Sleep

I apologize in advance for this probably way-too personal/ too-many-details post.

This is ridiculous.

I slept for a grand total of maybe 4 hours Saturday night.  Exhausted all day Sunday.  Go to bed at a decent hour (9) last night and what am I doing?

Sitting up, awake, online, at 1:30, because what is becoming way too normal - I.  CAN'T.  F'ING.  SLEEP.

Tonight I at least have an excuse.  Not sure what is wrong but right after dinner, my stomach was really upset and is just now calming down.  NOT TO MENTION that for the 5th month in a row, Mother Nature shows up today, in all her cramping, backache, general feel-like-crap glory.  The last 4 months I've been calm and hopeful about it.  Today I start while in the middle of grocery shopping at Meijer and make it through checking out before I have a meltdown in the car.  Poor Chris.  I'm so frustrated and I really thought that we did everything "right" this month.  I quickly "got over it" (ie, didn't spend the day curled in a ball weeping in the dark), but I really am bummed.  Why is this, something that seems to happen so easily for other people, so hard for US?  I know you have to wait a year before seeing a doctor about it, but those ugly thoughts are starting to creep in my mind.......what if something is wrong?  What if we can never have a baby?

Okay, okay, no.  None of that. 

But every night for the last MONTH I've had trouble getting to sleep.  It's affecting everything.  My stress levels at work are high enough without enough sleep, I really think that I may end up scaring everyone into never talking to me again at this rate.  I eat like crap when I'm tired, I don't ever feel like exercising in any way shape or form when I'm tired.......

I'm tired of being TIRED.  I'm tired of having to drug myself into an oblivion just to get to sleep anymore.  The last couple of weeks I've tried really hard to not take anything; today I even bought a bottle of melatonin which is supposed to work wonders.  Ha. 

Sorry for whining.  These nights are killing me.  :(