, sorta-itchy throat, nothing too serious and didn't think much about it. Saturday it wasn't too bad either, got a little bit of work done around the house but not really that much since I slept so badly Friday night (sleeping in the house by myself made me a little more nervous than I cared to admit), and by Sunday I was resigned to the couch for the entire day. Saturday night and Sunday night both I slept like crap but dragged myself to work Monday since we'd had 2 snow events the week before and I knew I would have snow timesheets and billing ALL over my desk. I somehow made it through the day, only to have an AWFUL night Monday night (woke up at 10:15, then again at 2am; at that point I was pretty sure both eardrums were about to burst they hurt so bad........was up til 4 laying on a heating pad......) and go in late Tuesday. By Wednesday I felt slightly more human but by Thursday the sore throat and everything else was still sticking around, so I gave in and went to the doctor. Sinus infection. Lovely. This has been the worst winter EVER for a lot of people I know for sicknesses (20 degrees and snowing to the next day being 50 and sunny, then the next day 40 and rain....)! Insane! I'm on day 4 of antibiotics and am still really tired and wrung out but feel a lot better than I did.
Yesterday was pretty exciting - we FINALLY decided on some new front room furniture!!! It really stinks b/c it'll take about a month to come in (stupid Chinese New Year), but it will totally be worth the wait. I can't wait to get it all here and get rid of all our old mismatching stuff. Slowly but surely all this stuff in our house is OURS and not just hand-me-downs from friends, etc! We were able to get a great deal - we got the couch, loveseat, rocking recliner AND a coffee table/ 2 end tables for the price we originally were just going to buy a sectional with, so it worked out.
Also, last night, we went to the Melting Pot for a belated V-Day dinner. I LOVEEEEEE that place....since it's so pricey we definitely don't go there often (we counted and last night was #4 in the 9+ years we've been together), but as always it was so good and just nice to have a quiet, intimate dinner - also, dressing up is always fun for dinners like that!
Other than that..........not much happening. I'm going home to Terre Haute this weekend to spend Friday night and Saturday with my parents and Anthony, then Sunday, my mom and I are going down to E-ville to meet up with my sister for her birthday and go to the Lady Antebellum concert that night. We're then staying Sunday night down there and I'm taking Monday off, so it'll be a nice little weekend away from work. I love girls' weekends!
What else what else.............not a thing. Happy Sunday!
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Some People Change
Something has changed, and recently. I can't really put my finger on it....there has been no "ah-ha!" moment in the last week or so, there hasn't been an incident that made me change my thinking......I don't know what it is. But....I'm just....happier. I don't know. I've not really been....down? lately, just the "same shit, different day" attitude. The same 'ole routine, day in and day out.
But now....something is different. I feel happier. I feel lighter. I feel....I don't know.
I guess the biggest thing is I'm just done with negativity. Done. Life is too short. Done with negative people, done with negative attitudes. I don't need that in my life. No one does.
Instead of being tired and grumpy in the morning, I'm taking on the attitude that at least I have a job, and I'm good at that job. Instead of being aggravated and impatient in line just now at the store b/c this little old man was taking FOREVER (and the fact he couldn't hear wasn't helping), I thought to myself....'that is someone's Dad. How will you want people to react when this is potentially YOUR dad in 30 or 40 years?'. Instead of scowling back at the McDonald's drive through girl this morning, I wished her a nice day and drove off. Not meanly, not kill-her-with-kindness mentality, just, "have a good day!"
It's hard for me to think like that. Those of you who know me know I'm Ms. Guilty-til-they're-proven-innocent. I think people as a general population are slow, lazy & generally useless. But you know what? I can't control everyone. I can't make everyone like me. This new attitude may not be so easy sometime down the road, and that's okay. But I'm trying. I'm making the effort.
No more negativity. No more feeding OFF of negativity, which is my biggest struggle. Have something mean to say about someone else? Go talk to someone else. Want to complain to me about your day? What are you doing to change it? Want to whine about how unfair a, b, c is? Well, life isn't always fair.
This is the new me, and it feels good.
But now....something is different. I feel happier. I feel lighter. I feel....I don't know.
I guess the biggest thing is I'm just done with negativity. Done. Life is too short. Done with negative people, done with negative attitudes. I don't need that in my life. No one does.
Instead of being tired and grumpy in the morning, I'm taking on the attitude that at least I have a job, and I'm good at that job. Instead of being aggravated and impatient in line just now at the store b/c this little old man was taking FOREVER (and the fact he couldn't hear wasn't helping), I thought to myself....'that is someone's Dad. How will you want people to react when this is potentially YOUR dad in 30 or 40 years?'. Instead of scowling back at the McDonald's drive through girl this morning, I wished her a nice day and drove off. Not meanly, not kill-her-with-kindness mentality, just, "have a good day!"
It's hard for me to think like that. Those of you who know me know I'm Ms. Guilty-til-they're-proven-innocent. I think people as a general population are slow, lazy & generally useless. But you know what? I can't control everyone. I can't make everyone like me. This new attitude may not be so easy sometime down the road, and that's okay. But I'm trying. I'm making the effort.
No more negativity. No more feeding OFF of negativity, which is my biggest struggle. Have something mean to say about someone else? Go talk to someone else. Want to complain to me about your day? What are you doing to change it? Want to whine about how unfair a, b, c is? Well, life isn't always fair.
This is the new me, and it feels good.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Valentine's Day
Another VDay....come and gone.
This has been the first one, since the very first one back in 2003, that I've spent so far away from Chris (that first VDay, back in our freshman year, he at UMR and me at Ball State............this year, me here in Cbus and him in Vegas for work).
Can I just get something off my chest?
People are so.....uppity. on facebook. Uppity, and put-me-on-a-pedastal-like, and I-have-a-better-life-than-you, on facebook. Today's facebook wall is a showcase of pictures. Pictures of flowers, of all kinds. Pictures of sweet cards, or dinners made, or candy. "I have the BEST Valentine!" "I love my Valentine SO MUCH!" "He/she is the BEST!" or you have the judgemental set, "I HATE Valentine's Day, I don't need a day for love, b/c I show it all year round!" Geez.
Can we all just agree to agree that in whatever stage of Valentine's Day we're in.........whether you're like my 16-year-old brother with his first real "girlfriend," or like Chris and I, on our 4th married V-Day, or like my parents, on their............30-something-ith VDay.........that we are all just so insanely lucky? Whether you got a card today, or flowers sent to work, or dinner made for you, or you just got to wake up with that safe & secure feeling that you are loved....isn't that enough? Isn't it enough that each of us, for however long of a moment in time, have found that other person to share our life with?
Facebook frustrates me, and more and more often it takes me some real time to reflect and think about my own life & circumstances before I come to any real conclusions about anything on there anymore.
Not today. Today, after this time 2-ish years ago when I almost lost every good thing I'd ever had.......today, I'm thankful.
This has been the first one, since the very first one back in 2003, that I've spent so far away from Chris (that first VDay, back in our freshman year, he at UMR and me at Ball State............this year, me here in Cbus and him in Vegas for work).
Can I just get something off my chest?
People are so.....uppity. on facebook. Uppity, and put-me-on-a-pedastal-like, and I-have-a-better-life-than-you, on facebook. Today's facebook wall is a showcase of pictures. Pictures of flowers, of all kinds. Pictures of sweet cards, or dinners made, or candy. "I have the BEST Valentine!" "I love my Valentine SO MUCH!" "He/she is the BEST!" or you have the judgemental set, "I HATE Valentine's Day, I don't need a day for love, b/c I show it all year round!" Geez.
Can we all just agree to agree that in whatever stage of Valentine's Day we're in.........whether you're like my 16-year-old brother with his first real "girlfriend," or like Chris and I, on our 4th married V-Day, or like my parents, on their............30-something-ith VDay.........that we are all just so insanely lucky? Whether you got a card today, or flowers sent to work, or dinner made for you, or you just got to wake up with that safe & secure feeling that you are loved....isn't that enough? Isn't it enough that each of us, for however long of a moment in time, have found that other person to share our life with?
Facebook frustrates me, and more and more often it takes me some real time to reflect and think about my own life & circumstances before I come to any real conclusions about anything on there anymore.
Not today. Today, after this time 2-ish years ago when I almost lost every good thing I'd ever had.......today, I'm thankful.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Friday Brain Dump, Vol 2.1
I forgot to mention a couple things last night!
6. I tried that new gym last Saturday. Loved it. A little bit of a hike from my house (about 8 miles but with traffic takes a good 20ish minutes.....if I go from work it's a shorter drive), but totally worth it for all the machines (probably 30 universal machines, 15 treadmills, 5 or 6 stairmasters and then probably another 10 ellipticals) PLUS all the classes are included (pilates, yoga [I did this class on Monday for an hour and had before forgotten how difficult yoga is for such a slow moving activity - I quickly remembered!], iron yoga, SPINNING!, zumba, hip hop), PLUS a sauna..........all for $20/ month. Yup. $20.
7. The weather this week in Columbus has been ridiculously nice. This time last year we were in the middle of a 3-event week (2/2-2/4, 2/4-2/7, 2/7-2/9), taking us up through event 17, and to date we've only had TEN. Amazing, and I LOVE IT. It has been so nice, in fact, that Wednesday evening, I got home from work, changed into SHORTS & a TSHIRT and ran outside. On February 1. Amazing.
8. Thursday, I was finally able to put back on my "regular sized" pants and not feel like I was being suffocated. For a couple of months now I've been in that uncomfortable weight range of being too big for my "normal" (still too big for my liking) pants and having to move up to the NEXT size, which, although a little big, were my only option since my normal pants weren't fitting. No more. Now moving back in the right direction. I think having the plague last week helped (ha), but for the most part, the change is coming back from my eating habits. Not eating out breakfast & lunch, or eating a good breakfast but skipping lunch which caused me to eat the entire house upon coming home.........it's all about balance people.
9. Got the "save the date" for Chris and mine's TENTH HS REUNION on Tuesday. It's July 28. Chris insists we're not going; we'll see. If we don't go, does that make time start going SLOWER!?!?!?!?
6. I tried that new gym last Saturday. Loved it. A little bit of a hike from my house (about 8 miles but with traffic takes a good 20ish minutes.....if I go from work it's a shorter drive), but totally worth it for all the machines (probably 30 universal machines, 15 treadmills, 5 or 6 stairmasters and then probably another 10 ellipticals) PLUS all the classes are included (pilates, yoga [I did this class on Monday for an hour and had before forgotten how difficult yoga is for such a slow moving activity - I quickly remembered!], iron yoga, SPINNING!, zumba, hip hop), PLUS a sauna..........all for $20/ month. Yup. $20.
7. The weather this week in Columbus has been ridiculously nice. This time last year we were in the middle of a 3-event week (2/2-2/4, 2/4-2/7, 2/7-2/9), taking us up through event 17, and to date we've only had TEN. Amazing, and I LOVE IT. It has been so nice, in fact, that Wednesday evening, I got home from work, changed into SHORTS & a TSHIRT and ran outside. On February 1. Amazing.
8. Thursday, I was finally able to put back on my "regular sized" pants and not feel like I was being suffocated. For a couple of months now I've been in that uncomfortable weight range of being too big for my "normal" (still too big for my liking) pants and having to move up to the NEXT size, which, although a little big, were my only option since my normal pants weren't fitting. No more. Now moving back in the right direction. I think having the plague last week helped (ha), but for the most part, the change is coming back from my eating habits. Not eating out breakfast & lunch, or eating a good breakfast but skipping lunch which caused me to eat the entire house upon coming home.........it's all about balance people.
9. Got the "save the date" for Chris and mine's TENTH HS REUNION on Tuesday. It's July 28. Chris insists we're not going; we'll see. If we don't go, does that make time start going SLOWER!?!?!?!?
Friday, February 3, 2012
Friday Brain Dump, Vol 2.0
I kind of like this brain dump idea....a short, quick, to-the-point rundown of the week.
Today I don't have much.
1. We just had an actual "night out." (Is it still a "night out" when you're home by 9:45pm? Oh how Friday nights have changed, and it's still just the 2 of us!) We went to a newfound (well, not newfound, but haven't had in a LONG time) restaurant, Smokey Bones (delish, you should try soon if you haven't!) and then to the Columbus Funny Bone, a comedy club here. The restaurant and club are within about a mile of each other at a nearby outdoor-mall called Easton, and we now live about 3 minutes FROM Easton, so it was a quick night but fun nonetheless. We saw the "Ragin' Cajun," John Morgan (we saw him before back in 2009 and LOVED him). He was good tonight too....just maybe a little....drunker than last time. Still hilarious. Don't ever see him if you're a politically correct person.
2. Another end of month week in the books.........our first big snow month of the snow season but still turned out okay. Nothing too exciting to report, we billed about $800,000 in snow in January - which is NOTHING. Everyone is praying for snow sometime soon..........some of these fixed expenses are piling up!
3. I tried a Pinterest recipe last weekend........Snickerdoodle bars..........except they turned into Snickerdoodle CAKE since I left out an ingredient (sour cream, go figure). Still pretty good, I want to make again!
4. Super Bowl this weekend. Tired of all the Indy fans suddenly backing "Peyton's baby brother!" "Indy for Eli!" "BELIeve!" Lame. Gag me. Lame, lame, lame. What's it going to be? Peyton's baby brother gets 2, or his arch nemesis gets to FOUR? Whatever. Both scenarios are funny.
5. That is all. I've got nothing else. Happy Friday!
Today I don't have much.
1. We just had an actual "night out." (Is it still a "night out" when you're home by 9:45pm? Oh how Friday nights have changed, and it's still just the 2 of us!) We went to a newfound (well, not newfound, but haven't had in a LONG time) restaurant, Smokey Bones (delish, you should try soon if you haven't!) and then to the Columbus Funny Bone, a comedy club here. The restaurant and club are within about a mile of each other at a nearby outdoor-mall called Easton, and we now live about 3 minutes FROM Easton, so it was a quick night but fun nonetheless. We saw the "Ragin' Cajun," John Morgan (we saw him before back in 2009 and LOVED him). He was good tonight too....just maybe a little....drunker than last time. Still hilarious. Don't ever see him if you're a politically correct person.
2. Another end of month week in the books.........our first big snow month of the snow season but still turned out okay. Nothing too exciting to report, we billed about $800,000 in snow in January - which is NOTHING. Everyone is praying for snow sometime soon..........some of these fixed expenses are piling up!
3. I tried a Pinterest recipe last weekend........Snickerdoodle bars..........except they turned into Snickerdoodle CAKE since I left out an ingredient (sour cream, go figure). Still pretty good, I want to make again!
4. Super Bowl this weekend. Tired of all the Indy fans suddenly backing "Peyton's baby brother!" "Indy for Eli!" "BELIeve!" Lame. Gag me. Lame, lame, lame. What's it going to be? Peyton's baby brother gets 2, or his arch nemesis gets to FOUR? Whatever. Both scenarios are funny.
5. That is all. I've got nothing else. Happy Friday!
Friday, January 27, 2012
[Thank God It's] Friday Brain Dump.
So, through my blogging friends I've come across many NEW blogs to follow, and one of those happens to be "Heir to Blair," who I found through my AOII sister/ former roommate Ashley. Heir to Blair gave me this idea, of a Friday Brain Dump. What a great idea, especially after the week I've had....
1. 4,000 hours of payroll, over half a million $ in snow billing & close to $200,000 in bills paid for the branch for the week. This. Girl. Has. Never. Been so happy to go home.
1a. This girl had also never come so close to having her own episode on Lifetime's "Snapped." Seriously. ONE MORE person asked a stupid question, I got interrupted ONE MORE TIME, I got snipped at ONE MORE TIME - they were getting it. Throat slit off. Heads were literally going to fall off necks. Okay, maybe not that severe....
2. Super Bowl is in my home state next week. My 'Boys won't be there but I (of course) honestly can celebrate that the "home" team won't be there either. In fact, I'm obnoxiously rooting on the Patriots (I really REALLY don't want the Giants, who are in Dallas' division, to win another. Lucky asscheeks).
3. Speaking of football, Peyton Manning won't be a Colt next year, and I can almost guarantee he'll go somewhere in the AFC. I'm also getting this strange feeling that Dez Bryant won't be a Cowboy next year either which makes me sad b/c a) he's the 3rd #88 the team has had and has all the potential to live up to that number and b) I JUST got his jersey for my birthday.
4. Filed our taxes last night (earliest ever!) and we're getting back a really good amount of money for not having kids and/ or not making any money and/ or living completely off the government. I'm PRETTY stoked about it. This money means a couple things:
4a. Finally, NEW front room furniture! No more sofas, chairs & coffee tables that are older than I am (no offense, Ashley, I'm sure they were lovely in your parents' house when they brought you home and Lord knows we got our use out of them at both Bethel houses!)!
4b. HOPEFULLY a down payment on a new (to me) car. The old 'Bu has over 155,000 miles on it and Chris' truck has over 230,000. It's time
4c. Tucking some money away for a much needed vacation, just-us-two-since-we-haven't-been-away-together-on-our-own-since-our-honeymoon-3.5-years-ago. I think we're thinking Myrtle Beach the week/end of our anniversary (8/30). Labor Day (9/3) will make it all work out nicely.
5. I am OBSESSED with The Band Perry right now. I've listened to their CD-via-my-iPod every morning on repeat this week and I LOVE IT. Not really a bad song on the whole album.
6. I'm checking out a new gym tomorrow. I hope I like it b/c God knows I've got to get back into it. I feel fat and disgusting. I miss the YMCA in Muncie and living with friends that would drag me to the gym even when I didn't want to go. Even if we ate KFC afterwards. :)
7. Every single one of my favorite shows (that we DVR b/c we literally watch nothing live anymore) was a repeat this week. LAME. 2 Broke Girls, 2.5 Men, Mike & Molly, Last Man Standing, New Girl, Grey's Anatomy. Actually, I lied. Pan Am was new. Great show. But still. They ALL just had 125 weeks off for Christmas.
8. I had zero time for lunch today and the Pizza Hut I ordered (b/c God knows I am NOT cooking tonight) just got here. It's time to EAT.
1. 4,000 hours of payroll, over half a million $ in snow billing & close to $200,000 in bills paid for the branch for the week. This. Girl. Has. Never. Been so happy to go home.
1a. This girl had also never come so close to having her own episode on Lifetime's "Snapped." Seriously. ONE MORE person asked a stupid question, I got interrupted ONE MORE TIME, I got snipped at ONE MORE TIME - they were getting it. Throat slit off. Heads were literally going to fall off necks. Okay, maybe not that severe....
2. Super Bowl is in my home state next week. My 'Boys won't be there but I (of course) honestly can celebrate that the "home" team won't be there either. In fact, I'm obnoxiously rooting on the Patriots (I really REALLY don't want the Giants, who are in Dallas' division, to win another. Lucky asscheeks).
3. Speaking of football, Peyton Manning won't be a Colt next year, and I can almost guarantee he'll go somewhere in the AFC. I'm also getting this strange feeling that Dez Bryant won't be a Cowboy next year either which makes me sad b/c a) he's the 3rd #88 the team has had and has all the potential to live up to that number and b) I JUST got his jersey for my birthday.
4. Filed our taxes last night (earliest ever!) and we're getting back a really good amount of money for not having kids and/ or not making any money and/ or living completely off the government. I'm PRETTY stoked about it. This money means a couple things:
4a. Finally, NEW front room furniture! No more sofas, chairs & coffee tables that are older than I am (no offense, Ashley, I'm sure they were lovely in your parents' house when they brought you home and Lord knows we got our use out of them at both Bethel houses!)!
4b. HOPEFULLY a down payment on a new (to me) car. The old 'Bu has over 155,000 miles on it and Chris' truck has over 230,000. It's time
4c. Tucking some money away for a much needed vacation, just-us-two-since-we-haven't-been-away-together-on-our-own-since-our-honeymoon-3.5-years-ago. I think we're thinking Myrtle Beach the week/end of our anniversary (8/30). Labor Day (9/3) will make it all work out nicely.
5. I am OBSESSED with The Band Perry right now. I've listened to their CD-via-my-iPod every morning on repeat this week and I LOVE IT. Not really a bad song on the whole album.
6. I'm checking out a new gym tomorrow. I hope I like it b/c God knows I've got to get back into it. I feel fat and disgusting. I miss the YMCA in Muncie and living with friends that would drag me to the gym even when I didn't want to go. Even if we ate KFC afterwards. :)
7. Every single one of my favorite shows (that we DVR b/c we literally watch nothing live anymore) was a repeat this week. LAME. 2 Broke Girls, 2.5 Men, Mike & Molly, Last Man Standing, New Girl, Grey's Anatomy. Actually, I lied. Pan Am was new. Great show. But still. They ALL just had 125 weeks off for Christmas.
8. I had zero time for lunch today and the Pizza Hut I ordered (b/c God knows I am NOT cooking tonight) just got here. It's time to EAT.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Sleep
I apologize in advance for this probably way-too personal/ too-many-details post.
This is ridiculous.
I slept for a grand total of maybe 4 hours Saturday night. Exhausted all day Sunday. Go to bed at a decent hour (9) last night and what am I doing?
Sitting up, awake, online, at 1:30, because what is becoming way too normal - I. CAN'T. F'ING. SLEEP.
Tonight I at least have an excuse. Not sure what is wrong but right after dinner, my stomach was really upset and is just now calming down. NOT TO MENTION that for the 5th month in a row, Mother Nature shows up today, in all her cramping, backache, general feel-like-crap glory. The last 4 months I've been calm and hopeful about it. Today I start while in the middle of grocery shopping at Meijer and make it through checking out before I have a meltdown in the car. Poor Chris. I'm so frustrated and I really thought that we did everything "right" this month. I quickly "got over it" (ie, didn't spend the day curled in a ball weeping in the dark), but I really am bummed. Why is this, something that seems to happen so easily for other people, so hard for US? I know you have to wait a year before seeing a doctor about it, but those ugly thoughts are starting to creep in my mind.......what if something is wrong? What if we can never have a baby?
Okay, okay, no. None of that.
But every night for the last MONTH I've had trouble getting to sleep. It's affecting everything. My stress levels at work are high enough without enough sleep, I really think that I may end up scaring everyone into never talking to me again at this rate. I eat like crap when I'm tired, I don't ever feel like exercising in any way shape or form when I'm tired.......
I'm tired of being TIRED. I'm tired of having to drug myself into an oblivion just to get to sleep anymore. The last couple of weeks I've tried really hard to not take anything; today I even bought a bottle of melatonin which is supposed to work wonders. Ha.
Sorry for whining. These nights are killing me. :(
This is ridiculous.
I slept for a grand total of maybe 4 hours Saturday night. Exhausted all day Sunday. Go to bed at a decent hour (9) last night and what am I doing?
Sitting up, awake, online, at 1:30, because what is becoming way too normal - I. CAN'T. F'ING. SLEEP.
Tonight I at least have an excuse. Not sure what is wrong but right after dinner, my stomach was really upset and is just now calming down. NOT TO MENTION that for the 5th month in a row, Mother Nature shows up today, in all her cramping, backache, general feel-like-crap glory. The last 4 months I've been calm and hopeful about it. Today I start while in the middle of grocery shopping at Meijer and make it through checking out before I have a meltdown in the car. Poor Chris. I'm so frustrated and I really thought that we did everything "right" this month. I quickly "got over it" (ie, didn't spend the day curled in a ball weeping in the dark), but I really am bummed. Why is this, something that seems to happen so easily for other people, so hard for US? I know you have to wait a year before seeing a doctor about it, but those ugly thoughts are starting to creep in my mind.......what if something is wrong? What if we can never have a baby?
Okay, okay, no. None of that.
But every night for the last MONTH I've had trouble getting to sleep. It's affecting everything. My stress levels at work are high enough without enough sleep, I really think that I may end up scaring everyone into never talking to me again at this rate. I eat like crap when I'm tired, I don't ever feel like exercising in any way shape or form when I'm tired.......
I'm tired of being TIRED. I'm tired of having to drug myself into an oblivion just to get to sleep anymore. The last couple of weeks I've tried really hard to not take anything; today I even bought a bottle of melatonin which is supposed to work wonders. Ha.
Sorry for whining. These nights are killing me. :(
Sunday, January 1, 2012
2012!
Another year in the books. Unbelievable.
We rang in 2012 last night with pajamas, wings from a local joint, a couple Redbox movies, homemade pina coladas and near the end of the night, a good dose of Nyquil. I've been fighting what I thought at first was strep, then a sinus infection, to what I now know is just a full on nasty cold. It was bad enough that I worked one measly day last week....fortunately we were already off on Monday 12/26, and we were off Friday 12/30, but I was only able to work Tuesday. Wednesday and Thursday - there was no way. I think the worst is over but thankfully I have one more day to recover and get some things done around the house. This is where the best part of no Christmas decorations being put up comes into play - nothing to take down and clean up!
I checked out my "Happy 2011" post from last year, and just like my feelings this year, I made no "resolutions" last year, either....."Besides getting into a concrete schedule for the mini, the only other real goal I've made for myself is to cut out the gossip."
Well, I accomplished my one big goal for the year, which was to train for and complete my first mini-marathon in May. What a great feeling that was! Crossing that finish line, I felt like I could do anything. Well, anything that I could do from a horizontal position, with my legs elevated, for approximately 3 days. :) It was a fantastic feeling.
The gossip part is a little harder to pinpoint. I finally was able to transfer offices in the spring at work which helped. Us being cocooned over here in Columbus helped. I still think it's a worthwhile goal to work on, but this year I'm going to broaden it. Cut out the BS. At the age of 28 (holy crap, I'll be 30 *next* year!!!!), I still allow way too many little things to get to me. At work, at home, in my marriage, within my family, within our circles of friends. Enough. Cutting out the BS. That's my "goal" in 2012.
2011 is over. We celebrated our 3rd anniversary, and finally, I think, we are over the hump of the mistakes I made which left our marrage a minefield of hurt, distrust & anger. We started trying in earnest for a baby, and while no luck yet, I'm trying to relax about it and let God do His thing (me = control freak = hardest thing ever to give up control).
We watched the Packers win a Super Bowl in our beloved Cowboys' Stadium in February, but that was better than the Steelers winning. We anxiously awaited the end of the NFL lockout to then watch our Cowboys week in and week out, one heart attack after another, without fail (tonight may be the biggest heart attack yet; we'll see). We (okay, I) streamed the Royal Wedding back in April and let myself get completely wrapped up in the news and glitz and magic of the prince and his "commoner." I almost wrecked my car on an early May morning, listening to Mike & Mike, when they shared the commentary from a baseball game the night before when it was announced the US that "we got him." [Osama Bin Laden]. We watched the Cardinals (neither of us big baseball fans, but that's the team we both root for if we do watch) make a dramatic comeback and win the World Series in the 7th game.
We got caught up in the idea of building a house, then just buying a house, and settled just renting a house, but rest easy in our decision as we are finally out of apartments - and knowing what we need to do in the near future to be ready to actually buy (the biggest thing being: not chickening out!!) We welcomed a brother in law to the family in September. Before 2012 is over, we will probably be welcoming a new sister in law, a niece and two more nephews to the family as Chris' brother just brought up his girlfriend and her 3 kids from TX for good.
Who knows what else 2012 will bring? Our 10th HS Reunion will be this year - how is that possible???? Maybe a baby will come.......Chris will turn 28 in March, I'll turn 29 in November, and we'll celebrate 4 years of marriage in August. We have a couple of friends getting married, a couple of others already expecting babies in the early parts of the year. I truly hope in 2012 we can spend more time with friends & family......whether that be making a few more trips to IN, or arranging trips to meet halfway, or people coming to us.
Most of all - I wish us, and all of you out there - a most happy & peaceful New Year. May all year we all feel as optimistic as we all do today, as we look forward to a brand spankin' new 365 days. (No, wait - 366 this year!) Happy 2012!
We rang in 2012 last night with pajamas, wings from a local joint, a couple Redbox movies, homemade pina coladas and near the end of the night, a good dose of Nyquil. I've been fighting what I thought at first was strep, then a sinus infection, to what I now know is just a full on nasty cold. It was bad enough that I worked one measly day last week....fortunately we were already off on Monday 12/26, and we were off Friday 12/30, but I was only able to work Tuesday. Wednesday and Thursday - there was no way. I think the worst is over but thankfully I have one more day to recover and get some things done around the house. This is where the best part of no Christmas decorations being put up comes into play - nothing to take down and clean up!
I checked out my "Happy 2011" post from last year, and just like my feelings this year, I made no "resolutions" last year, either....."Besides getting into a concrete schedule for the mini, the only other real goal I've made for myself is to cut out the gossip."
Well, I accomplished my one big goal for the year, which was to train for and complete my first mini-marathon in May. What a great feeling that was! Crossing that finish line, I felt like I could do anything. Well, anything that I could do from a horizontal position, with my legs elevated, for approximately 3 days. :) It was a fantastic feeling.
The gossip part is a little harder to pinpoint. I finally was able to transfer offices in the spring at work which helped. Us being cocooned over here in Columbus helped. I still think it's a worthwhile goal to work on, but this year I'm going to broaden it. Cut out the BS. At the age of 28 (holy crap, I'll be 30 *next* year!!!!), I still allow way too many little things to get to me. At work, at home, in my marriage, within my family, within our circles of friends. Enough. Cutting out the BS. That's my "goal" in 2012.
2011 is over. We celebrated our 3rd anniversary, and finally, I think, we are over the hump of the mistakes I made which left our marrage a minefield of hurt, distrust & anger. We started trying in earnest for a baby, and while no luck yet, I'm trying to relax about it and let God do His thing (me = control freak = hardest thing ever to give up control).
We watched the Packers win a Super Bowl in our beloved Cowboys' Stadium in February, but that was better than the Steelers winning. We anxiously awaited the end of the NFL lockout to then watch our Cowboys week in and week out, one heart attack after another, without fail (tonight may be the biggest heart attack yet; we'll see). We (okay, I) streamed the Royal Wedding back in April and let myself get completely wrapped up in the news and glitz and magic of the prince and his "commoner." I almost wrecked my car on an early May morning, listening to Mike & Mike, when they shared the commentary from a baseball game the night before when it was announced the US that "we got him." [Osama Bin Laden]. We watched the Cardinals (neither of us big baseball fans, but that's the team we both root for if we do watch) make a dramatic comeback and win the World Series in the 7th game.
We got caught up in the idea of building a house, then just buying a house, and settled just renting a house, but rest easy in our decision as we are finally out of apartments - and knowing what we need to do in the near future to be ready to actually buy (the biggest thing being: not chickening out!!) We welcomed a brother in law to the family in September. Before 2012 is over, we will probably be welcoming a new sister in law, a niece and two more nephews to the family as Chris' brother just brought up his girlfriend and her 3 kids from TX for good.
Who knows what else 2012 will bring? Our 10th HS Reunion will be this year - how is that possible???? Maybe a baby will come.......Chris will turn 28 in March, I'll turn 29 in November, and we'll celebrate 4 years of marriage in August. We have a couple of friends getting married, a couple of others already expecting babies in the early parts of the year. I truly hope in 2012 we can spend more time with friends & family......whether that be making a few more trips to IN, or arranging trips to meet halfway, or people coming to us.
Most of all - I wish us, and all of you out there - a most happy & peaceful New Year. May all year we all feel as optimistic as we all do today, as we look forward to a brand spankin' new 365 days. (No, wait - 366 this year!) Happy 2012!
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