(Unfounded) Baby Fears

So, I'm a creature of habit. I love reruns of "Friends." There was just an episode on where Monica & Chandler find out that the chances of them having a baby on their own is pretty slim to none....

Things like that scare me to death. In fact, besides something happening that would suddenly take a loved one (or not suddenly, either one) away, my biggest fear is that I won't ever be able to have my own children. I know that right now I'm too selfish to be a mom, but my hopes are that eventually, I'll be grown up enough to be a mother.....if I could even be half the mom my own mom is....I think that my child(ren) will be lucky :) But seriously - all the money, exams and general pain-in-the-buttness of the last decade of trying to NOT have kids....just to be told someday that I can't? The thought just makes me sad, and something that I hope I never have to face.

On the other hand though....it seems that every other day, a friend, coworker, family member, acquaintance.....announces their upcoming bundle of joy. Seeing pictures.....buying for baby showers.....buying for the mommies-to-be.....gives me baby fever BAD.

But how do you KNOW? How do you know you're ready? I'm a planner. I like things going in a straight, forward, planned manner. Every morning at work, I go over the list I began the afternoon/ evening before and map out my day. Through the week, I think about the upcoming weekend and what I would like to accomplish (and in case anyone is wondering, this weekend I have plans to do NOTHING). Life just happens in a straight line.....y'know? Preschool....elem school....middle school....high school.....college. Since Chris & I started dating in college, it was a clear path that we would get married (obviously not the only reason we got married, but it was a good next step). After college, you get a good job. After you get married and have a good job, it seems, you have a baby. At least, that's the way it seems within my circle of friends.

There isn't a woman I know that is newly pregnant or newly-made-mommy that isn't in a good place or "shouldn't" be pregnant or "shouldn't" be a mom. Every woman I know that is pregnant or a mom is in a good place. But how do you KNOW you're in a good place? How do you know you're ready? How much does the circle of friends you run with play a part? How much does "baby fever" play a part? Obviously, big things like deciding with your husband...finances....play a part. But how much do outside factors play a part?

It's probably different for everyone. And I know that if we wait until we're "really" ready, we'll never have a baby. I just want to make sure that when we do....it's really, truly right for us....