Humble

I'm feeling very humbled at this precise moment.

Blogs are wonderful things, aren't they? I had one in college through Xanga (it's still active....I just can't bear to take it down!) and I just laugh to myself when I think about it and read through some old entries. There's a lot of history in that blog 'o youth. One of my first entries was late late late one night my freshman year, as my roommate Jenine and I watched our country launch its "Shock & Awe" attack on Iraq. That was March of 2003. A lot has happened since then!

Anyway, I'm on this site a lot checking for friends' updates - thank goodness for technology when you live a state away from your family & friends! Through one of my friends' blogs (thanks, Ashley!), I came across a blog called "Bring the Rain," which happens to be a song by one of my favorite Christian bands, Mercy Me. I'm only sad that I just found her blog, because what a phenomenal woman this lady is. She & her husband had a small family going and found out they were expecting another child - a little girl. Early in the pregnancy, they found out the baby had major growth complications and wouldn't likely survive birth, let alone outside the womb. Still, they decided to continue on with the pregnancy and delivered a little girl who actually lived long enough for her parents & big sisters to love on her awhile.

Another one I just found - "To Bring Him Glory" - another amazing story. Your typical couple; married, bought a house, found out they were pregnant. Healthy pregnancy, normal birth, happy little girl until one day she got a fever & wouldn't eat - and 4 days later was gone. GONE. They got pregnant again almost right away - another healthy pregnancy - only to find out in her last trimester that her husband had a BRAIN TUMOR. A brain tumor!!!!!! He's doing okay.....and fortunately, their little boy was born healthy and they just had another one :)

But the common theme between these two women - their faith. Their absolute, unwavering, steady - faith. Faith in God. Faith that He would bring them through everything okay. Faith that He knew what He was doing and that He wouldn't steer them wrong. That He DID have a plan.

What faith. I'm literally shaking my head as I write this post. If I could even physically survive any of those things - I'm not sure my faith would make it, too. How easy it would be to blame God, that faceless 'being' in my life - this 'being' of good-doing and wonder - how could He do something like that?

I've seen first hand what happens when God chooses difficult paths for people. What happened to my dad - my dad's faith survived, but only because of the faith he had instilled in him before November 1, 1980 ever happened. My Nana - not so much. I think she believes in A God....but the great, wonderful, merciful God? I don't think so. My own husband had his own father taken from him when he wasn't even 10 years old, and not that his family was "super-religious" before that - but who wouldn't blame them for turning their backs to God? What kind of God takes a father of 3 and a husband of 10+ years away in an instant?

I'm proud of my faith and I'm proud of my Catholic upbringing. But I truly have to question myself - how would that faith stand up against tragedy? I turned to my faith in some rough moments in the last year or so and I know without a doubt that it is my faith that kept me from....well, kept me from a lot of things. It was that single, shining beacon of light that was HOME. Maybe I take my faith for granted. Maybe faith is like exercise. You need to work on it daily to make it stronger. I pray. I go to church (not as often as I should). I try to watch my language. But is that enough?

What else can I do to make my faith as strong as these women? Talk about heroines. I think I just found some for myself. :)