Is it really worth it?

Chris and I own some pretty expensive things.  TVs, computers, cell phones, jewelry.  But nothing is as expensive as the two pieces of paper that are currently still in their original holders from Ball State: our degrees from college.

I was very lucky and blessed that the only debt I had out of college was of my own decision.  A couple small credit cards (and one stolen which was a huge mess, but has since been taken care of) and that's it.  Chris wasn't so lucky.....we'll leave it at that.  Suffice it to say that thank GOD we both didn't have student loans coming out of college; we'd be living in a box.  Student loans, college, all of it - is a really frustrating situation.  Here we sit, and friends of mine sit, thinking we did the right thing - going to college, getting our degrees, getting "ahead."  HA.

I started seeing the effects of my decision to "get ahead" shortly after I graduated........I was passed up for an Assistant Manager position at a bank - the girl who got it ahead of me didn't have a college degree, but while I was sitting in classes for 4 years about business calculus, fundamentals of accounting & finance, marketing, management, history, art history, math, gym, IT, auditing, tax & nonprofit accounting, she was busy working 40 hours a week, getting that invaluable experience, and lo and behold - she ended up ahead of me.  I know friends who have faced the same thing since we've all graduated....working jobs that are entry level or barely above.........watching our degree-less friends advance within their careers and make double (or way more) money than we do.  And it frankly pisses me off.

We're going to have to make some pretty big financial decisions and moves in the next couple of months, and those are scary.  I know we're both fortunate to have good jobs (with only decent-ish pay, but whatever) and we could be a lot worse off than we are.  We've been careful in our planning of house buying/ baby making/ big purchase deciding since we've been married and it has, for the most part, paid off.  So far this year, we've paid off 3 credit cards and I'm now in full "snowballing" mode on any and everything else that I can.

But the question remains: were those 2 degrees worth it?  Worth the "experience" we traded in for them while in college, worth the seemingly insurmountable financial challenges they brought about the day we got those pieces of paper?

Right now.......I say no.

Unsettled

It has been a long week.

Right now, I don't feel good. My throat hurts, my ears hurt and I'm exhausted after this month end. I took Monday off for a vacation day, which was MUCH needed after the packed holiday weekend - but it made for hell for the rest of the 4 days. Our first snow event was between Wednesday and Thursday, we had a zillion new hires, and after a semi-major meeting (at my call) with my controller last week, it made for a fairly tense week with my boss this week (things are getting better though, I think). My boss and I had a meeting with ....well, that guy at work. Obviously our work relationship changed after everything happened, and it has caused nothing but problems between us work-wise. FORTUNATELY, we've both managed to keep it professional enough to not get ourselves fired..................even when I've wanted to kick his ass up one wall and down another. Between yesterday and today I put in about 24 hours at work. And it's not going to slow down anytime soon. At least I'm not bored.

I just watched Confessions of a Shopaholic. That movie is really cute but really makes you think..........I was just thinking about some "resolutions" for the new year, and one of them is getting rid of our credit cards. We don't have as much credit card debt as some (most is student loans), but there's enough, and we (me more than him) just need to quit. I'm going to come up with a plan.....

I've had baby fever BAD since last weekend........the......need? craving? intense want, desire? for a baby has been really hard to deal with. But I know this isn't the time OR place in our lives for one.......and I know there won't ever be a completely right time......but how will we know?

I need to get back to church. Every weekend I tell myself we'll go, and every weekend I find reasons to not go. I haven't ran consistently for awhile, and I'm running a freakin' mini marathon in about 20 weeks. I've gained weight since our vacation (about 10lbs out of the 25 I lost before).

Control. I'm taking it back. Now.

Two Years

Chris and I celebrated our 2nd anniversary 10 days ago. I should've blogged then. But for some reason, I find myself intimidated by blogging now. I don't know why! I don't have to record every breathing, living moment I have....but I think that since I was away for so long, I'm finding it hard to find the balance of catching up and moving on at the same time.

But for the moment - catch up. 2 years. Phew.

This past year of our marriage was probably the toughest year of my life. Major mistakes on my end, major hurt on Chris' end, major fights, arguments, yelling and ugliness on both sides. It wasn't a pretty year. And through no fault of Chris'. I disappointed a lot of people, whether or not they know the whole story, and that's almost as hard as what I put my 8-year relationship/ 2-year marriage with Chris through. Fortunately, though, the good thing about something so life-altering is that it shows you who matters in your life, and who doesn't. My family has absolutely blown me away with their support; friends, too. A lot has changed since 8/30/08, but I think I now can (cautiously) say that our relationship is back on track, moving forward, moving together, moving BETTER.

So our 2-year anniversary came and went without a lot of pomp and circumstance. I got Chris my usual 2 cards (one funny, one serious....plus a letter)....Chris got me a very pretty card and even wrote me a poem inside. We went out for Outback on the day of, and this past weekend, we just enjoyed being together and relaxing over the Labor Day holiday. We are planning on going down to Hocking Hills later in the fall to have a little more time to celebrate.

We did sign on for another year at our current apartment, and we did some things around the place over the weekend to make it feel more home-y. I'm really bad at creative type things, but always love going to friends' and families' houses that are well-decorated but still well-lived-in. So I'm trying.

So, moving forward. It has been a crazy and hectic couple of days. I love holidays, but the work just sits on my desk for the next work day. We are having a landline and new DSL installed on Friday in preparation for our DIRECTV to be installed next Wednesday (NFL Ticket!) and that has taken WAY too much of my time to get figured out, but it'll be worth it when I can throw things in my own house instead of in public during non-primetime Cowboys' games!

Money always creates some havoc or another in our lives, and I don't think that that will ever change. Frustrating nonetheless. Fortunately, my background in banking makes it to where no one can ever talk over my head about money, and that's a good thing.

Work is busy as ever. When final numbers came out for our maintenance season, my branch grew over 37% since this time last year. Any growth is good, but growth that large has been hard to manage. 37% growth means more staff and more equipment and more trucks, but still only 1 me, and it's tough. Fortunately, I still enjoy my job (96% of the time) and still learn something new everyday....and I enjoy being a part of one of the top performing branches in the company. Everyday presents new challenges, and it's FAR from an 8-5, Monday to Friday job (no smoke breaks, no recess breaks, if I even eat lunch it's at my desk while answering emails, the phone and doing the million things that come across my desk daily....in early, out late, in some weekends (more during snow)), but I can definitely say that I'm never bored! The account managers are well into renewals for 2011 and snow contracts are coming in by the truckload (ugh - that dirty word).

I've started "training" (via nikeplus.com) for a mini-marathon. It's hard for me to just go out and just RUN. I need to know how far I'm going. I need to have a plan. So this "coach" tells me how to far to run everyday, gives me exercises to do to complement the running I am doing, and lets me compete against myself, and set goals. I'm really glad that I have started to find running enjoyable. It gets my head cleared, and gets my body good and tired. My legs are stronger, my endurance is the highest its ever been, and I am feeling better in general. From March 7 to July 30 (when we left for vacation), I lost 25 pounds, and felt GREAT. Its been hard to get back into it, and I've gained about 3 pounds back. But I'm determined to get that 3 pounds off, plus about an extra 15 to get down to a weight I haven't been since the end of high school. It's a healthy weight for my height, and I've already started to see results - my cholesterol went down by about 30 points from March last year (yay!), and I may be able to go onto a lower dose antidepressant here soon.

Times are tough everywhere, for everyone it seems, STILL. But my aunt posted a great quote today: "God didn't bring me this far to just drop me off!" Something to remember when I can't quite take a step back to get a good look at the big picture.

Thank Goodness for....Insurance?

Random...

Tonight I went and had a routine prescription filled. A generic, 30-day prescription.

I paid $5.00 for it.

Had I not had insurance, it would have cost me $148.00. $148.00!!!

Things like that make me sad for the people who can't afford insurance, which means they definitely can't afford certain medications.

Every other week when I get paid I look at my insurance deduction and just sigh....because it's quite a little chunk that gets taken out before Uncle Sam gets his share. But thank goodness I have it!