It's Hard.

It's hard.

It's hard when a member of your family calls you with another piece of cool news about the impending arrival of your niece or nephew (in ~ 6.5 months) ((in this case, her blood type makes it necessary to run certain tests at her first appointment, one of which can tell the sex of the baby with 100% certainty at 12 weeks)).

It's hard getting on facebook and yet another friend, sorority sister, family acquaintance, has announced their happy news.

It's hard walking through a store and past the baby section knowing you have no place there yet.

It's hard walking ANYWHERE and watching someone that is 10 years your junior push her child(ren) through the mall, store, parking lot.............no ring on her finger, none of the kids dressed appropriately for the current weather, tattoos & piercings EVERYWHERE, smoking, as she yells at one of the kids to SHUT THE HELL UP.  (Seriously, how are people like that allowed to reproduce?)

It's hard knowing that for once in your life you can't gloat that you were right.  Everyone whose been telling us for 9 months now to "just relax and that it'll happen in its own time" is full of crap and I can't even be happy that everyone has been WRONG.  Results came back from my bloodwork last Monday and as I KNEW, a level is off (progesterone).  So..........what does that mean?  Next cycle: Clomid.  Keeping fingers crossed.  And hoping that someday very soon, that 2% of me that is selfish and self-pitying and just generally not nice will no longer have a place in my head & heart.