I am exhausted. I am overwhelmed. I can't sleep. I am stressed out.
I can't catch nor keep up at work. Everyday flies by with barely time for bathroom breaks, let alone lunches away from my desk. I'm doing the work of 2 (at least) people, not to mention wearing the many hats of other positions at whatever time they're needed in the branch (Controller? Got it. Branch manager? On it. Operations/ Account Manager? Sure, why not).
I can't stay on top of my measly 1100 square foot house. There is always something. Laundry to do. Bathroom to clean. Floors to vacuum. Things to put away. Chris tells me to just relax, but I am becoming more like my mother everyday - I find it almost impossible to relax unless my surroundings are in a somewhat organized state.
I am trying to be healthier, but it's hard to have motivation to do anything after another 10-12 hour workday. I know it would help, but collapsing on the couch is about my only option at 4, 5, 6pm at night.
I am quickly unraveling and I am at a loss of what to do about it. Maybe going off the anti-anxiety/antidepressants last March (in hopes of an impending pregnancy) wasn't the greatest idea. I'm completely off balance.
Help!!! :(
Showing posts with label health. Show all posts
Showing posts with label health. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Friday Brain Dump, Vol 2.1
I forgot to mention a couple things last night!
6. I tried that new gym last Saturday. Loved it. A little bit of a hike from my house (about 8 miles but with traffic takes a good 20ish minutes.....if I go from work it's a shorter drive), but totally worth it for all the machines (probably 30 universal machines, 15 treadmills, 5 or 6 stairmasters and then probably another 10 ellipticals) PLUS all the classes are included (pilates, yoga [I did this class on Monday for an hour and had before forgotten how difficult yoga is for such a slow moving activity - I quickly remembered!], iron yoga, SPINNING!, zumba, hip hop), PLUS a sauna..........all for $20/ month. Yup. $20.
7. The weather this week in Columbus has been ridiculously nice. This time last year we were in the middle of a 3-event week (2/2-2/4, 2/4-2/7, 2/7-2/9), taking us up through event 17, and to date we've only had TEN. Amazing, and I LOVE IT. It has been so nice, in fact, that Wednesday evening, I got home from work, changed into SHORTS & a TSHIRT and ran outside. On February 1. Amazing.
8. Thursday, I was finally able to put back on my "regular sized" pants and not feel like I was being suffocated. For a couple of months now I've been in that uncomfortable weight range of being too big for my "normal" (still too big for my liking) pants and having to move up to the NEXT size, which, although a little big, were my only option since my normal pants weren't fitting. No more. Now moving back in the right direction. I think having the plague last week helped (ha), but for the most part, the change is coming back from my eating habits. Not eating out breakfast & lunch, or eating a good breakfast but skipping lunch which caused me to eat the entire house upon coming home.........it's all about balance people.
9. Got the "save the date" for Chris and mine's TENTH HS REUNION on Tuesday. It's July 28. Chris insists we're not going; we'll see. If we don't go, does that make time start going SLOWER!?!?!?!?
6. I tried that new gym last Saturday. Loved it. A little bit of a hike from my house (about 8 miles but with traffic takes a good 20ish minutes.....if I go from work it's a shorter drive), but totally worth it for all the machines (probably 30 universal machines, 15 treadmills, 5 or 6 stairmasters and then probably another 10 ellipticals) PLUS all the classes are included (pilates, yoga [I did this class on Monday for an hour and had before forgotten how difficult yoga is for such a slow moving activity - I quickly remembered!], iron yoga, SPINNING!, zumba, hip hop), PLUS a sauna..........all for $20/ month. Yup. $20.
7. The weather this week in Columbus has been ridiculously nice. This time last year we were in the middle of a 3-event week (2/2-2/4, 2/4-2/7, 2/7-2/9), taking us up through event 17, and to date we've only had TEN. Amazing, and I LOVE IT. It has been so nice, in fact, that Wednesday evening, I got home from work, changed into SHORTS & a TSHIRT and ran outside. On February 1. Amazing.
8. Thursday, I was finally able to put back on my "regular sized" pants and not feel like I was being suffocated. For a couple of months now I've been in that uncomfortable weight range of being too big for my "normal" (still too big for my liking) pants and having to move up to the NEXT size, which, although a little big, were my only option since my normal pants weren't fitting. No more. Now moving back in the right direction. I think having the plague last week helped (ha), but for the most part, the change is coming back from my eating habits. Not eating out breakfast & lunch, or eating a good breakfast but skipping lunch which caused me to eat the entire house upon coming home.........it's all about balance people.
9. Got the "save the date" for Chris and mine's TENTH HS REUNION on Tuesday. It's July 28. Chris insists we're not going; we'll see. If we don't go, does that make time start going SLOWER!?!?!?!?
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Decisions
Yesterday, I made a decision. I decided I was TIRED of being back in my non-skinny-ish pants....I was TIRED of looking through last year's pictures and being disgusted with my current self b/c I KNOW what it takes....I was TIRED of just feeling like CRAP.
So, yesterday, I did 3 things. I got about 50 oz of water in (not 64, but a lot more than I've been drinking recently), I put my running shoes on and ran (jogged) for 2.03 miles (further than I've ran anytime in the last month, and it was slow, but I did it) and lastly, instead of a little ice cream after dinner, I had a yogurt. Today was more of the same....more water during the day and just finished a quick (1.5 miles, but more painful than yesterday) run.
Getting back to it isn't easy - it's HARD. But I didn't get back to my current self overnight, so fixing it isn't going to happen overnight, either.
There is no magic number on the scale. Not for me. Last year, I thought there was, but as I lingered around the 10-pounds-away mark, I felt GOOD. I didn't feel like I was depriving myself (WHAT?! Still able to eat Olive Garden!?!? Yes. It's true. But instead of 3 breadsticks, a salad [which, by the way, by the bowl - THREE HUNDRED CALORIES] and a full meal, I'd have ONE breadstick, a couple bites of salad, and HALF my dinner [I'd immediately ask for a to-go box and box half of my meal as soon as it came out b/c I tend to pick at food if it's in front of me]? McDonalds? SURE! But instead of a large Big Mac meal, I'd order a Happy Meal), I had the highest cardio endurance I could remember, and I wasn't disgusted with myself in pictures.
I want to get back to that place. The place where all of my currently-2-sizes-too-small pants are back on my shelf that's in reach. The place where I don't cringe at a picture of myself. The place where I just. feel. better. about. myself.
That's all. As it gets colder outside and darker earlier, it's going to be hard to keep myself motivated. But as Chris and I continue talking about and trying to start a family, I need to start taking better of myself.
Wait. Let me rephrase.
".....I WILL start taking better care of myself."
Period.
So, yesterday, I did 3 things. I got about 50 oz of water in (not 64, but a lot more than I've been drinking recently), I put my running shoes on and ran (jogged) for 2.03 miles (further than I've ran anytime in the last month, and it was slow, but I did it) and lastly, instead of a little ice cream after dinner, I had a yogurt. Today was more of the same....more water during the day and just finished a quick (1.5 miles, but more painful than yesterday) run.
Getting back to it isn't easy - it's HARD. But I didn't get back to my current self overnight, so fixing it isn't going to happen overnight, either.
There is no magic number on the scale. Not for me. Last year, I thought there was, but as I lingered around the 10-pounds-away mark, I felt GOOD. I didn't feel like I was depriving myself (WHAT?! Still able to eat Olive Garden!?!? Yes. It's true. But instead of 3 breadsticks, a salad [which, by the way, by the bowl - THREE HUNDRED CALORIES] and a full meal, I'd have ONE breadstick, a couple bites of salad, and HALF my dinner [I'd immediately ask for a to-go box and box half of my meal as soon as it came out b/c I tend to pick at food if it's in front of me]? McDonalds? SURE! But instead of a large Big Mac meal, I'd order a Happy Meal), I had the highest cardio endurance I could remember, and I wasn't disgusted with myself in pictures.
I want to get back to that place. The place where all of my currently-2-sizes-too-small pants are back on my shelf that's in reach. The place where I don't cringe at a picture of myself. The place where I just. feel. better. about. myself.
That's all. As it gets colder outside and darker earlier, it's going to be hard to keep myself motivated. But as Chris and I continue talking about and trying to start a family, I need to start taking better of myself.
Wait. Let me rephrase.
".....I WILL start taking better care of myself."
Period.
Monday, March 21, 2011
3500 (calories)
Seriously, I envy those that can so eloquently put their thoughts into words. Me, I just ramble and ramble and ramble...........
Stalking a blog (Heir to Blair) that I found via my friend Ashley :) - I saw this quote that SHE had gotten from a blog that SHE liked. Very profound, but so very simple.
"How long does it take you to burn 500 calories? On a good day - 50 minutes. But how long does it take you to inadvertently eat 500 calories? If queso, chocolate, beer or any of our other favorites are involved - about 5 seconds."
Isn't THAT the truth?!?! Fortunately, running burns at a slightly higher rate than that, but not by much, and I don't run enough for the crap I for some reason can't stop putting in my body. Last spring/ summer I was doing so well, tracking every morsel that passed my lips. It WORKED!! I didn't have to deprive myself of ANYthing - literally - moderation, moderation, moderation.
I've got to get back on this wagon. I know that some of the weight I've put back on is to blame for some of my runs being harder on my legs. Plus, I just don't feel good about myself like I started to last year. Plus, I'd like to get (and keep) some off before we start trying for a baby! There are plenty of reasons to jump back on.
I just keep finding the ones to stay off.
I just found a great quote online (gosh, I love a good quote!): "Ninety-nine percent of the failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses."
Back on. Now.
Stalking a blog (Heir to Blair) that I found via my friend Ashley :) - I saw this quote that SHE had gotten from a blog that SHE liked. Very profound, but so very simple.
"How long does it take you to burn 500 calories? On a good day - 50 minutes. But how long does it take you to inadvertently eat 500 calories? If queso, chocolate, beer or any of our other favorites are involved - about 5 seconds."
Isn't THAT the truth?!?! Fortunately, running burns at a slightly higher rate than that, but not by much, and I don't run enough for the crap I for some reason can't stop putting in my body. Last spring/ summer I was doing so well, tracking every morsel that passed my lips. It WORKED!! I didn't have to deprive myself of ANYthing - literally - moderation, moderation, moderation.
I've got to get back on this wagon. I know that some of the weight I've put back on is to blame for some of my runs being harder on my legs. Plus, I just don't feel good about myself like I started to last year. Plus, I'd like to get (and keep) some off before we start trying for a baby! There are plenty of reasons to jump back on.
I just keep finding the ones to stay off.
I just found a great quote online (gosh, I love a good quote!): "Ninety-nine percent of the failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses."
Back on. Now.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Mini = 77 days away
January was a strong month for me. I didn't get 40 miles in as planned/ "resolved"....but I did get in about 25. I didn't beat myself over it, I was able to stick to my training schedule to a T. My viral/ bronchitis/ sinus/ CRAP hit about 3 weeks ago, though, and I was only able to run ONCE in that time......a whopping 1.5 miles this past Monday.
I vowed to myself to get back on track this week as the weather got nicer, and I did. Yesterday, my schedule called for a day of cross training and I was finally able to do my NYC Ballet video I ordered a couple weeks ago. IT. WAS. HARD. I had forgotten how strong I used to be when I danced!! Today, the schedule called for 50 minutes of running or 4 miles. I was a little wary, but I was determined to finish, and I did! In just under 47 minutes, which definitely is NOT going to break any speed records, but for basically being on hiatus for 3 weeks, I feel pretty good about it. One thing I really found out is that it's not my endurance that needs work - it's my leg strength. I need to figure out how to get some weight-bearing exercise in over the next 11 weeks so my legs (hips especially) gain strength and I don't end up crawling to the finish line on May 7!
At least the weather is getting nicer - I ADORE running outside in only 2 layers instead of 5! :)
I vowed to myself to get back on track this week as the weather got nicer, and I did. Yesterday, my schedule called for a day of cross training and I was finally able to do my NYC Ballet video I ordered a couple weeks ago. IT. WAS. HARD. I had forgotten how strong I used to be when I danced!! Today, the schedule called for 50 minutes of running or 4 miles. I was a little wary, but I was determined to finish, and I did! In just under 47 minutes, which definitely is NOT going to break any speed records, but for basically being on hiatus for 3 weeks, I feel pretty good about it. One thing I really found out is that it's not my endurance that needs work - it's my leg strength. I need to figure out how to get some weight-bearing exercise in over the next 11 weeks so my legs (hips especially) gain strength and I don't end up crawling to the finish line on May 7!
At least the weather is getting nicer - I ADORE running outside in only 2 layers instead of 5! :)
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Moles and miles
I suck at coming up with good "titles" for these things....and this one is especially awful. Sorry.... :)
So, the last week or so has been......rough. Some personal challenges Chris & I are trying to work through, and last week was definitely one of those where it was hard to be away from my mom and friends. Sometimes, having only Chris is hard.....and that in turn sometimes makes it hard to not kill him. (I joke!) But, in all seriousness, I really have to be thankful that we've overcome some of the obstacles that we have, when all we have here in Columbus is each other. Parents and friends and siblings are nowhere close enough to be able to "run" to, so we either talk it out or steam in silence 2 rooms away from each other. So.................anyway. Marriage is definitely a journey.............
Last Wednesday, I finally went to a dermatology appointment that I had put off twice. Calling me a chicken? You'd be right. I had 5 moles removed - 3 because I've hated them all my life, and 2 because the doctor was (slightly) suspicious of them. The 3 that I wanted gone he just "shaved" off (ew), but the 2 he wanted to do more research on, he "punched" out. It almost makes me gag to even think about it, so google it or something. But suffice it to say that both needed stitches, and I almost fainted while lying down. I got through it, by myself, even though I wanted my mom, and I go back to have stitches out tomorrow (the one at my hairline) and Monday (on my arm). Sick. Glad to have it over with. And is it bad that my boss needed a picture of me for a bio for a client....and I took a look at it.....and my first thought was, "DANG I need a tan!"???? Bad, bad, bad!
Today, I hit a new personal best - 3.03 miles in 29:40 minutes. First time I've ran 3 miles in under 30 minutes in a LONG time, and I'm really proud of myself. I didn't really run last week with all the bandages I was dealing with and the general pain in the ass they all were, so I think I'm going to fall a little short of my 30 miles ran by 1/30. I'm about 11 miles away, and I still have 4 days.............hmmmm. We'll see. But at any rate, I was pretty pleased with myself today :)
Well, tomorrow marks day 3 of month-end week, and it snowed today - so that's going to make the next 3 days crazy. I need a shower and bed, stat! (Thanks to a rerun of Grey's Anatomy I'm currently watching) :) :) :)
So, the last week or so has been......rough. Some personal challenges Chris & I are trying to work through, and last week was definitely one of those where it was hard to be away from my mom and friends. Sometimes, having only Chris is hard.....and that in turn sometimes makes it hard to not kill him. (I joke!) But, in all seriousness, I really have to be thankful that we've overcome some of the obstacles that we have, when all we have here in Columbus is each other. Parents and friends and siblings are nowhere close enough to be able to "run" to, so we either talk it out or steam in silence 2 rooms away from each other. So.................anyway. Marriage is definitely a journey.............
Last Wednesday, I finally went to a dermatology appointment that I had put off twice. Calling me a chicken? You'd be right. I had 5 moles removed - 3 because I've hated them all my life, and 2 because the doctor was (slightly) suspicious of them. The 3 that I wanted gone he just "shaved" off (ew), but the 2 he wanted to do more research on, he "punched" out. It almost makes me gag to even think about it, so google it or something. But suffice it to say that both needed stitches, and I almost fainted while lying down. I got through it, by myself, even though I wanted my mom, and I go back to have stitches out tomorrow (the one at my hairline) and Monday (on my arm). Sick. Glad to have it over with. And is it bad that my boss needed a picture of me for a bio for a client....and I took a look at it.....and my first thought was, "DANG I need a tan!"???? Bad, bad, bad!
Today, I hit a new personal best - 3.03 miles in 29:40 minutes. First time I've ran 3 miles in under 30 minutes in a LONG time, and I'm really proud of myself. I didn't really run last week with all the bandages I was dealing with and the general pain in the ass they all were, so I think I'm going to fall a little short of my 30 miles ran by 1/30. I'm about 11 miles away, and I still have 4 days.............hmmmm. We'll see. But at any rate, I was pretty pleased with myself today :)
Well, tomorrow marks day 3 of month-end week, and it snowed today - so that's going to make the next 3 days crazy. I need a shower and bed, stat! (Thanks to a rerun of Grey's Anatomy I'm currently watching) :) :) :)
Friday, January 8, 2010
TGIF!
I'm sharing an annoyance........
I understand why this happens, but it still doesn't stop me from being annoyed by it. I may not be the skinniest person on the planet, nor am I the most in-shape, but it never fails to irk me when a person who weighs....considerably....more than me (I'm being as nice as possible here) brags about losing 10 pounds in 5 days after they've jumped on the working-out/ not-eating-crap train. Again, I know why this is, and I couldn't tell you what I weighed right now if you paid me to (I don't even own a scale; my "goals" are more 'how-my-jeans-fit' related), but as much emphasis as everyone puts on weight, what a cool thing to say: "I lost 10 pounds!" Okay, okay. 10 pounds in 5 days = not healthy. In that case, water weight. But still.
Deep breath.
Okay, onto positive things. Yesterday's good thing: I learned soemthing new! With the snowstorm we had yesterday, I stayed at the office a lot longer than I would have liked to avoid being on the roads, and I had to get away from my desk for a minute. So, I went outside to help one of the OMs shovel, and he refused to let me.....but he said he would train me on the Bobcat to clear our parking lot. It wasn't that hard, but took a lot of coordination.....and after about 12 hours at my desk, I didn't really have that much of it. But, I got it accomplished and I felt pretty proud of myself! I think I'll stick to the paperwork on my desk, though....even though right now it feels never ending (55 hours this week and still have to go in tomorrow....)!
Tomorrow is a big day...................the Cowboys clinched the NFC East for the 2nd time in 3 years last week, but they haven't won a playoff game since 1996. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but man oh MAN....would I LOVE LOVE LOVE to see them beat the Eagles tomorrow night (for the 3rd time this season!) Anyone who reads this knows me and I'm a little....high-wired about the Cowboys....and if they know me any better than that, know that I'll spend the good part of tomorrow thinking about this game. Oh well....there are worse things to be excited about!
Happy Friday!
I understand why this happens, but it still doesn't stop me from being annoyed by it. I may not be the skinniest person on the planet, nor am I the most in-shape, but it never fails to irk me when a person who weighs....considerably....more than me (I'm being as nice as possible here) brags about losing 10 pounds in 5 days after they've jumped on the working-out/ not-eating-crap train. Again, I know why this is, and I couldn't tell you what I weighed right now if you paid me to (I don't even own a scale; my "goals" are more 'how-my-jeans-fit' related), but as much emphasis as everyone puts on weight, what a cool thing to say: "I lost 10 pounds!" Okay, okay. 10 pounds in 5 days = not healthy. In that case, water weight. But still.
Deep breath.
Okay, onto positive things. Yesterday's good thing: I learned soemthing new! With the snowstorm we had yesterday, I stayed at the office a lot longer than I would have liked to avoid being on the roads, and I had to get away from my desk for a minute. So, I went outside to help one of the OMs shovel, and he refused to let me.....but he said he would train me on the Bobcat to clear our parking lot. It wasn't that hard, but took a lot of coordination.....and after about 12 hours at my desk, I didn't really have that much of it. But, I got it accomplished and I felt pretty proud of myself! I think I'll stick to the paperwork on my desk, though....even though right now it feels never ending (55 hours this week and still have to go in tomorrow....)!
Tomorrow is a big day...................the Cowboys clinched the NFC East for the 2nd time in 3 years last week, but they haven't won a playoff game since 1996. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but man oh MAN....would I LOVE LOVE LOVE to see them beat the Eagles tomorrow night (for the 3rd time this season!) Anyone who reads this knows me and I'm a little....high-wired about the Cowboys....and if they know me any better than that, know that I'll spend the good part of tomorrow thinking about this game. Oh well....there are worse things to be excited about!
Happy Friday!
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