I've been putting off starting Insanity for two weeks now. I've been scared to death of it.
With good reason. Holy crap.
I started today with just the FIT TEST. It's a 25 minute DVD and I am OUT OF SHAPE b/c I am SWEATING LIKE A PIG. And hurting. Geez.
I am, of course, planning on sticking with the, well, you know, plan (6 days a week may be a little much but I will do everything I can).....but my overall goal here is to just start feeling better....inside and out. It took me 4 shirts Saturday night before my birthday dinner out with Chris before I finally just settled on something. Ugh. I am TIRED of feeling like that. So....here goes nothing.
In other news.......I am almost done with day 2 of 29. Last year of my 20s. I'll discuss more about that later....but I had a very good birthday, including a big Cowboys win! Yeah!
Also in other news, I now have 2 neices and/ or nephews in heaven. My poor SIL lost another one - we found out less than 2 weeks after we found out that she was pregnant again that this one had just stopped growing. It's all so hard to process and wrap your head around. We are in very similar, very scary, very hard situations - but at the very least, I know what she's going through, and I (to a point) know what she's going through. I can only pray that it happens for us both SOON!!! What makes it so much harder is knowing the first one would've been due in about 2 weeks.....but we will all be together for Thanksgiving which hopefully will help. My heart just breaks - for both of us.
Only 7 work days to get through before 4 days off work - I'm ready for a break - no matter how much of a whirlwind these holiday weekends always are.
Time to go lay down. On the floor. Happy November everyone!
Showing posts with label me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label me. Show all posts
Monday, November 12, 2012
Monday, October 22, 2012
Better
I'm feeling a little better today. A little less....unglued. A little more together. A little less unhinged.
(Work and all of the guys I work with may put me in the looney bin, but that's another story. I got through the day without strangling anyone, and for that I deserve a big bonus!)
I've decided I just have to go about my life like normal. And then, when (not if, when) we do get pregnant, then I'll make adjustments.
That being said, I think I'm 90% talked into running the mini again next year. Columbus or Indy, I don't know yet, but it was a nice goal to work towards the first time, and this second time, I'd love to run it faster than I did last time. I'd LOVE to run it in about 2:10 (a steady 10 minute pace), but anything under 2:30 I'd be thrilled with. We'll see.
A guy from work also brought me the Insanity dvd's. I've heard a few people that have had great results from it, and it would be something else to a) get myself into shape and b) feel better about myself and c) get my mind off of everything. It's supposed to be pretty intense, but I need a good challenge.
I ALSO think I may start selling Scentsy soon. Don't know what Scentsy is? You will soon! :) I LOVE their stuff and, unlike 31, hasn't really taken off here yet (ie, everyone and their mom isn't selling it yet). Also unlike 31, people can run out of products, so the opportunities for selling are a lot higher. Maybe. I haven't quite decided, but I'm leaning towards it.
...."hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies."
(Work and all of the guys I work with may put me in the looney bin, but that's another story. I got through the day without strangling anyone, and for that I deserve a big bonus!)
I've decided I just have to go about my life like normal. And then, when (not if, when) we do get pregnant, then I'll make adjustments.
That being said, I think I'm 90% talked into running the mini again next year. Columbus or Indy, I don't know yet, but it was a nice goal to work towards the first time, and this second time, I'd love to run it faster than I did last time. I'd LOVE to run it in about 2:10 (a steady 10 minute pace), but anything under 2:30 I'd be thrilled with. We'll see.
A guy from work also brought me the Insanity dvd's. I've heard a few people that have had great results from it, and it would be something else to a) get myself into shape and b) feel better about myself and c) get my mind off of everything. It's supposed to be pretty intense, but I need a good challenge.
I ALSO think I may start selling Scentsy soon. Don't know what Scentsy is? You will soon! :) I LOVE their stuff and, unlike 31, hasn't really taken off here yet (ie, everyone and their mom isn't selling it yet). Also unlike 31, people can run out of products, so the opportunities for selling are a lot higher. Maybe. I haven't quite decided, but I'm leaning towards it.
...."hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies."
Friday, July 20, 2012
Stunned
I am sucking it UP on this thing lately.
I've not really had much to talk about, or say, and the things that are blogworthy, I just can't put into any kind of black & white that makes any sense - nor is it anything that I think anyone would want to read ((why should I care, this is my place, right?))
But today.....none of those things matter.
The fact that if we don't conceive this month, we're officially in that 10% of couples who can't get pregnant on their own within a year, and doctor's visits become more time consuming and expensive (as if they haven't already). The fact that one of my closest friends I've made here in Cbus was made through work and she's leaving to go to a different company. The fact that I'm glad its finally rained some lately, although our lawn still looks like it should be September. The fact that opening kickoff is in 47 short days! The fact that I am completely disgusted with myself and cannot force myself to stick with any sort of workout routine or any kind of healthy eating, even though every morning I look in the mirror and am ashamed of how I've let myself go.
None of that matters.
None of that matters b/c today, going to just escape from real life for a little bit, 12 people are dead, 50+ are injured, and there is a 24-year old med school dropout in custody.
I first got wind of this via facebook this morning and it was a main topic of discussion at work today. Guys I work with, with small kids who want to see this movie, were visibly shaken. I cried watching coverage after dinner tonight, watching a piece about a 24-year-old girl who just barely escaped with her life last month during a mass shooting in Toronto - she was killed last night. She was going to a broadcaster. She had a blog - I want to look it up.
The one side of me is just so......sickeningly fascinated with stuff like this. Why did he do it? What else did he have planned (this guy had a booby trap set at his door that would've killed the first people to break into his apartment - luckily, law enforcement had a camera that let them see in windows before anyone else got killed. Was anyone else involved? I think had I not gone the accounting route, I would've loved the world of psychology. People, how they tick, mental illness - for one thing, it hits very close to home. But second - it's fascinating stuff.
But the other side is just sick. And sad. And why would I want to bring a baby into this world anyway?
I don't know how I'm sitting here writing in a blog; TV is on in the other room, hubby already in bed b/c tomorrow is his Saturday to work - we're just going about our normal lives - when for over 70 people and their families - their worlds have stopped. Nothing will ever be the same again for them.
So, so sad. Tragic. Useless violence. Going to sleep with a heavy heart tonight, and thanking God extra hard that my loved ones are still with me.
I've not really had much to talk about, or say, and the things that are blogworthy, I just can't put into any kind of black & white that makes any sense - nor is it anything that I think anyone would want to read ((why should I care, this is my place, right?))
But today.....none of those things matter.
The fact that if we don't conceive this month, we're officially in that 10% of couples who can't get pregnant on their own within a year, and doctor's visits become more time consuming and expensive (as if they haven't already). The fact that one of my closest friends I've made here in Cbus was made through work and she's leaving to go to a different company. The fact that I'm glad its finally rained some lately, although our lawn still looks like it should be September. The fact that opening kickoff is in 47 short days! The fact that I am completely disgusted with myself and cannot force myself to stick with any sort of workout routine or any kind of healthy eating, even though every morning I look in the mirror and am ashamed of how I've let myself go.
None of that matters.
None of that matters b/c today, going to just escape from real life for a little bit, 12 people are dead, 50+ are injured, and there is a 24-year old med school dropout in custody.
I first got wind of this via facebook this morning and it was a main topic of discussion at work today. Guys I work with, with small kids who want to see this movie, were visibly shaken. I cried watching coverage after dinner tonight, watching a piece about a 24-year-old girl who just barely escaped with her life last month during a mass shooting in Toronto - she was killed last night. She was going to a broadcaster. She had a blog - I want to look it up.
The one side of me is just so......sickeningly fascinated with stuff like this. Why did he do it? What else did he have planned (this guy had a booby trap set at his door that would've killed the first people to break into his apartment - luckily, law enforcement had a camera that let them see in windows before anyone else got killed. Was anyone else involved? I think had I not gone the accounting route, I would've loved the world of psychology. People, how they tick, mental illness - for one thing, it hits very close to home. But second - it's fascinating stuff.
But the other side is just sick. And sad. And why would I want to bring a baby into this world anyway?
I don't know how I'm sitting here writing in a blog; TV is on in the other room, hubby already in bed b/c tomorrow is his Saturday to work - we're just going about our normal lives - when for over 70 people and their families - their worlds have stopped. Nothing will ever be the same again for them.
So, so sad. Tragic. Useless violence. Going to sleep with a heavy heart tonight, and thanking God extra hard that my loved ones are still with me.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Wednesday Brain Dump
I haven't done a brain dump in awhile. In fact, I think I gave it up after like 2.1 times of writing them....I suck. Oh well.......here goes.
1. Last couple of weeks have been whiny, crabby, cranky, and just generally pissed off at the world. At home, at work, on here....it hasn't been pretty. I apologize. The mix of the busiest spring in my history of springs at Brickman - my 4th one so far (partly due to all of my new responsibilities and partly due to the fact that we started mowing in MARCH), all the traveling I/ we've been doing (even the weekend we "got away" for a night was still one less day to get anything done around the house), and this whole baby business has just about put me in the damn loony bin. This week has been better, though. Catching up at work (kind of....and keep that quiet. Don't need anyone to know that I've actually had a free minute here and there to file AP and billing from......February??) and at home has made me more relaxed. Kind of.
2. Officially started my first round of Clomid on Saturday. I've gotten very saavy at all this fertility-talk which I'm not really that happy about (I'd much rather my body just do what it's supposed to without any real mental input from me, but that's not how this is going to work, apparently)....but my progesterone levels came back last month lower than they'd like, so that's what this med will do (force my body to actually ovulate, unlike what it hasn't been doing for 9 months now). Besides the side effects I've already dealt with (some nausea and oh-my-freaking-gosh-I-need-to-peel-off-my-skin-or-I-will-burn-alive hot flashes), it also raises your chances of twins by 10% or so. Chris was thrilled with that news, especially since twins run in my family anyway. We'll see.......the thought that this month could really be it (trying not to get my hopes up) is terrifying and exciting all at once. Stay tuned.....
3. Well, I say stay tuned, but we will not be telling ANYONE (outside of family and pertinent other people) if/ when that day comes until we are 11571% sure we have a real, live, healthy baby in there. Like....the 8 week appointment or even after that. Some sad news we got last week just confirmed my thought that telling people too early may not be a jinx (God's plan and all that), but it definitely just makes it that much harder and sadder to tell everyone if you lose the baby. Without going into too much detail, it turns out Chris and I WON'T be an aunt/ uncle again....not in November, anyway. It sucks and it's sad and I teared up on the phone with my SIL at work last Wednesday when I talked to her, and I just didn't know what to say (I know....there is nothing you CAN say). Like other people I know, she went in for her first "real" baby appointment....no heartbeat.....yup. So, it sucks that we live so far away and I feel awful for even having kind-of-sad/ jealous feelings when she told us all that she was pregnant.....but....sorry, friends. Any bun of mine will be nice and snuggled in for the long haul by the time anyone knows. So......pray for us, and pray for my SIL, ok? All 3 of you who read this....
4. We have 2 more days of this week to get through, then Chris & I are taking next Friday off, and then the following Monday is Memorial Day, which means a 4-day weekend and I CANNOT WAIT. We'll be going home to TH as always - Mom & Dad always have a big cookout for Anthony's bday/ the holiday and we'll be spending lots of time with family and traveling between houses, but I'm looking forward to some time away from work and just (hopefully) relaxing and taking our minds off everything. Who else can't believe it is MAY FREAKING 16TH ALREADY?!?
I think that's about all I've got for now. Going to cook dinner and eat on the patio.......l-o-ving this weather!
1. Last couple of weeks have been whiny, crabby, cranky, and just generally pissed off at the world. At home, at work, on here....it hasn't been pretty. I apologize. The mix of the busiest spring in my history of springs at Brickman - my 4th one so far (partly due to all of my new responsibilities and partly due to the fact that we started mowing in MARCH), all the traveling I/ we've been doing (even the weekend we "got away" for a night was still one less day to get anything done around the house), and this whole baby business has just about put me in the damn loony bin. This week has been better, though. Catching up at work (kind of....and keep that quiet. Don't need anyone to know that I've actually had a free minute here and there to file AP and billing from......February??) and at home has made me more relaxed. Kind of.
2. Officially started my first round of Clomid on Saturday. I've gotten very saavy at all this fertility-talk which I'm not really that happy about (I'd much rather my body just do what it's supposed to without any real mental input from me, but that's not how this is going to work, apparently)....but my progesterone levels came back last month lower than they'd like, so that's what this med will do (force my body to actually ovulate, unlike what it hasn't been doing for 9 months now). Besides the side effects I've already dealt with (some nausea and oh-my-freaking-gosh-I-need-to-peel-off-my-skin-or-I-will-burn-alive hot flashes), it also raises your chances of twins by 10% or so. Chris was thrilled with that news, especially since twins run in my family anyway. We'll see.......the thought that this month could really be it (trying not to get my hopes up) is terrifying and exciting all at once. Stay tuned.....
3. Well, I say stay tuned, but we will not be telling ANYONE (outside of family and pertinent other people) if/ when that day comes until we are 11571% sure we have a real, live, healthy baby in there. Like....the 8 week appointment or even after that. Some sad news we got last week just confirmed my thought that telling people too early may not be a jinx (God's plan and all that), but it definitely just makes it that much harder and sadder to tell everyone if you lose the baby. Without going into too much detail, it turns out Chris and I WON'T be an aunt/ uncle again....not in November, anyway. It sucks and it's sad and I teared up on the phone with my SIL at work last Wednesday when I talked to her, and I just didn't know what to say (I know....there is nothing you CAN say). Like other people I know, she went in for her first "real" baby appointment....no heartbeat.....yup. So, it sucks that we live so far away and I feel awful for even having kind-of-sad/ jealous feelings when she told us all that she was pregnant.....but....sorry, friends. Any bun of mine will be nice and snuggled in for the long haul by the time anyone knows. So......pray for us, and pray for my SIL, ok? All 3 of you who read this....
4. We have 2 more days of this week to get through, then Chris & I are taking next Friday off, and then the following Monday is Memorial Day, which means a 4-day weekend and I CANNOT WAIT. We'll be going home to TH as always - Mom & Dad always have a big cookout for Anthony's bday/ the holiday and we'll be spending lots of time with family and traveling between houses, but I'm looking forward to some time away from work and just (hopefully) relaxing and taking our minds off everything. Who else can't believe it is MAY FREAKING 16TH ALREADY?!?
I think that's about all I've got for now. Going to cook dinner and eat on the patio.......l-o-ving this weather!
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
I am exhausted. I am overwhelmed. I can't sleep. I am stressed out.
I can't catch nor keep up at work. Everyday flies by with barely time for bathroom breaks, let alone lunches away from my desk. I'm doing the work of 2 (at least) people, not to mention wearing the many hats of other positions at whatever time they're needed in the branch (Controller? Got it. Branch manager? On it. Operations/ Account Manager? Sure, why not).
I can't stay on top of my measly 1100 square foot house. There is always something. Laundry to do. Bathroom to clean. Floors to vacuum. Things to put away. Chris tells me to just relax, but I am becoming more like my mother everyday - I find it almost impossible to relax unless my surroundings are in a somewhat organized state.
I am trying to be healthier, but it's hard to have motivation to do anything after another 10-12 hour workday. I know it would help, but collapsing on the couch is about my only option at 4, 5, 6pm at night.
I am quickly unraveling and I am at a loss of what to do about it. Maybe going off the anti-anxiety/antidepressants last March (in hopes of an impending pregnancy) wasn't the greatest idea. I'm completely off balance.
Help!!! :(
I can't catch nor keep up at work. Everyday flies by with barely time for bathroom breaks, let alone lunches away from my desk. I'm doing the work of 2 (at least) people, not to mention wearing the many hats of other positions at whatever time they're needed in the branch (Controller? Got it. Branch manager? On it. Operations/ Account Manager? Sure, why not).
I can't stay on top of my measly 1100 square foot house. There is always something. Laundry to do. Bathroom to clean. Floors to vacuum. Things to put away. Chris tells me to just relax, but I am becoming more like my mother everyday - I find it almost impossible to relax unless my surroundings are in a somewhat organized state.
I am trying to be healthier, but it's hard to have motivation to do anything after another 10-12 hour workday. I know it would help, but collapsing on the couch is about my only option at 4, 5, 6pm at night.
I am quickly unraveling and I am at a loss of what to do about it. Maybe going off the anti-anxiety/antidepressants last March (in hopes of an impending pregnancy) wasn't the greatest idea. I'm completely off balance.
Help!!! :(
Saturday, May 5, 2012
It's Hard.
It's hard.
It's hard when a member of your family calls you with another piece of cool news about the impending arrival of your niece or nephew (in ~ 6.5 months) ((in this case, her blood type makes it necessary to run certain tests at her first appointment, one of which can tell the sex of the baby with 100% certainty at 12 weeks)).
It's hard getting on facebook and yet another friend, sorority sister, family acquaintance, has announced their happy news.
It's hard walking through a store and past the baby section knowing you have no place there yet.
It's hard walking ANYWHERE and watching someone that is 10 years your junior push her child(ren) through the mall, store, parking lot.............no ring on her finger, none of the kids dressed appropriately for the current weather, tattoos & piercings EVERYWHERE, smoking, as she yells at one of the kids to SHUT THE HELL UP. (Seriously, how are people like that allowed to reproduce?)
It's hard knowing that for once in your life you can't gloat that you were right. Everyone whose been telling us for 9 months now to "just relax and that it'll happen in its own time" is full of crap and I can't even be happy that everyone has been WRONG. Results came back from my bloodwork last Monday and as I KNEW, a level is off (progesterone). So..........what does that mean? Next cycle: Clomid. Keeping fingers crossed. And hoping that someday very soon, that 2% of me that is selfish and self-pitying and just generally not nice will no longer have a place in my head & heart.
It's hard when a member of your family calls you with another piece of cool news about the impending arrival of your niece or nephew (in ~ 6.5 months) ((in this case, her blood type makes it necessary to run certain tests at her first appointment, one of which can tell the sex of the baby with 100% certainty at 12 weeks)).
It's hard getting on facebook and yet another friend, sorority sister, family acquaintance, has announced their happy news.
It's hard walking through a store and past the baby section knowing you have no place there yet.
It's hard walking ANYWHERE and watching someone that is 10 years your junior push her child(ren) through the mall, store, parking lot.............no ring on her finger, none of the kids dressed appropriately for the current weather, tattoos & piercings EVERYWHERE, smoking, as she yells at one of the kids to SHUT THE HELL UP. (Seriously, how are people like that allowed to reproduce?)
It's hard knowing that for once in your life you can't gloat that you were right. Everyone whose been telling us for 9 months now to "just relax and that it'll happen in its own time" is full of crap and I can't even be happy that everyone has been WRONG. Results came back from my bloodwork last Monday and as I KNEW, a level is off (progesterone). So..........what does that mean? Next cycle: Clomid. Keeping fingers crossed. And hoping that someday very soon, that 2% of me that is selfish and self-pitying and just generally not nice will no longer have a place in my head & heart.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Some People Change
Something has changed, and recently. I can't really put my finger on it....there has been no "ah-ha!" moment in the last week or so, there hasn't been an incident that made me change my thinking......I don't know what it is. But....I'm just....happier. I don't know. I've not really been....down? lately, just the "same shit, different day" attitude. The same 'ole routine, day in and day out.
But now....something is different. I feel happier. I feel lighter. I feel....I don't know.
I guess the biggest thing is I'm just done with negativity. Done. Life is too short. Done with negative people, done with negative attitudes. I don't need that in my life. No one does.
Instead of being tired and grumpy in the morning, I'm taking on the attitude that at least I have a job, and I'm good at that job. Instead of being aggravated and impatient in line just now at the store b/c this little old man was taking FOREVER (and the fact he couldn't hear wasn't helping), I thought to myself....'that is someone's Dad. How will you want people to react when this is potentially YOUR dad in 30 or 40 years?'. Instead of scowling back at the McDonald's drive through girl this morning, I wished her a nice day and drove off. Not meanly, not kill-her-with-kindness mentality, just, "have a good day!"
It's hard for me to think like that. Those of you who know me know I'm Ms. Guilty-til-they're-proven-innocent. I think people as a general population are slow, lazy & generally useless. But you know what? I can't control everyone. I can't make everyone like me. This new attitude may not be so easy sometime down the road, and that's okay. But I'm trying. I'm making the effort.
No more negativity. No more feeding OFF of negativity, which is my biggest struggle. Have something mean to say about someone else? Go talk to someone else. Want to complain to me about your day? What are you doing to change it? Want to whine about how unfair a, b, c is? Well, life isn't always fair.
This is the new me, and it feels good.
But now....something is different. I feel happier. I feel lighter. I feel....I don't know.
I guess the biggest thing is I'm just done with negativity. Done. Life is too short. Done with negative people, done with negative attitudes. I don't need that in my life. No one does.
Instead of being tired and grumpy in the morning, I'm taking on the attitude that at least I have a job, and I'm good at that job. Instead of being aggravated and impatient in line just now at the store b/c this little old man was taking FOREVER (and the fact he couldn't hear wasn't helping), I thought to myself....'that is someone's Dad. How will you want people to react when this is potentially YOUR dad in 30 or 40 years?'. Instead of scowling back at the McDonald's drive through girl this morning, I wished her a nice day and drove off. Not meanly, not kill-her-with-kindness mentality, just, "have a good day!"
It's hard for me to think like that. Those of you who know me know I'm Ms. Guilty-til-they're-proven-innocent. I think people as a general population are slow, lazy & generally useless. But you know what? I can't control everyone. I can't make everyone like me. This new attitude may not be so easy sometime down the road, and that's okay. But I'm trying. I'm making the effort.
No more negativity. No more feeding OFF of negativity, which is my biggest struggle. Have something mean to say about someone else? Go talk to someone else. Want to complain to me about your day? What are you doing to change it? Want to whine about how unfair a, b, c is? Well, life isn't always fair.
This is the new me, and it feels good.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Sleep
I apologize in advance for this probably way-too personal/ too-many-details post.
This is ridiculous.
I slept for a grand total of maybe 4 hours Saturday night. Exhausted all day Sunday. Go to bed at a decent hour (9) last night and what am I doing?
Sitting up, awake, online, at 1:30, because what is becoming way too normal - I. CAN'T. F'ING. SLEEP.
Tonight I at least have an excuse. Not sure what is wrong but right after dinner, my stomach was really upset and is just now calming down. NOT TO MENTION that for the 5th month in a row, Mother Nature shows up today, in all her cramping, backache, general feel-like-crap glory. The last 4 months I've been calm and hopeful about it. Today I start while in the middle of grocery shopping at Meijer and make it through checking out before I have a meltdown in the car. Poor Chris. I'm so frustrated and I really thought that we did everything "right" this month. I quickly "got over it" (ie, didn't spend the day curled in a ball weeping in the dark), but I really am bummed. Why is this, something that seems to happen so easily for other people, so hard for US? I know you have to wait a year before seeing a doctor about it, but those ugly thoughts are starting to creep in my mind.......what if something is wrong? What if we can never have a baby?
Okay, okay, no. None of that.
But every night for the last MONTH I've had trouble getting to sleep. It's affecting everything. My stress levels at work are high enough without enough sleep, I really think that I may end up scaring everyone into never talking to me again at this rate. I eat like crap when I'm tired, I don't ever feel like exercising in any way shape or form when I'm tired.......
I'm tired of being TIRED. I'm tired of having to drug myself into an oblivion just to get to sleep anymore. The last couple of weeks I've tried really hard to not take anything; today I even bought a bottle of melatonin which is supposed to work wonders. Ha.
Sorry for whining. These nights are killing me. :(
This is ridiculous.
I slept for a grand total of maybe 4 hours Saturday night. Exhausted all day Sunday. Go to bed at a decent hour (9) last night and what am I doing?
Sitting up, awake, online, at 1:30, because what is becoming way too normal - I. CAN'T. F'ING. SLEEP.
Tonight I at least have an excuse. Not sure what is wrong but right after dinner, my stomach was really upset and is just now calming down. NOT TO MENTION that for the 5th month in a row, Mother Nature shows up today, in all her cramping, backache, general feel-like-crap glory. The last 4 months I've been calm and hopeful about it. Today I start while in the middle of grocery shopping at Meijer and make it through checking out before I have a meltdown in the car. Poor Chris. I'm so frustrated and I really thought that we did everything "right" this month. I quickly "got over it" (ie, didn't spend the day curled in a ball weeping in the dark), but I really am bummed. Why is this, something that seems to happen so easily for other people, so hard for US? I know you have to wait a year before seeing a doctor about it, but those ugly thoughts are starting to creep in my mind.......what if something is wrong? What if we can never have a baby?
Okay, okay, no. None of that.
But every night for the last MONTH I've had trouble getting to sleep. It's affecting everything. My stress levels at work are high enough without enough sleep, I really think that I may end up scaring everyone into never talking to me again at this rate. I eat like crap when I'm tired, I don't ever feel like exercising in any way shape or form when I'm tired.......
I'm tired of being TIRED. I'm tired of having to drug myself into an oblivion just to get to sleep anymore. The last couple of weeks I've tried really hard to not take anything; today I even bought a bottle of melatonin which is supposed to work wonders. Ha.
Sorry for whining. These nights are killing me. :(
Friday, November 4, 2011
November??!
What a crazy couple of weeks this has been. In short:
1. We moved into a cute little rental house on the 15/16. We love it and everything big is unpacked and in place, but all of the little things (hanging pictures, unpacking non-everyday clothes, unpacking the randoms) just need to get done b/c the random unsettledness is driving me crazy.
2. Chris' parents were over on the 22/23. We had a very relaxing and low key weekend - nothing big to report. The most exciting thing from the weekend was buying a new programmable thermostat for the house that Chris' stepdad installed.
3. Snow is coming. Work is getting crazy. It's my 4th snow season with Brickman, but 1st at the new branch....always a lot of work.
4. Thanksgiving is now less than 3 weeks away. Which means Christmas is a mere 7 weeks away. We are in no shape or form prepared for either holiday.
5. Cowboys have managed to grab losses from the jaws of victory 3 times this season (@ the Jets, home vs Detroit and on the road @ the Patriots) and just lay a big turd another game this past weekend to be 3-4 going into this weekend. Thankfully, the hardest part of our schedule is now behind while the rest of our division has tough months ahead. No one expected Dallas to do better than 9-7 or 8-8, but now that they're in the season, they're getting slammed for not leading the division after 8 weeks. Lame.
6. Still no baby. Trying to relax and not overthink it, but it's hard to "just let it happen." How does one do that, exactly? How do you spend a good portion of your late teens & early 20s doing everything POSSIBLE to prevent and then all of a sudden "oh, just have fun with it! God will let it happen in His own time!" If one more person tells me to just "relax," I'm going to flip. out. I'm doing my best people, but my slightly anal-retentive nature is hard to overcome. I know a baby will come in its own sweet time; I'm just used at being good at things the first time I try them :-\ ((That came out really conceited, but I just mean in things like school and numbers, etc........))
7. Not huge baseball fans in the King household although my dad has always loved the Cardinals and Chris has passively followed them as long as I've known him, so it was fun to watch St. Louis come from out of nowhere to win the wild card, beat the favored Phillies, win the pennant against Milwaukee & take the Rangers in 7 to win their 11th Championship ever. At least one of our teams is going somewhere this year (lame).
8. When your husband tells you to "stay between the boards" while crawling through the attic, he means to stay on the rafters. Not on the panels in between. Not following those directions causes one to almost fall completely through their kitchen ceiling, bust up their right shin & have the black and blue bruise to end all black and blue bruises on their left butt cheek. Ouch. Needless to say, we have not been able to get internet and cable to the bedroom we need it in; I'm typing this post from the buffet in the kitchen. Oh well. We'll get there......eventually.
9. I'm doing absolutely nothing between now and Sunday. I may not even bathe. Okay, I'll bathe. But after moving 3 weekends ago, Chris' parents 2 weekends ago, getting our apartment closed up last week......then next weekend I'm going to E-ville with my mom and sister, weekend after that friends are coming, weekend after that is Thanksgiving, weekend after that is DECEMBER.......yeah, doing. nothing. this weekend.
10. That is all...........looking forward to the coolest day in history, ever - 11.11.11 - my 28th birthday ;-)
1. We moved into a cute little rental house on the 15/16. We love it and everything big is unpacked and in place, but all of the little things (hanging pictures, unpacking non-everyday clothes, unpacking the randoms) just need to get done b/c the random unsettledness is driving me crazy.
2. Chris' parents were over on the 22/23. We had a very relaxing and low key weekend - nothing big to report. The most exciting thing from the weekend was buying a new programmable thermostat for the house that Chris' stepdad installed.
3. Snow is coming. Work is getting crazy. It's my 4th snow season with Brickman, but 1st at the new branch....always a lot of work.
4. Thanksgiving is now less than 3 weeks away. Which means Christmas is a mere 7 weeks away. We are in no shape or form prepared for either holiday.
5. Cowboys have managed to grab losses from the jaws of victory 3 times this season (@ the Jets, home vs Detroit and on the road @ the Patriots) and just lay a big turd another game this past weekend to be 3-4 going into this weekend. Thankfully, the hardest part of our schedule is now behind while the rest of our division has tough months ahead. No one expected Dallas to do better than 9-7 or 8-8, but now that they're in the season, they're getting slammed for not leading the division after 8 weeks. Lame.
6. Still no baby. Trying to relax and not overthink it, but it's hard to "just let it happen." How does one do that, exactly? How do you spend a good portion of your late teens & early 20s doing everything POSSIBLE to prevent and then all of a sudden "oh, just have fun with it! God will let it happen in His own time!" If one more person tells me to just "relax," I'm going to flip. out. I'm doing my best people, but my slightly anal-retentive nature is hard to overcome. I know a baby will come in its own sweet time; I'm just used at being good at things the first time I try them :-\ ((That came out really conceited, but I just mean in things like school and numbers, etc........))
7. Not huge baseball fans in the King household although my dad has always loved the Cardinals and Chris has passively followed them as long as I've known him, so it was fun to watch St. Louis come from out of nowhere to win the wild card, beat the favored Phillies, win the pennant against Milwaukee & take the Rangers in 7 to win their 11th Championship ever. At least one of our teams is going somewhere this year (lame).
8. When your husband tells you to "stay between the boards" while crawling through the attic, he means to stay on the rafters. Not on the panels in between. Not following those directions causes one to almost fall completely through their kitchen ceiling, bust up their right shin & have the black and blue bruise to end all black and blue bruises on their left butt cheek. Ouch. Needless to say, we have not been able to get internet and cable to the bedroom we need it in; I'm typing this post from the buffet in the kitchen. Oh well. We'll get there......eventually.
9. I'm doing absolutely nothing between now and Sunday. I may not even bathe. Okay, I'll bathe. But after moving 3 weekends ago, Chris' parents 2 weekends ago, getting our apartment closed up last week......then next weekend I'm going to E-ville with my mom and sister, weekend after that friends are coming, weekend after that is Thanksgiving, weekend after that is DECEMBER.......yeah, doing. nothing. this weekend.
10. That is all...........looking forward to the coolest day in history, ever - 11.11.11 - my 28th birthday ;-)
Thursday, February 3, 2011
About to Crash...
The doctor's office tried to charge me a copay. I flat out refused, saying that I had just seen the doctor 24 hours ago and all HE wanted me to do was to call in and request antibiotics and that I wouldn't have to pay (okay, so he didn't say that part, but COME ON). Thankfully, they just said, "oh, okay then" and went about their business. Not sure if it was because I was a) on the verge of tears, b) wearing the exact same outfit I was when I was there yesterday (okay, same jeans and sweatshirt, not underthings, but still) or c) because they just wanted me to go away already, but whatever. No extra money out of my pocket!
A P.A. listened to me wheeze and cough and try to breathe for a few minutes, and the good news is that she didn't think my wheezing came from pre-pneumonia-like symptoms - just more "superficial" wheezing. She asked if I had asthma (I did, minor cases of it, in college), and actually on Tuesday when I came home early I looked for my old inhaler. I haven't used one in years. She said that this cold, freezing weather could have been a catalyst for it acting up, and prescribed me steroids to get the avioli (sp?) - the little air sacs in your lungs - to quit being inflamed, and hopefully that should help. She also prescribed a z-pack (bless that woman) after I described 2 rather large, disgusting, greenish-brown globs that I coughed up just before coming (sorry, TMI). She said although what I have probably isn't bacterial, the little air sacs being inflamed for so long can lead to infection, and the z-pack would ward off anything sticking around.
So, I've taken my full first day's dose of steroids (6 tablets), my first day's dose of the z-pack, a good dose of hydrocodone, and I'm ready to drop. I told my boss I'd be in by noon tomorrow......I should try to make an effort to go in early, but I just feel like if I push myself too much, I'll be worn out after an hour and I'll be worthless. This way, I can go in, get the bare minimum done for end of month, and hopefully be out of there by 5 or 6. Thankfully, the guys I work with have really stayed on top of their reports so there won't be many changes to make - just getting A/P ready to go, entered and sent off will be my main task for the day. Gotta love accounting deadlines.......
I'm off to a drug-induced sleep....I haven't coughed in about 20 minutes, this could be a good sign!
NIGHT!
A P.A. listened to me wheeze and cough and try to breathe for a few minutes, and the good news is that she didn't think my wheezing came from pre-pneumonia-like symptoms - just more "superficial" wheezing. She asked if I had asthma (I did, minor cases of it, in college), and actually on Tuesday when I came home early I looked for my old inhaler. I haven't used one in years. She said that this cold, freezing weather could have been a catalyst for it acting up, and prescribed me steroids to get the avioli (sp?) - the little air sacs in your lungs - to quit being inflamed, and hopefully that should help. She also prescribed a z-pack (bless that woman) after I described 2 rather large, disgusting, greenish-brown globs that I coughed up just before coming (sorry, TMI). She said although what I have probably isn't bacterial, the little air sacs being inflamed for so long can lead to infection, and the z-pack would ward off anything sticking around.
So, I've taken my full first day's dose of steroids (6 tablets), my first day's dose of the z-pack, a good dose of hydrocodone, and I'm ready to drop. I told my boss I'd be in by noon tomorrow......I should try to make an effort to go in early, but I just feel like if I push myself too much, I'll be worn out after an hour and I'll be worthless. This way, I can go in, get the bare minimum done for end of month, and hopefully be out of there by 5 or 6. Thankfully, the guys I work with have really stayed on top of their reports so there won't be many changes to make - just getting A/P ready to go, entered and sent off will be my main task for the day. Gotta love accounting deadlines.......
I'm off to a drug-induced sleep....I haven't coughed in about 20 minutes, this could be a good sign!
NIGHT!
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Tired and tidbits
I am exhausted. Absolutely exhausted. I've gone to bed every night this week fully confident that I would fall right asleep b/c I have been SO worn out. But no. I read, turn out the light, and toss. And turn. And toss. And turn. I haven't fallen asleep within 2 hours of turning out my light in I can't tell you how long. Today I finally fell into a deep sleep when I woke up and saw my clock said 5:22. Sweet. My alarm goes off at 6.
I don't know what the deal is. My back has been giving me problems but I've been working through it as best I can. It's not like I can't "turn my head off," I literally just can't fall asleep. Chris finally pushed me out of bed at 6:35 this morning (good thing I shower at night). I literally got up, brushed my teeth, washed my face, threw my hair in a ponytail, got dressed in the dark, and was out the door at 6:45. I don't even care.
I'm grumpy today, and I know me being tired doesn't help. My best bet is probably just to keep my mouth shut all day today so as to not overly piss anyone off.
Even worse is here at work we have instant messenger which is really nice when you have a quick question for someone at another office but don't want to call them.......or just to bs now and then.....and the girl I'm closest to (BA at another office) has been on vacation for a week. I've had no one to vent to, and I'm about to lose it.
I guess no tidbits for now. I'm too worn out. And annoyed.
I don't know what the deal is. My back has been giving me problems but I've been working through it as best I can. It's not like I can't "turn my head off," I literally just can't fall asleep. Chris finally pushed me out of bed at 6:35 this morning (good thing I shower at night). I literally got up, brushed my teeth, washed my face, threw my hair in a ponytail, got dressed in the dark, and was out the door at 6:45. I don't even care.
I'm grumpy today, and I know me being tired doesn't help. My best bet is probably just to keep my mouth shut all day today so as to not overly piss anyone off.
Even worse is here at work we have instant messenger which is really nice when you have a quick question for someone at another office but don't want to call them.......or just to bs now and then.....and the girl I'm closest to (BA at another office) has been on vacation for a week. I've had no one to vent to, and I'm about to lose it.
I guess no tidbits for now. I'm too worn out. And annoyed.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Humble
I'm feeling very humbled at this precise moment.
Blogs are wonderful things, aren't they? I had one in college through Xanga (it's still active....I just can't bear to take it down!) and I just laugh to myself when I think about it and read through some old entries. There's a lot of history in that blog 'o youth. One of my first entries was late late late one night my freshman year, as my roommate Jenine and I watched our country launch its "Shock & Awe" attack on Iraq. That was March of 2003. A lot has happened since then!
Anyway, I'm on this site a lot checking for friends' updates - thank goodness for technology when you live a state away from your family & friends! Through one of my friends' blogs (thanks, Ashley!), I came across a blog called "Bring the Rain," which happens to be a song by one of my favorite Christian bands, Mercy Me. I'm only sad that I just found her blog, because what a phenomenal woman this lady is. She & her husband had a small family going and found out they were expecting another child - a little girl. Early in the pregnancy, they found out the baby had major growth complications and wouldn't likely survive birth, let alone outside the womb. Still, they decided to continue on with the pregnancy and delivered a little girl who actually lived long enough for her parents & big sisters to love on her awhile.
Another one I just found - "To Bring Him Glory" - another amazing story. Your typical couple; married, bought a house, found out they were pregnant. Healthy pregnancy, normal birth, happy little girl until one day she got a fever & wouldn't eat - and 4 days later was gone. GONE. They got pregnant again almost right away - another healthy pregnancy - only to find out in her last trimester that her husband had a BRAIN TUMOR. A brain tumor!!!!!! He's doing okay.....and fortunately, their little boy was born healthy and they just had another one :)
But the common theme between these two women - their faith. Their absolute, unwavering, steady - faith. Faith in God. Faith that He would bring them through everything okay. Faith that He knew what He was doing and that He wouldn't steer them wrong. That He DID have a plan.
What faith. I'm literally shaking my head as I write this post. If I could even physically survive any of those things - I'm not sure my faith would make it, too. How easy it would be to blame God, that faceless 'being' in my life - this 'being' of good-doing and wonder - how could He do something like that?
I've seen first hand what happens when God chooses difficult paths for people. What happened to my dad - my dad's faith survived, but only because of the faith he had instilled in him before November 1, 1980 ever happened. My Nana - not so much. I think she believes in A God....but the great, wonderful, merciful God? I don't think so. My own husband had his own father taken from him when he wasn't even 10 years old, and not that his family was "super-religious" before that - but who wouldn't blame them for turning their backs to God? What kind of God takes a father of 3 and a husband of 10+ years away in an instant?
I'm proud of my faith and I'm proud of my Catholic upbringing. But I truly have to question myself - how would that faith stand up against tragedy? I turned to my faith in some rough moments in the last year or so and I know without a doubt that it is my faith that kept me from....well, kept me from a lot of things. It was that single, shining beacon of light that was HOME. Maybe I take my faith for granted. Maybe faith is like exercise. You need to work on it daily to make it stronger. I pray. I go to church (not as often as I should). I try to watch my language. But is that enough?
What else can I do to make my faith as strong as these women? Talk about heroines. I think I just found some for myself. :)
Blogs are wonderful things, aren't they? I had one in college through Xanga (it's still active....I just can't bear to take it down!) and I just laugh to myself when I think about it and read through some old entries. There's a lot of history in that blog 'o youth. One of my first entries was late late late one night my freshman year, as my roommate Jenine and I watched our country launch its "Shock & Awe" attack on Iraq. That was March of 2003. A lot has happened since then!
Anyway, I'm on this site a lot checking for friends' updates - thank goodness for technology when you live a state away from your family & friends! Through one of my friends' blogs (thanks, Ashley!), I came across a blog called "Bring the Rain," which happens to be a song by one of my favorite Christian bands, Mercy Me. I'm only sad that I just found her blog, because what a phenomenal woman this lady is. She & her husband had a small family going and found out they were expecting another child - a little girl. Early in the pregnancy, they found out the baby had major growth complications and wouldn't likely survive birth, let alone outside the womb. Still, they decided to continue on with the pregnancy and delivered a little girl who actually lived long enough for her parents & big sisters to love on her awhile.
Another one I just found - "To Bring Him Glory" - another amazing story. Your typical couple; married, bought a house, found out they were pregnant. Healthy pregnancy, normal birth, happy little girl until one day she got a fever & wouldn't eat - and 4 days later was gone. GONE. They got pregnant again almost right away - another healthy pregnancy - only to find out in her last trimester that her husband had a BRAIN TUMOR. A brain tumor!!!!!! He's doing okay.....and fortunately, their little boy was born healthy and they just had another one :)
But the common theme between these two women - their faith. Their absolute, unwavering, steady - faith. Faith in God. Faith that He would bring them through everything okay. Faith that He knew what He was doing and that He wouldn't steer them wrong. That He DID have a plan.
What faith. I'm literally shaking my head as I write this post. If I could even physically survive any of those things - I'm not sure my faith would make it, too. How easy it would be to blame God, that faceless 'being' in my life - this 'being' of good-doing and wonder - how could He do something like that?
I've seen first hand what happens when God chooses difficult paths for people. What happened to my dad - my dad's faith survived, but only because of the faith he had instilled in him before November 1, 1980 ever happened. My Nana - not so much. I think she believes in A God....but the great, wonderful, merciful God? I don't think so. My own husband had his own father taken from him when he wasn't even 10 years old, and not that his family was "super-religious" before that - but who wouldn't blame them for turning their backs to God? What kind of God takes a father of 3 and a husband of 10+ years away in an instant?
I'm proud of my faith and I'm proud of my Catholic upbringing. But I truly have to question myself - how would that faith stand up against tragedy? I turned to my faith in some rough moments in the last year or so and I know without a doubt that it is my faith that kept me from....well, kept me from a lot of things. It was that single, shining beacon of light that was HOME. Maybe I take my faith for granted. Maybe faith is like exercise. You need to work on it daily to make it stronger. I pray. I go to church (not as often as I should). I try to watch my language. But is that enough?
What else can I do to make my faith as strong as these women? Talk about heroines. I think I just found some for myself. :)
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
?????????
I have lots 'o feelings right now. I don't really know how to put them into words. I just went for a run and that helped, and now I'm about to have some dinner, take a shower, and hopefully fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. Maybe all I need is a night of NO tossing and turning!!!!!!!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Success!!!!!!!
So, the last couple of months at work have been....well, hard. Stressful. Exasperating. Exhausting. Literally high-blood-pressure-making (both times I had a doc's appointment during a workday, I had way-higher-than-normal-for-me BP). Tiring, emotional, BUSY.
I had a minor meltdown right before Thanksgiving. I had HAD it. I put my thoughts, concerns, complaints, etc onto paper and had a nice, calm (okay, I started breaking out in hives midway through, but still kept it together and managed to sound like the intelligent, has-it-together, multitasking BA they hired) meeting with my regional controller.
Long story short - way overworked. Underpaid. Underappreciated.
Well, a lot has changed since that meeting. I'm having more frequent check-ins with my manager. He has really taken a lot off my plate (and I've practiced saying that nasty "n-word" - NO!!), which has really eased my workload. I'm now being able to focus more on my core tasks and doing them WELL.....as opposed to doing my core tasks just okay (and pushing more and more to the back burner) and doing a lot of unncessary work, too. I'm leaving work at the end of (most) days feeling like I really accomplished things, rather than just feeling like a hampster in a wheel.
And today, what I've really been sticking to - without being SUPER obnoxious - the "funds" part came through, too. I have gotten 2 raises since I started in 2008 and I KNOW that is more than most people have gotten in the last 2 years in this economy - but my branch alone grew 38% (THIRTY-EIGHT PERCENT, not a typo, and not just pocket change when you do commercial landscaping for over 100 job sites) last year, and I felt like a bone thrown my way wouldn't break the bank. With the growth we experienced last year, we got 2 new trucks which meant 2 new supervisors and 5-6 new crewpeople. We ALSO got a new Operations Manager, bringing the grand total in my branch up to 5. But still only ONE me! Only one me to absorb all of that extra billing, all of the extra payables, all of the extra payroll, and the extra receivables.
So. I wasn't going to be a brat about it, and I wasn't going to back off doing my job as well as I could possibly do. But to be recognized, and compensated fairly, for the hard work you've done, and are doing on a daily basis, feels really good.
I had a minor meltdown right before Thanksgiving. I had HAD it. I put my thoughts, concerns, complaints, etc onto paper and had a nice, calm (okay, I started breaking out in hives midway through, but still kept it together and managed to sound like the intelligent, has-it-together, multitasking BA they hired) meeting with my regional controller.
Long story short - way overworked. Underpaid. Underappreciated.
Well, a lot has changed since that meeting. I'm having more frequent check-ins with my manager. He has really taken a lot off my plate (and I've practiced saying that nasty "n-word" - NO!!), which has really eased my workload. I'm now being able to focus more on my core tasks and doing them WELL.....as opposed to doing my core tasks just okay (and pushing more and more to the back burner) and doing a lot of unncessary work, too. I'm leaving work at the end of (most) days feeling like I really accomplished things, rather than just feeling like a hampster in a wheel.
And today, what I've really been sticking to - without being SUPER obnoxious - the "funds" part came through, too. I have gotten 2 raises since I started in 2008 and I KNOW that is more than most people have gotten in the last 2 years in this economy - but my branch alone grew 38% (THIRTY-EIGHT PERCENT, not a typo, and not just pocket change when you do commercial landscaping for over 100 job sites) last year, and I felt like a bone thrown my way wouldn't break the bank. With the growth we experienced last year, we got 2 new trucks which meant 2 new supervisors and 5-6 new crewpeople. We ALSO got a new Operations Manager, bringing the grand total in my branch up to 5. But still only ONE me! Only one me to absorb all of that extra billing, all of the extra payables, all of the extra payroll, and the extra receivables.
So. I wasn't going to be a brat about it, and I wasn't going to back off doing my job as well as I could possibly do. But to be recognized, and compensated fairly, for the hard work you've done, and are doing on a daily basis, feels really good.
Monday, January 10, 2011
You know you're a nerd when.....
you're at work for literally 12 hours straight, no lunch, barely a pee break (had to fit a couple in; lots of caffeine on the menu today......nap yesterday afternoon = BAD idea - I was up til after 12:30am) - start the day off $740,000 off for my 2011 reconciliation...........
end up only $40 off (out of $2.9 million) -
and leave work not completely pissed off. actually leave work feeling kind of.....accomplished. and cool. because my boss would've taken daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaays. i'm just that cool.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just give me my super-thick glasses and pocket protector and I'll be on my way :-)
end up only $40 off (out of $2.9 million) -
and leave work not completely pissed off. actually leave work feeling kind of.....accomplished. and cool. because my boss would've taken daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaays. i'm just that cool.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just give me my super-thick glasses and pocket protector and I'll be on my way :-)
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Life Cleanup
I am done with people whose only impact in my life is negative.
I feel that I hardly have the emotional backbone to deal with what comes my way on a day-to-day basis, let alone deal with the crap that people bring into it, frivolous or not. (That is not to say that I don't deal with my problems. I do. I just don't feel like I need to deal with everyone else's, too).
So today, I again went through my facebook "friends" list. No impact in my life in the last however-long-of-time? Gone. Generally annoy me with your consistent negativity? Gone.
As much fun as I used to get out of a good football argument, or the joy of feeling like I've helped someone through a tough situation - at some point, enough is enough. Regardless of what some may think, I DO know there is life outside of the Dallas Cowboys, and no matter how much I argue, there will always be someone out there that just wants to push my buttons and get me fired up. And there will always be those people out there whose life is just always miserable, no matter how good or bad they have it, no matter what I say, no matter what I do.
So another "resolution," if you will - staying focused on the positive. Not getting caught up in the day to day bullshit (gossip and petty arguments). And again.........living my life in such a way that makes people PROUD to say they know me, and makes me proud to look in the mirror at myself.
I feel that I hardly have the emotional backbone to deal with what comes my way on a day-to-day basis, let alone deal with the crap that people bring into it, frivolous or not. (That is not to say that I don't deal with my problems. I do. I just don't feel like I need to deal with everyone else's, too).
So today, I again went through my facebook "friends" list. No impact in my life in the last however-long-of-time? Gone. Generally annoy me with your consistent negativity? Gone.
As much fun as I used to get out of a good football argument, or the joy of feeling like I've helped someone through a tough situation - at some point, enough is enough. Regardless of what some may think, I DO know there is life outside of the Dallas Cowboys, and no matter how much I argue, there will always be someone out there that just wants to push my buttons and get me fired up. And there will always be those people out there whose life is just always miserable, no matter how good or bad they have it, no matter what I say, no matter what I do.
So another "resolution," if you will - staying focused on the positive. Not getting caught up in the day to day bullshit (gossip and petty arguments). And again.........living my life in such a way that makes people PROUD to say they know me, and makes me proud to look in the mirror at myself.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Insomnia
My body doesn't want to believe that it has to be up, awake, coherent and moving in about 6 hours..........I'm a bear with not a lot of sleep.............here's hoping when I go to bed for the 2nd time tonight I'll fall asleep quick (although hearing Chris' snoring all the way from the other room may mean that might not happen.............)
First Post of 2011
2011. I've now been alive to see the start of my 4th decade (80s, 90s, 00s and now the 10s). Crazy!
New Years Eve was pretty uneventful for us. We actually started dating on New Years Eve of 2002-2003, so we've now passed 8 years together. We had fun at dinner trying to think back all of our NYE's together:
02/03 - Days Inn in Terre Haute - ended up being me, Chris & his best friend (and best man in our wedding) Bill - pretty uneventful!
03/04 - a double date party with one of Chris' former friends, Joe, and his girlfriend....can't remember her name and Chris hasn't spoken to him in years due to a fairly major fallout some years back....
04/05 - if memory serves, there was a party at Sigma Chi that turned out to be pretty lame, so we came back to Bethel and hung out by ourselves.
05/06 - party at Chris' house on North Street + party at the AOII Calvert House
06/07 - another party at Chris' house on North Street....I think....
07/ 08 - Jazz Kitchen in Indy with Chris' Sigma Chi friends and their g/fs and wives
08/09 - our first married NYE, in Cincinnati.....dinner at the top of the rotating restaurant with the same group from 07-08
09/10 - NYE in Columbus! Sigma Chi group convened here for a Blue Jackets game, dinner @ Boston's and some minor hoopla in a downtown hotel
This year was a little different - we had friends with a 4-week old baby, so they were out - another couple due in 3 months, so they were out - which left 3 (couples) of us. Plans went back and forth for weeks, but Chris had to work until 1 on Friday and it just wasn't going to be conducive for us to go anywhere. So, we got dressed up and braved Cheesecake at 7pm....I was fully expecting to have to wait for 2 hours, but we were in within 45 minutes. We enjoyed a yummy dinner and then tagged along with some friends to a party. We ended up leaving at 11 to come home, watched the ball drop with some champagne drank from our wedding flutes and being in bed shortly after. It was kind of nice to ring in the new year, just the two of us.
I've had 3 pretty "easy" weeks at work, as far as actual working days go - a 4 day week, then a 2.5 day week, and a 3-day week last week......so a full 5-day week this week is going to be killer.....not to mention that it's my end of month/ end of year, so it's going to be a busy one.
I did get back on track today with my mini training - 2.25 miles, outside - in about 22 minutes. It was COLD and WINDY today, so it was a hard run, and my new running gloves basically left me with frostbitten fingertips, but I got through it. Come February I'll be on an actual mini-training schedule, but until then I'm giving myself a little flexibility with distances and days ran to get myself back into it. I'm giving myself a goal of 10 miles/ week between now and 1/31, which I think is very doable.
Besides getting into a concrete schedule for the mini, the only other real goal I've made for myself is to cut out the gossip. At work, with people I know, with friends. I recently read an article in Cosmo....Glamour, maybe? talking about gossip, how easily it spreads, how nasty it can get - and an easy way to stop yourself from being a target (outside of not doing anything "gossip-worthy") is to not be a hub for gossip yourself. It's a hard goal, and I know it. But there's a quote out there..........another one to live by besides my one yesterday:
"Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people."
I also think this will help me with last year's goal of not living my life for other people....maybe if I quit being so concerned about everyone else, everyone else won't be so concerned about me and what I'm doing in MY life. It's an egocentric thought, I know - no one's world revolves around me. But the more I can just go about my business, with my loved ones, without the drama - the better.
Oh, and the Cowboys finished their dismal season at 6-10 with a just barely win over Philly today (their 2nd stringers, nonetheless), which is their worst in over 5 years....I'm already itching for next season....if there is one.
Happy 2011!!!!
New Years Eve was pretty uneventful for us. We actually started dating on New Years Eve of 2002-2003, so we've now passed 8 years together. We had fun at dinner trying to think back all of our NYE's together:
02/03 - Days Inn in Terre Haute - ended up being me, Chris & his best friend (and best man in our wedding) Bill - pretty uneventful!
03/04 - a double date party with one of Chris' former friends, Joe, and his girlfriend....can't remember her name and Chris hasn't spoken to him in years due to a fairly major fallout some years back....
04/05 - if memory serves, there was a party at Sigma Chi that turned out to be pretty lame, so we came back to Bethel and hung out by ourselves.
05/06 - party at Chris' house on North Street + party at the AOII Calvert House
06/07 - another party at Chris' house on North Street....I think....
07/ 08 - Jazz Kitchen in Indy with Chris' Sigma Chi friends and their g/fs and wives
08/09 - our first married NYE, in Cincinnati.....dinner at the top of the rotating restaurant with the same group from 07-08
09/10 - NYE in Columbus! Sigma Chi group convened here for a Blue Jackets game, dinner @ Boston's and some minor hoopla in a downtown hotel
This year was a little different - we had friends with a 4-week old baby, so they were out - another couple due in 3 months, so they were out - which left 3 (couples) of us. Plans went back and forth for weeks, but Chris had to work until 1 on Friday and it just wasn't going to be conducive for us to go anywhere. So, we got dressed up and braved Cheesecake at 7pm....I was fully expecting to have to wait for 2 hours, but we were in within 45 minutes. We enjoyed a yummy dinner and then tagged along with some friends to a party. We ended up leaving at 11 to come home, watched the ball drop with some champagne drank from our wedding flutes and being in bed shortly after. It was kind of nice to ring in the new year, just the two of us.
I've had 3 pretty "easy" weeks at work, as far as actual working days go - a 4 day week, then a 2.5 day week, and a 3-day week last week......so a full 5-day week this week is going to be killer.....not to mention that it's my end of month/ end of year, so it's going to be a busy one.
I did get back on track today with my mini training - 2.25 miles, outside - in about 22 minutes. It was COLD and WINDY today, so it was a hard run, and my new running gloves basically left me with frostbitten fingertips, but I got through it. Come February I'll be on an actual mini-training schedule, but until then I'm giving myself a little flexibility with distances and days ran to get myself back into it. I'm giving myself a goal of 10 miles/ week between now and 1/31, which I think is very doable.
Besides getting into a concrete schedule for the mini, the only other real goal I've made for myself is to cut out the gossip. At work, with people I know, with friends. I recently read an article in Cosmo....Glamour, maybe? talking about gossip, how easily it spreads, how nasty it can get - and an easy way to stop yourself from being a target (outside of not doing anything "gossip-worthy") is to not be a hub for gossip yourself. It's a hard goal, and I know it. But there's a quote out there..........another one to live by besides my one yesterday:
"Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people."
I also think this will help me with last year's goal of not living my life for other people....maybe if I quit being so concerned about everyone else, everyone else won't be so concerned about me and what I'm doing in MY life. It's an egocentric thought, I know - no one's world revolves around me. But the more I can just go about my business, with my loved ones, without the drama - the better.
Oh, and the Cowboys finished their dismal season at 6-10 with a just barely win over Philly today (their 2nd stringers, nonetheless), which is their worst in over 5 years....I'm already itching for next season....if there is one.
Happy 2011!!!!
Friday, December 31, 2010
2010 Resolutions: A Review
Well, friends, how did you do with last year's "resolutions"??
I say this with a little (okay maybe more than a little) sarcasm, because I buy so little into "New Years Resolutions." All week on facebook, and especially today, it's just so.......amusing? Annoying? Enlightening? ...to read what people say they WILL do.....starting tomorrow. What makes 1/1 so earth-shattering anyway? If you really want to stop eating all junk food, no more crap! no more fast food!, why wait til tomorrow? Just start today....it's not like that that resolution will actually hold up for more than a week. Can people do it? Sure. But all the people I know are just regular people looking for a healthier life.......and depriving yourself ALL the time of things you like just isn't healthy! But anyway. Ready to get the next 2 weeks over with so the gym will be back to normal (I've been running inside lately - except for today, it has been TOO wet and snowy outside to run outdoors!!)
So, a look back at my "goals" from last year, written on 1/5/10........
1. Improve my relationship with God: I'd say that I haven't accomplished this as much as I wanted to, but on a big upside, when I've made the effort, Chris has been in on the act, too. We've attended church together this year, and that's huge. It seems every single week this year brought new challenges and heartache, but the constant reminder to myself to "give it to God" has been a big comfort. This goal is ongoing and something I look forward to improving upon again this year.
2. Say "no" more often: at work, this definitely was accomplished! I have set some strict boundaries at work and am reaping the benefits of doing so. My boss respects me more, as do my coworkers. I probably still say "yes" more often than necessary, but who knew that saying "no" could be so gratifying?
3. Live my life for me.......another goal that is hard to put into black and white, but still one that I don't think I quite accomplished. I still think that, even at 27, I put too much stock into how others perceive me. It bothers me when I feel judged, and it bothers me when I think people are mad at me. This is probably something that won't ever change, but my need to please other people has slowed down some.........and I need to live by a good motto: "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
4. Run a mini-marathon: well, this didn't happen in 2010. But, I made some huge strides, hitting my longest run (6 miles) during the summer, and increasing my speed and endurance. Plus, I actually SIGNED UP for a mini in May of 2011, so it is something I definitely will achieve this year! 18 weeks, 1 day and counting! The training has already begun!
5. Write down one good thing everyday........definitely didn't write down something everyday.......but the overall goal of looking for the positive helped this year. There were some times that looking for the good things was the ONLY thing that kept me from getting too wrapped up in the bad & ugly. So.......another one to continue work on this year.
So, that's how I did. I've been thinking about some concrete, black & white goals to work towards in 2011, and I'll be putting pen to paper (or fingers to keys) in the next couple of days.
I hope everyone has a safe and fun New Year's tonight! It'll be the first one in a long time that we'll be by ourselves.........may be the first, if I think about it!
So long, 2010!
I say this with a little (okay maybe more than a little) sarcasm, because I buy so little into "New Years Resolutions." All week on facebook, and especially today, it's just so.......amusing? Annoying? Enlightening? ...to read what people say they WILL do.....starting tomorrow. What makes 1/1 so earth-shattering anyway? If you really want to stop eating all junk food, no more crap! no more fast food!, why wait til tomorrow? Just start today....it's not like that that resolution will actually hold up for more than a week. Can people do it? Sure. But all the people I know are just regular people looking for a healthier life.......and depriving yourself ALL the time of things you like just isn't healthy! But anyway. Ready to get the next 2 weeks over with so the gym will be back to normal (I've been running inside lately - except for today, it has been TOO wet and snowy outside to run outdoors!!)
So, a look back at my "goals" from last year, written on 1/5/10........
1. Improve my relationship with God: I'd say that I haven't accomplished this as much as I wanted to, but on a big upside, when I've made the effort, Chris has been in on the act, too. We've attended church together this year, and that's huge. It seems every single week this year brought new challenges and heartache, but the constant reminder to myself to "give it to God" has been a big comfort. This goal is ongoing and something I look forward to improving upon again this year.
2. Say "no" more often: at work, this definitely was accomplished! I have set some strict boundaries at work and am reaping the benefits of doing so. My boss respects me more, as do my coworkers. I probably still say "yes" more often than necessary, but who knew that saying "no" could be so gratifying?
3. Live my life for me.......another goal that is hard to put into black and white, but still one that I don't think I quite accomplished. I still think that, even at 27, I put too much stock into how others perceive me. It bothers me when I feel judged, and it bothers me when I think people are mad at me. This is probably something that won't ever change, but my need to please other people has slowed down some.........and I need to live by a good motto: "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
4. Run a mini-marathon: well, this didn't happen in 2010. But, I made some huge strides, hitting my longest run (6 miles) during the summer, and increasing my speed and endurance. Plus, I actually SIGNED UP for a mini in May of 2011, so it is something I definitely will achieve this year! 18 weeks, 1 day and counting! The training has already begun!
5. Write down one good thing everyday........definitely didn't write down something everyday.......but the overall goal of looking for the positive helped this year. There were some times that looking for the good things was the ONLY thing that kept me from getting too wrapped up in the bad & ugly. So.......another one to continue work on this year.
So, that's how I did. I've been thinking about some concrete, black & white goals to work towards in 2011, and I'll be putting pen to paper (or fingers to keys) in the next couple of days.
I hope everyone has a safe and fun New Year's tonight! It'll be the first one in a long time that we'll be by ourselves.........may be the first, if I think about it!
So long, 2010!
Friday, December 3, 2010
Unsettled
It has been a long week.
Right now, I don't feel good. My throat hurts, my ears hurt and I'm exhausted after this month end. I took Monday off for a vacation day, which was MUCH needed after the packed holiday weekend - but it made for hell for the rest of the 4 days. Our first snow event was between Wednesday and Thursday, we had a zillion new hires, and after a semi-major meeting (at my call) with my controller last week, it made for a fairly tense week with my boss this week (things are getting better though, I think). My boss and I had a meeting with ....well, that guy at work. Obviously our work relationship changed after everything happened, and it has caused nothing but problems between us work-wise. FORTUNATELY, we've both managed to keep it professional enough to not get ourselves fired..................even when I've wanted to kick his ass up one wall and down another. Between yesterday and today I put in about 24 hours at work. And it's not going to slow down anytime soon. At least I'm not bored.
I just watched Confessions of a Shopaholic. That movie is really cute but really makes you think..........I was just thinking about some "resolutions" for the new year, and one of them is getting rid of our credit cards. We don't have as much credit card debt as some (most is student loans), but there's enough, and we (me more than him) just need to quit. I'm going to come up with a plan.....
I've had baby fever BAD since last weekend........the......need? craving? intense want, desire? for a baby has been really hard to deal with. But I know this isn't the time OR place in our lives for one.......and I know there won't ever be a completely right time......but how will we know?
I need to get back to church. Every weekend I tell myself we'll go, and every weekend I find reasons to not go. I haven't ran consistently for awhile, and I'm running a freakin' mini marathon in about 20 weeks. I've gained weight since our vacation (about 10lbs out of the 25 I lost before).
Control. I'm taking it back. Now.
Right now, I don't feel good. My throat hurts, my ears hurt and I'm exhausted after this month end. I took Monday off for a vacation day, which was MUCH needed after the packed holiday weekend - but it made for hell for the rest of the 4 days. Our first snow event was between Wednesday and Thursday, we had a zillion new hires, and after a semi-major meeting (at my call) with my controller last week, it made for a fairly tense week with my boss this week (things are getting better though, I think). My boss and I had a meeting with ....well, that guy at work. Obviously our work relationship changed after everything happened, and it has caused nothing but problems between us work-wise. FORTUNATELY, we've both managed to keep it professional enough to not get ourselves fired..................even when I've wanted to kick his ass up one wall and down another. Between yesterday and today I put in about 24 hours at work. And it's not going to slow down anytime soon. At least I'm not bored.
I just watched Confessions of a Shopaholic. That movie is really cute but really makes you think..........I was just thinking about some "resolutions" for the new year, and one of them is getting rid of our credit cards. We don't have as much credit card debt as some (most is student loans), but there's enough, and we (me more than him) just need to quit. I'm going to come up with a plan.....
I've had baby fever BAD since last weekend........the......need? craving? intense want, desire? for a baby has been really hard to deal with. But I know this isn't the time OR place in our lives for one.......and I know there won't ever be a completely right time......but how will we know?
I need to get back to church. Every weekend I tell myself we'll go, and every weekend I find reasons to not go. I haven't ran consistently for awhile, and I'm running a freakin' mini marathon in about 20 weeks. I've gained weight since our vacation (about 10lbs out of the 25 I lost before).
Control. I'm taking it back. Now.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)