I'm going to be an aunt in June. Hopefully this time around it is a better outcome than the last (as opposed to a miscarriage at 9 weeks, fetus was only 3 weeks)....but today they finally heard and saw the heartbeat and the baby is measuring at 6 weeks (although the calendar says about 9 weeks).
I heard the news from Chris and I burst into tears. And didn't stop crying for a good half hour. Fortunately, she knows how I feel and is sympathetic to what I'm going through and didn't call me this time. I did text her. I'm excited for her, but I am devastated for me.
I am a horrible, horrible person.
This isn't fair. I don't want to adopt a baby. I want my OWN. I was put on this earth to be a Mom. And not a Mom of someone else's baby, my own. I want a little piece of Chris and me walking around.
I'm just asking for one. That's all I want. I won't be greedy and ask for a 2nd one.
Just one happy, healthy baby. That's all I want. All I can think about.
I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of thinking about it. Tired of that sinking feeling in my heart everytime I see another baby picture or announcement on facebook, tired of feeling like an awful person b/c the first feeling I feel isn't happiness, it's sheer & utter jealousy and wanting.
But I can't help it. I wonder at what point it's time to just hang it up for awhile.
I don't know. I'm just sad. And I'm tired of saying "I'll be okay." or "I'll be fine."
Because I'm not. I'm not okay. I'm not fine.
Showing posts with label babies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label babies. Show all posts
Friday, October 19, 2012
Thursday, October 18, 2012
I don't even.
I always have such good intentions of writing in here.....interesting things do happen to me on occasion.....but I just never do. And then I'm stuck trying to shove the last month of my life into one novelish blog for posterity. It doesn't work.
Let's see. My life in the last month?
Hertz (car rentals) gave me, possibly, the most horrible customer service experience imaginable last weekend. I highly do NOT recommend them. Even if you have to walk to get where you're going b/c they're the last cars on earth, don't do it. Awful.
I have no branch manager at my work until mid January. He was picked to be part of a team set up by our new CEO (for the first time in over 70 years, a Brickman is not holding that position) to evaluate parts of our business, and is traveling Mondays through Thursdays, and working from home Fridays. So - that hasn't been fun. I really do enjoy working for my boss, and with him, and since our offices are separated by only a set of French doors that are normally open, I'm actually kind of lonely without him around! I'm also afraid he's never coming back..........lots of drama in the 10 days since hes been gone, and I just don't know. I'm anxious to see what will happen in the next 6 to 12 months, and what will change. This new CEO does not mess around, and I think a lot of the old processes and rules will be out the door. But until then.....operations has support, sales has support, and poor me just has to hang in there. (Feel sorry for me yet?)
Thanksgiving is 5 weeks from today. What????
Cowboys are 2-3 and I'm disgusted by them. I'm picking against them for the rest of the year.
But at least the Cardinals are in the postseason and are just 2 games away from another WS appearance. Go Redbirds!
And this baby business. I don't even know. It has been a very rough couple of days. I was supposed to start Friday. Nothing Friday. Nothing Saturday. Nothing Sunday morning. I would've gotten my hopes up, except my routine bloodwork last month showed my progesterone levels dropped from 20 to 9.7. Nevertheless, I was still sad when I did start......and then Monday was just AWFUL. A good friend/ sorority sister/ former roommate had her baby girl Sunday night. Another longtime friend (think since 2nd grade) had her baby boy Monday afternoon. I broke down no less than 4x at work on Monday....I just couldn't get a grip (seriously, get a GRIP).
It's not that I'm not happy for my friends (those 2 + the 4 other friends [yes, I'm dead serious, 6 total friends with babies since Sunday]), but I just want a baby SO BADLY. Chris & I are READY. We are stable. We will love a child SO much. I want my parents to know the joy of being grandparents. And it's just not fair. 14 months have gone by. I should have a 5 month old in my arms right now, but I don't. Every month I just count up another month........at this point we're talking July baby, but I'm not holding my breath for that either........I'm off Clomid for the next 2 months to give my body a break (thank you sweet Jesus), and then December we start Clomid + IUI. We'll see. It's hard though - so hard. I just don't understand how other people can make it so EASY. It's just biology....science has to take over eventually, right??
So anyway - it'll be nice to not have to deal with the hot flashes and mood swings with Clomid this month, but I'm also not too sure how high my chances really are, so just trying to hang in there. Pray for us, please. It is so HARD to just not know.....I'd never wish for a miscarriage, ever, but then at least I'd have some clue that my body knew what it is SUPPOSED to be doing. At this point, the what-ifs start to take over.
Outside of that.......trying to not let babies take over our life........getting back into running - ran a 5K with Mom on Saturday - wanted to run a 10:00 pace and ran about a 10:40 which I wasn't too unhappy with. On the upside of these next two months, hopefully I can get myself back into a decent shape and get some of these pounds off. It can only help. :-/
Oh. And November 6 is only 19 days away. It cannot come soon enough. People + politics + social media. Always a good time.
Let's see. My life in the last month?
Hertz (car rentals) gave me, possibly, the most horrible customer service experience imaginable last weekend. I highly do NOT recommend them. Even if you have to walk to get where you're going b/c they're the last cars on earth, don't do it. Awful.
I have no branch manager at my work until mid January. He was picked to be part of a team set up by our new CEO (for the first time in over 70 years, a Brickman is not holding that position) to evaluate parts of our business, and is traveling Mondays through Thursdays, and working from home Fridays. So - that hasn't been fun. I really do enjoy working for my boss, and with him, and since our offices are separated by only a set of French doors that are normally open, I'm actually kind of lonely without him around! I'm also afraid he's never coming back..........lots of drama in the 10 days since hes been gone, and I just don't know. I'm anxious to see what will happen in the next 6 to 12 months, and what will change. This new CEO does not mess around, and I think a lot of the old processes and rules will be out the door. But until then.....operations has support, sales has support, and poor me just has to hang in there. (Feel sorry for me yet?)
Thanksgiving is 5 weeks from today. What????
Cowboys are 2-3 and I'm disgusted by them. I'm picking against them for the rest of the year.
But at least the Cardinals are in the postseason and are just 2 games away from another WS appearance. Go Redbirds!
And this baby business. I don't even know. It has been a very rough couple of days. I was supposed to start Friday. Nothing Friday. Nothing Saturday. Nothing Sunday morning. I would've gotten my hopes up, except my routine bloodwork last month showed my progesterone levels dropped from 20 to 9.7. Nevertheless, I was still sad when I did start......and then Monday was just AWFUL. A good friend/ sorority sister/ former roommate had her baby girl Sunday night. Another longtime friend (think since 2nd grade) had her baby boy Monday afternoon. I broke down no less than 4x at work on Monday....I just couldn't get a grip (seriously, get a GRIP).
It's not that I'm not happy for my friends (those 2 + the 4 other friends [yes, I'm dead serious, 6 total friends with babies since Sunday]), but I just want a baby SO BADLY. Chris & I are READY. We are stable. We will love a child SO much. I want my parents to know the joy of being grandparents. And it's just not fair. 14 months have gone by. I should have a 5 month old in my arms right now, but I don't. Every month I just count up another month........at this point we're talking July baby, but I'm not holding my breath for that either........I'm off Clomid for the next 2 months to give my body a break (thank you sweet Jesus), and then December we start Clomid + IUI. We'll see. It's hard though - so hard. I just don't understand how other people can make it so EASY. It's just biology....science has to take over eventually, right??
So anyway - it'll be nice to not have to deal with the hot flashes and mood swings with Clomid this month, but I'm also not too sure how high my chances really are, so just trying to hang in there. Pray for us, please. It is so HARD to just not know.....I'd never wish for a miscarriage, ever, but then at least I'd have some clue that my body knew what it is SUPPOSED to be doing. At this point, the what-ifs start to take over.
Outside of that.......trying to not let babies take over our life........getting back into running - ran a 5K with Mom on Saturday - wanted to run a 10:00 pace and ran about a 10:40 which I wasn't too unhappy with. On the upside of these next two months, hopefully I can get myself back into a decent shape and get some of these pounds off. It can only help. :-/
Oh. And November 6 is only 19 days away. It cannot come soon enough. People + politics + social media. Always a good time.
Saturday, May 5, 2012
It's Hard.
It's hard.
It's hard when a member of your family calls you with another piece of cool news about the impending arrival of your niece or nephew (in ~ 6.5 months) ((in this case, her blood type makes it necessary to run certain tests at her first appointment, one of which can tell the sex of the baby with 100% certainty at 12 weeks)).
It's hard getting on facebook and yet another friend, sorority sister, family acquaintance, has announced their happy news.
It's hard walking through a store and past the baby section knowing you have no place there yet.
It's hard walking ANYWHERE and watching someone that is 10 years your junior push her child(ren) through the mall, store, parking lot.............no ring on her finger, none of the kids dressed appropriately for the current weather, tattoos & piercings EVERYWHERE, smoking, as she yells at one of the kids to SHUT THE HELL UP. (Seriously, how are people like that allowed to reproduce?)
It's hard knowing that for once in your life you can't gloat that you were right. Everyone whose been telling us for 9 months now to "just relax and that it'll happen in its own time" is full of crap and I can't even be happy that everyone has been WRONG. Results came back from my bloodwork last Monday and as I KNEW, a level is off (progesterone). So..........what does that mean? Next cycle: Clomid. Keeping fingers crossed. And hoping that someday very soon, that 2% of me that is selfish and self-pitying and just generally not nice will no longer have a place in my head & heart.
It's hard when a member of your family calls you with another piece of cool news about the impending arrival of your niece or nephew (in ~ 6.5 months) ((in this case, her blood type makes it necessary to run certain tests at her first appointment, one of which can tell the sex of the baby with 100% certainty at 12 weeks)).
It's hard getting on facebook and yet another friend, sorority sister, family acquaintance, has announced their happy news.
It's hard walking through a store and past the baby section knowing you have no place there yet.
It's hard walking ANYWHERE and watching someone that is 10 years your junior push her child(ren) through the mall, store, parking lot.............no ring on her finger, none of the kids dressed appropriately for the current weather, tattoos & piercings EVERYWHERE, smoking, as she yells at one of the kids to SHUT THE HELL UP. (Seriously, how are people like that allowed to reproduce?)
It's hard knowing that for once in your life you can't gloat that you were right. Everyone whose been telling us for 9 months now to "just relax and that it'll happen in its own time" is full of crap and I can't even be happy that everyone has been WRONG. Results came back from my bloodwork last Monday and as I KNEW, a level is off (progesterone). So..........what does that mean? Next cycle: Clomid. Keeping fingers crossed. And hoping that someday very soon, that 2% of me that is selfish and self-pitying and just generally not nice will no longer have a place in my head & heart.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Ducks
No, not the cute little "quack quack" ducks that you see at the park and feed bread to.
The ducks I speak of are all of the little things that have to be in some kind of order to make any kind of freaking decision or life changing move.
For instance - buying a house. Not only do we need to time it right with the end of our lease (God knows we don't need to be paying to live in 2 places at once), but we have to, oh yeah, FIND the place. Is it in a good neighborhood? Good schools (we're staying out of Columbus schools)? Taxes ok? Does it have a 2 car garage or only 1? Is it bigger than 1200 square feet? B/c we have a LOT of stuff. Basement? Basements are okay if the walls aren't bowing in. How old's the water heater? AC? Roof? So we find the place. Great. Make an offer. Get it inspected. Get it appraised. Do the paperwork. And oh yeah, even if we're lucky enough to find a house with sellers willing to help with closing costs, we need to show a lot of money in the el banco.
Having a baby. For something so little, they sure require a lot of prior thinking (or should require prior thinking....half of what's wrong with the world if you ask me, but that's a whole other conversation). If we got pregnant now, when would my maternity leave kick in? (April, by the way, in case you were wondering - right at the end of snow and beginning of mulch season. Yes please!! :)) Daycare expenses......baby STUFF.......would our parents be able to make it over here in time? We (I) say we're ready now, but are we really? Am I really ready to give up sleeping in on weekends? Going out to eat as often as we do (which isn't often to begin with)? Being able to grocery shop on a whim at 11pm on Saturdays so that our Sundays are free to sit by the pool? What about us? Are we ok? We've been through a lot in the last 34 months and some-weeks of marriage, but we seem to have made it out on the other side tested by fire and stronger because of it.
What if we get a house, have a baby, and all of a sudden Chris or I's job moves? Or we have to/ need to move closer to our parents (God forbid)?
I wish there was something I could do to keep my head from spinning with all of this. A day doesn't go by that I'm not thinking of babies in SOME way.....either a friend is having one (2 friends in the last week, probably a dozen already this year if I counted!), another friend is finding out they're having one (or a cousin - found out my cousin Kristi is pregnant with Baby #2! Ava, who will be 2 this September, is going to be a big sister!), I'm organizing showers for someone, stupid pregnancy tests come on TV EVERY OTHER COMMERCIAL, books and clothes and toys and magazines are all but screaming: "HAVE A BABY!" - Mind you, though, it's not all of these things pressuring me into thinking we're ready. I really and truly do feel like this is it....this is our time to create a little person and be parents. But sheesh - talk about information overload.
Houses - we've been in someway searching or looking at houses for about a month now, and there is just so MUCH. So much to think about and ask about and talk about. Pros and cons. Good points & bad points. What can't we live without, and what can we live with?
Can I just move back home with my parents? Is it too late for that?
If so, time to go curl up in fetal position somewhere......
The ducks I speak of are all of the little things that have to be in some kind of order to make any kind of freaking decision or life changing move.
For instance - buying a house. Not only do we need to time it right with the end of our lease (God knows we don't need to be paying to live in 2 places at once), but we have to, oh yeah, FIND the place. Is it in a good neighborhood? Good schools (we're staying out of Columbus schools)? Taxes ok? Does it have a 2 car garage or only 1? Is it bigger than 1200 square feet? B/c we have a LOT of stuff. Basement? Basements are okay if the walls aren't bowing in. How old's the water heater? AC? Roof? So we find the place. Great. Make an offer. Get it inspected. Get it appraised. Do the paperwork. And oh yeah, even if we're lucky enough to find a house with sellers willing to help with closing costs, we need to show a lot of money in the el banco.
Having a baby. For something so little, they sure require a lot of prior thinking (or should require prior thinking....half of what's wrong with the world if you ask me, but that's a whole other conversation). If we got pregnant now, when would my maternity leave kick in? (April, by the way, in case you were wondering - right at the end of snow and beginning of mulch season. Yes please!! :)) Daycare expenses......baby STUFF.......would our parents be able to make it over here in time? We (I) say we're ready now, but are we really? Am I really ready to give up sleeping in on weekends? Going out to eat as often as we do (which isn't often to begin with)? Being able to grocery shop on a whim at 11pm on Saturdays so that our Sundays are free to sit by the pool? What about us? Are we ok? We've been through a lot in the last 34 months and some-weeks of marriage, but we seem to have made it out on the other side tested by fire and stronger because of it.
What if we get a house, have a baby, and all of a sudden Chris or I's job moves? Or we have to/ need to move closer to our parents (God forbid)?
I wish there was something I could do to keep my head from spinning with all of this. A day doesn't go by that I'm not thinking of babies in SOME way.....either a friend is having one (2 friends in the last week, probably a dozen already this year if I counted!), another friend is finding out they're having one (or a cousin - found out my cousin Kristi is pregnant with Baby #2! Ava, who will be 2 this September, is going to be a big sister!), I'm organizing showers for someone, stupid pregnancy tests come on TV EVERY OTHER COMMERCIAL, books and clothes and toys and magazines are all but screaming: "HAVE A BABY!" - Mind you, though, it's not all of these things pressuring me into thinking we're ready. I really and truly do feel like this is it....this is our time to create a little person and be parents. But sheesh - talk about information overload.
Houses - we've been in someway searching or looking at houses for about a month now, and there is just so MUCH. So much to think about and ask about and talk about. Pros and cons. Good points & bad points. What can't we live without, and what can we live with?
Can I just move back home with my parents? Is it too late for that?
If so, time to go curl up in fetal position somewhere......
Friday, June 24, 2011
Random Randoms
Its been awhile since I updated last. My apologies. I have no idea what I accomplished in the time since I've written last. How is it already June 24? Does anyone realize that on the other side of 6 months from now, it'll be Christmas EVE!?!?!
Work is insane and tedious and exciting and busy and slow all at the same time. I can't believe I've been at my new branch for almost 2 months now. I guess time flies when you're still trying to figure out what happened at your branch for the prior 8 months since your predecessor did NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING. Seriously - still paying salt and snow invoices. Fortunately, I ADORE my boss and (98% of) my new co-workers. There's always that ONE PERSON.....
Lots of things are being discussed and decided and figured out and planned in the King household right now. Our apartment, which we've lived in since October of 2009, 's lease ends 10/31 of this year and we won't be renewing our lease. Not that we don't like our apartment.....we don't LOVE it, but it just doesn't have enough space. Whether we rent another apartment, rent a house, build a house (although I think that's now the bottom possibility) or buy a house, we'll definitely be moving later this fall. I actually lined up an appointment for us to talk to a mortgage lender the week of 4th of July to see what our options are. Surprisingly enough (ha), we don't just have 5% of house sitting around, so we'll have to get creative with a down payment. And from my brief discussion with the lender on Wednesday night, we probably make too much money (insert rolling laughter here) to get any help from the government. We'll see.
Our 3rd anniversary (?!??!??) is coming up in a few short months, and with that, EVERYbody (and I mean EVERYbody) is interested in our baby plans. Trust me, folks, it is almost a daily discussion, and it doesn't seem like we really know when a little King will make its way into the world. We are in that mode of talking about it but then taking a step back and panicking at everything that would change, at everything that would be different. I know everyone says that you just adapt and your life only changes for the better, but I admit that I know Chris is scared, and so am I. I feel like I should still be in college. How did I get to be almost 28?!?!??? At any rate, plans are in the works. I don't know how concrete they are, but we're already thinking ahead. I'll leave it at that.
Thank God it's Friday!!! We get to go see Billy Gardell (Mike off of Mike & Molly) tomorrow night in downtown Columbus, and I'm stoked. Not only is he HILARIOUS (we've seen him live before), but Chris and I have been working such long and hard hours it'll be nice to do something a little different than dinner out and then in bed by 10 on Saturday night.
Oh the exciting life we lead..................
Work is insane and tedious and exciting and busy and slow all at the same time. I can't believe I've been at my new branch for almost 2 months now. I guess time flies when you're still trying to figure out what happened at your branch for the prior 8 months since your predecessor did NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING. Seriously - still paying salt and snow invoices. Fortunately, I ADORE my boss and (98% of) my new co-workers. There's always that ONE PERSON.....
Lots of things are being discussed and decided and figured out and planned in the King household right now. Our apartment, which we've lived in since October of 2009, 's lease ends 10/31 of this year and we won't be renewing our lease. Not that we don't like our apartment.....we don't LOVE it, but it just doesn't have enough space. Whether we rent another apartment, rent a house, build a house (although I think that's now the bottom possibility) or buy a house, we'll definitely be moving later this fall. I actually lined up an appointment for us to talk to a mortgage lender the week of 4th of July to see what our options are. Surprisingly enough (ha), we don't just have 5% of house sitting around, so we'll have to get creative with a down payment. And from my brief discussion with the lender on Wednesday night, we probably make too much money (insert rolling laughter here) to get any help from the government. We'll see.
Our 3rd anniversary (?!??!??) is coming up in a few short months, and with that, EVERYbody (and I mean EVERYbody) is interested in our baby plans. Trust me, folks, it is almost a daily discussion, and it doesn't seem like we really know when a little King will make its way into the world. We are in that mode of talking about it but then taking a step back and panicking at everything that would change, at everything that would be different. I know everyone says that you just adapt and your life only changes for the better, but I admit that I know Chris is scared, and so am I. I feel like I should still be in college. How did I get to be almost 28?!?!??? At any rate, plans are in the works. I don't know how concrete they are, but we're already thinking ahead. I'll leave it at that.
Thank God it's Friday!!! We get to go see Billy Gardell (Mike off of Mike & Molly) tomorrow night in downtown Columbus, and I'm stoked. Not only is he HILARIOUS (we've seen him live before), but Chris and I have been working such long and hard hours it'll be nice to do something a little different than dinner out and then in bed by 10 on Saturday night.
Oh the exciting life we lead..................
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Chicago and Benjamin
What a fun weekend! Chris had a NAVL conference in Chicago (National American Van Lines) this weekend (well, Lombard, just outside Chicago), and the owners of his company were nice enough to let him get a rental car instead of just flying him up there, so I got to go! We left on Thursday afternoon, stopped in Indy to see baby Colin Isom and his mama and daddy, and then stayed in Crown Point (north of Lafayette) that night. Friday, we drove the last hour to Lombard where we stayed at a Westin - SO nice! Chris was in meetings and seminars all afternoon Friday and then all day Saturday, but I was able to sleep, swim, hang out in the hot tub, and do some shopping right across the street. The drive back today definitely sucked, but thankfully we got to break it up a little when we stopped in Carmel to see the newest addition to the Weishaar family! Blake & his wife Katie just welcomed little Benjamin David on Thursday, and he is a CUTIE! They had just gotten home when we were coming through town, but they insisted we stop by. A cute new baby to hold? Yes please! Blake & Chris are Sigma Chi brothers (both were in each other's weddings), so it's really neat to become "proxy" aunt and uncles to the little ones that his friends (and mine!) are bringing into the world. Katie's mom commented that I had a real knack for getting Ben to sleep - ha! I attempted to swaddle him in a warm blanket and then held him up close to me, which means he had plenty of "cushioning" to rest up against! Besides that though, I would have to agree :-) New babies always spike my baby fever - I spent the better part of the drive from Indy to Columbus trying to convince Chris we should have a baby. Now. :) (It hasn't worked, in case you're wondering)! Well, I'm worn OUT. This weather is enough to get anyone sick, and I am EXHAUSTED. Come ON Spring - get here and STAY here!
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
This Time 9 Months Ago.....
Seriously, was there something in the air? Something in the water? This day 9 months ago.....let's see. May 8. Nothing too special about May 8. Perhaps the spring air? Indy 500 getting people excited?
Haha. I know a LOT of people that are having babies right now. Or just had babies. Let's count.
AOII sisters:
Laura - just had little Blake last week
Mckenzie - expecting their little Emma anyday!
Kim - apparently one good contraction-stopping medicine away from delivering their baby (sex unknown!)
High School friends:
Wendy - a really good friend that was in guard with me - Braylee was born today!
Family:
Courtney (cousin) - just welcomed Miss Lachlan Rae into the world a couple of weeks ago
I really feel like there are more than that out there. Babies are everywhere. EVERY. WHERE. No, not in this girl's uterus. Not right now. Not yet. But I will say...........we're planning......and checking some things off........maybe not SOON soon....but soon-ish? We'll see!
Kay, that's all.
Oh, except for the fact that Justin Bieber's movie is coming out this weekend. Gag. Isn't it like his "true story" or whatever? Sickening. How much real life have you really experienced in 15 years? Or 17? Or however old he is. Not a fan. In fact, my fave commercial from the Super Bowl was Jack Osborne's answer to dad Ozzy's question "What's a Bieber?"
"I don't know, but it looked like a girl."
Haha. I know a LOT of people that are having babies right now. Or just had babies. Let's count.
AOII sisters:
Laura - just had little Blake last week
Mckenzie - expecting their little Emma anyday!
Kim - apparently one good contraction-stopping medicine away from delivering their baby (sex unknown!)
High School friends:
Wendy - a really good friend that was in guard with me - Braylee was born today!
Family:
Courtney (cousin) - just welcomed Miss Lachlan Rae into the world a couple of weeks ago
I really feel like there are more than that out there. Babies are everywhere. EVERY. WHERE. No, not in this girl's uterus. Not right now. Not yet. But I will say...........we're planning......and checking some things off........maybe not SOON soon....but soon-ish? We'll see!
Kay, that's all.
Oh, except for the fact that Justin Bieber's movie is coming out this weekend. Gag. Isn't it like his "true story" or whatever? Sickening. How much real life have you really experienced in 15 years? Or 17? Or however old he is. Not a fan. In fact, my fave commercial from the Super Bowl was Jack Osborne's answer to dad Ozzy's question "What's a Bieber?"
"I don't know, but it looked like a girl."
Friday, January 21, 2011
Excuse me while I step up on my soapbox
You have to have a license (or be of a certain age) to do a lot of things.
You have to be 16 to get your license, and you have to have a license to drive.
You have to be 18 to buy cigarettes.
You have to be 21 to buy alcohol.
You have to go to school for, and get a license to be, a doctor. A teacher. A CPA. A beautician, for crying out loud.
You have to get a license to get a gun. You have to be 18 to vote (and, you know, be an active part of society).
You know what you DON'T have to have a license for? You know what you DON'T have to be of a certain age for?
To have a baby. The only requirements to have a baby is to have the right organs, and for someone of the opposite sex to have the right organs, and to get those organs together at the same time and place (haha). Isn't that insane? One of the biggest responsibilities a person can have, if not THE biggest - and you don't have to take any tests for it. Have anyone else deem you "ready" for it. Hell, you don't even have to prove to anyone that you have the MEANS to support a child!!!!!!!
There is little else that really gets me up and going on a great big soapbox when people are having kids that (I'm sorry, yes, I'm judging here) have ZERO business having them.
Teenagers? No!!
Not married? Generally I'd say no, but there are exceptions; my cousin Courtney and her b/f have been together for a long time and just probably will never get married, but they just had a baby. At least the baby has 2 parents that support themselves. But yeah, otherwise - really, how much does birth control cost? Who isn't married but TRIES to get pregnant? Yeah, not very many people can say, "me!"
Girls that do it to "keep" the guy around? Ha. Good luck with that....
Live off MY tax dollars? HELL NO. No, no, no, no!!!!!!!! I am sorry. Okay, yes, there are SOME people out there that have hit a rough patch, use welfare or Medicaid or unemployment for a short period of time. BUT. But. More often than not, those people living off my tax dollars can barely afford to "support" themselves, LET ALONE a child. And I'm not saying money is everything. When my mom and dad had me, they were 22 and 21 and had both lost their jobs 3 weeks after finding out they were pregnant with me. But you know what? They both BUSTED THEIR BUTTS to support us. My dad worked at Burger King. He was an insurance salesman for awhile. Drove for 7Up. My mom worked in the proof department at the bank. But they did without a lot of stuff during those times. New clothes for themselves, cable tv. They only had 1 car back then. I never went without, because my parents made sure THEY would go without before I did.
When Chris and I choose to have a child, it is because we feel that a) we are strong enough in our relationship to bring a life into this world, b) we are in a position that at least is favorable, financial-wise, to bring a life into this world, and c)....oh yeah that's right, make sure that we're able to SUPPORT OURSELVES FIRST!!!!!!! When Chris & I have a child, we will have costs involved. Yes, through my work we have great insurance. But it's 90/10. We'll have to pay 10% of the costs of having a baby, and I know the total cost is a lot. Oh, and yeah, all the prenatal stuff - we'll be paying for that too (maybe not, I'm not entirely up to speed on my insurance's policy for baby stuff).
I have a real problem with people that a) still live in someone else's home b/c they can't afford to live on their own, b) aren't that great of parents to the TWO children they already have since they are basically still kids themselves, c) have the newest cell phones, computers and high speed internet but their kids are in clothes that are too small - and are expecting another one.
I can't even wrap my head around it. I know people that are good people....that have tried and tried and tried, or are trying as we speak - are more than ready to have a baby, that will be good parents......but can't.
And then there are other people who all but make a mockery of being parents.
I can't stand it.
You have to be 16 to get your license, and you have to have a license to drive.
You have to be 18 to buy cigarettes.
You have to be 21 to buy alcohol.
You have to go to school for, and get a license to be, a doctor. A teacher. A CPA. A beautician, for crying out loud.
You have to get a license to get a gun. You have to be 18 to vote (and, you know, be an active part of society).
You know what you DON'T have to have a license for? You know what you DON'T have to be of a certain age for?
To have a baby. The only requirements to have a baby is to have the right organs, and for someone of the opposite sex to have the right organs, and to get those organs together at the same time and place (haha). Isn't that insane? One of the biggest responsibilities a person can have, if not THE biggest - and you don't have to take any tests for it. Have anyone else deem you "ready" for it. Hell, you don't even have to prove to anyone that you have the MEANS to support a child!!!!!!!
There is little else that really gets me up and going on a great big soapbox when people are having kids that (I'm sorry, yes, I'm judging here) have ZERO business having them.
Teenagers? No!!
Not married? Generally I'd say no, but there are exceptions; my cousin Courtney and her b/f have been together for a long time and just probably will never get married, but they just had a baby. At least the baby has 2 parents that support themselves. But yeah, otherwise - really, how much does birth control cost? Who isn't married but TRIES to get pregnant? Yeah, not very many people can say, "me!"
Girls that do it to "keep" the guy around? Ha. Good luck with that....
Live off MY tax dollars? HELL NO. No, no, no, no!!!!!!!! I am sorry. Okay, yes, there are SOME people out there that have hit a rough patch, use welfare or Medicaid or unemployment for a short period of time. BUT. But. More often than not, those people living off my tax dollars can barely afford to "support" themselves, LET ALONE a child. And I'm not saying money is everything. When my mom and dad had me, they were 22 and 21 and had both lost their jobs 3 weeks after finding out they were pregnant with me. But you know what? They both BUSTED THEIR BUTTS to support us. My dad worked at Burger King. He was an insurance salesman for awhile. Drove for 7Up. My mom worked in the proof department at the bank. But they did without a lot of stuff during those times. New clothes for themselves, cable tv. They only had 1 car back then. I never went without, because my parents made sure THEY would go without before I did.
When Chris and I choose to have a child, it is because we feel that a) we are strong enough in our relationship to bring a life into this world, b) we are in a position that at least is favorable, financial-wise, to bring a life into this world, and c)....oh yeah that's right, make sure that we're able to SUPPORT OURSELVES FIRST!!!!!!! When Chris & I have a child, we will have costs involved. Yes, through my work we have great insurance. But it's 90/10. We'll have to pay 10% of the costs of having a baby, and I know the total cost is a lot. Oh, and yeah, all the prenatal stuff - we'll be paying for that too (maybe not, I'm not entirely up to speed on my insurance's policy for baby stuff).
I have a real problem with people that a) still live in someone else's home b/c they can't afford to live on their own, b) aren't that great of parents to the TWO children they already have since they are basically still kids themselves, c) have the newest cell phones, computers and high speed internet but their kids are in clothes that are too small - and are expecting another one.
I can't even wrap my head around it. I know people that are good people....that have tried and tried and tried, or are trying as we speak - are more than ready to have a baby, that will be good parents......but can't.
And then there are other people who all but make a mockery of being parents.
I can't stand it.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Hair and Prayers
I'm not usually an impulsive person.
I've been desparately needing a haircut for a couple weeks now. I have worn my hair long in recent years, but it never fails that at *that* point that I start just wearing it in a ponytail or messy bun (or lately, braids) just about everyday. I've been in ponytails/ buns/ braids for about a month now. So it was time.
The last time I got a haircut, I just wanted a trim. Enough to get the dead ends off. An inch, maybe. Today.....I had the day off and was out around town and thought - you know what? Today's the day.
The day, indeed. I should've taken a picture of how much hair I lost today. I'd say about 5" maybe, at the longest point? The longest hairs on my head now barely touch my shoulders. It was a shock to see that much hair on the floor and I had a momentary case of panic, but the girl who was cutting my hair was SO nice....we highlighted it and then washed and conditioned it....she took some of my hair in her fingers and said, "What do you think, about here?" I said, "Just DO IT!" and closed my eyes, and there was no looking back. But I like it. Still sort of a shock to run my fingers through my hair and get about 4" into it and that's it....but I like it.
A more serious point......our friends Cory & Amber just had their baby Saturday....she was released today but baby Colin is still in NICU. He just hasn't gotten the hang of eating yet. Chris talked to Cory earlier and he'll be fine, but he was a full 2 weeks early and when they went to induce her, she wasn't even showing SIGNS of effacing or dilating yet. I guess he did better today and woke up every 3 hours or so to eat, which is good. He'll be okay, but my heart just goes out to Amber. She's one of those very diligent and by-the-books people, so I can just imagine that she is worrying and wondering what she could be doing different. Obviously I don't know what being a new mom feels like, but I can't imagine this is much fun for her or Cory. Hopefully Colin will be home tomorrow. I can't wait to actually hold him when we go back for Christmas!
Off to bed....back to work after being off 5 days. Sniff, sniff. End of month week + the dramas that ended last week = a fun 4 days coming up. Wish me luck.
I've been desparately needing a haircut for a couple weeks now. I have worn my hair long in recent years, but it never fails that at *that* point that I start just wearing it in a ponytail or messy bun (or lately, braids) just about everyday. I've been in ponytails/ buns/ braids for about a month now. So it was time.
The last time I got a haircut, I just wanted a trim. Enough to get the dead ends off. An inch, maybe. Today.....I had the day off and was out around town and thought - you know what? Today's the day.
The day, indeed. I should've taken a picture of how much hair I lost today. I'd say about 5" maybe, at the longest point? The longest hairs on my head now barely touch my shoulders. It was a shock to see that much hair on the floor and I had a momentary case of panic, but the girl who was cutting my hair was SO nice....we highlighted it and then washed and conditioned it....she took some of my hair in her fingers and said, "What do you think, about here?" I said, "Just DO IT!" and closed my eyes, and there was no looking back. But I like it. Still sort of a shock to run my fingers through my hair and get about 4" into it and that's it....but I like it.
A more serious point......our friends Cory & Amber just had their baby Saturday....she was released today but baby Colin is still in NICU. He just hasn't gotten the hang of eating yet. Chris talked to Cory earlier and he'll be fine, but he was a full 2 weeks early and when they went to induce her, she wasn't even showing SIGNS of effacing or dilating yet. I guess he did better today and woke up every 3 hours or so to eat, which is good. He'll be okay, but my heart just goes out to Amber. She's one of those very diligent and by-the-books people, so I can just imagine that she is worrying and wondering what she could be doing different. Obviously I don't know what being a new mom feels like, but I can't imagine this is much fun for her or Cory. Hopefully Colin will be home tomorrow. I can't wait to actually hold him when we go back for Christmas!
Off to bed....back to work after being off 5 days. Sniff, sniff. End of month week + the dramas that ended last week = a fun 4 days coming up. Wish me luck.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Happy Turkey Day!
It has been a whirlwind last couple of days. We left for TH on Wednesday night and just got back home a little while ago. Everyday has been action-packed, with not a lot of sleep for either of us (not used to a king-sized bed)......so in the interest of a semi-organized post, I'm stealing this idea from other blogs I've read......and "condensed" the weekend into T.U.R.K.E.Y (I started with T.H.A.N.K.S.G.I.V.I.N.G.....but my mind is having problems functioning, and I'm just not that creative).....
T - is for thankful. For my parents, for my brother & sister, for my faith, for my husband and the millions of 2nd chances hes given me, for the Cowboys no matter how much talent they have but still lose, for a good job that pays for a roof over our head and food on our table, for friends.
U - is for unreal. Unreal how the Cowboys continue to shoot themselves in the foot. A great Thanksgiving Day tradition continued when the Cowboys took on the reigning Super Bowl champs, the New Orleans Saints. They were down 17-0 after the 1st quarter and it looked like a blowout. They persevered and didn't quit and actually went up 27-23 with 5 minutes to go. After a big defensive stop, Dallas had a 3rd and 10.....bomb to Roy Williams.....runs up the field for 40+ yards......and the ball gets stripped with 3:30 to go. Wham bam thank you ma'am, 1:05 and 5 plays later, N.O. marched down the field to take the lead, 30-27. We got the ball back with 1:55 to go and got into a long FG range (59 yards), and Buehler just missed it. Oh well.
R - is for Relationship....with my mother in law. It was never bad, per se', just.....daughter-and-mother-in-law-like. Civil, nice, polite....but yesterday, I think we really had a great day together that really upped our relationship. Last year, Chris' sister, Jenn; his mom, Sharon; and I went shopping on Black Friday and had a LOT of fun. This year, Jenn was in Iowa with her fiance's family, so it was just her and me. I think both of us were a little nervous about how the day would go, and were a little ill at ease at first, but we got some Starbucks, hit Old Navy first, and we were on a roll from there. We shopped from 7am to 3pm straight. I hand picked all of her gifts (because she hates picking out things) and she paid for them - we had lunch - and then we came back to her house and I wrapped everything for her. It's funny knowing beforehand what Chris is getting :)
K - is for the Kids table. I'm not sitting at it next year. And neither is Chris. I'm calling seniority in 2011. End of story.
E - is for excitement...over new babies! My AOII pledge sister/ former roommate/ bridesmaid Jenn and her husband welcomed their first baby into the world Wednesday 11/24. They didn't know the sex beforehand so it was exciting to get the text saying it was a boy! Welcome Lawson Shane! Jenn - so excited for you....and can't wait to see you in a couple weeks when we come through for Christmas :) Then, Chris' Sigma Chi brother/ former roommate/ groomsman Cory and his wife Amber welcomed THEIR first baby into the world today! They did know the sex beforehand, but it was still exciting to know he was here. He wasn't supposed to be here until December 6, but for some reason she was induced last night and he arrived around 2:30 pm today. Just a little guy - 6 lbs, 12 oz and 20" long. We stopped by the hospital on our way home to give them a few little things and to see the proud parents. We didn't get to see him because he had low blood sugar and they had him on a warmer, but we'll see him in a few weeks, too :)
Y - is for not Yet (lame, but Y is hard). I said this a lot this weekend. So did Chris. "When are you guys going to have a baby?" "You guys pregnant yet?" "When are you guys due?" Some joking, some not, some trying to BE joking but weren't......it was like our first year everyone gave us a free pass. Our 2nd anniversary hit on August 30 and everyone kind of took that date as the date to start asking. It's HARD to say "not yet" when we're surrounded by babies, when my baby fever spikes just by walking through a baby section at Target, when people keep asking. I'm not annoyed by it and I don't think Chris is, really, either, but at the same time.....it's sometimes hard to just slap a smile on your face and give people an answer they don't want. I KNOW our family and friends want what's best for us, and so do we.....but man oh man is it hard to know when that time IS! Especially seeing little Colin tonight......and earlier today we went to my mom's little babysitting charges' house. At 2 1/2, Landon is practically part of the family since my mom has had him since he was 3 months old.....and he just got a baby sister, Emeline, this July. I walked her to sleep this afternoon before we left, and I just fell in LOVE. She has these big brown eyes that are so SERIOUS, and just look & look at you....but she fell asleep as I was bouncing her and walking with her, and I just melted. She's a beautiful little baby and there is just something so.....amazing - how they just trust you so much. Yup, baby fever is spiked.
No matter how worried or stressed or anxious or annoyed I may get day to day............at the end of everyday, I get to lay my head down in my warm bed, next to a man I love and loves me back, with the knowledge that I always have my family behind me, friends I can go to, food in my belly & a roof over my head, my health and a God that no matter how "bad" of a Catholic I am...........is always listening. I can't ask for much more than that.
T - is for thankful. For my parents, for my brother & sister, for my faith, for my husband and the millions of 2nd chances hes given me, for the Cowboys no matter how much talent they have but still lose, for a good job that pays for a roof over our head and food on our table, for friends.
U - is for unreal. Unreal how the Cowboys continue to shoot themselves in the foot. A great Thanksgiving Day tradition continued when the Cowboys took on the reigning Super Bowl champs, the New Orleans Saints. They were down 17-0 after the 1st quarter and it looked like a blowout. They persevered and didn't quit and actually went up 27-23 with 5 minutes to go. After a big defensive stop, Dallas had a 3rd and 10.....bomb to Roy Williams.....runs up the field for 40+ yards......and the ball gets stripped with 3:30 to go. Wham bam thank you ma'am, 1:05 and 5 plays later, N.O. marched down the field to take the lead, 30-27. We got the ball back with 1:55 to go and got into a long FG range (59 yards), and Buehler just missed it. Oh well.
R - is for Relationship....with my mother in law. It was never bad, per se', just.....daughter-and-mother-in-law-like. Civil, nice, polite....but yesterday, I think we really had a great day together that really upped our relationship. Last year, Chris' sister, Jenn; his mom, Sharon; and I went shopping on Black Friday and had a LOT of fun. This year, Jenn was in Iowa with her fiance's family, so it was just her and me. I think both of us were a little nervous about how the day would go, and were a little ill at ease at first, but we got some Starbucks, hit Old Navy first, and we were on a roll from there. We shopped from 7am to 3pm straight. I hand picked all of her gifts (because she hates picking out things) and she paid for them - we had lunch - and then we came back to her house and I wrapped everything for her. It's funny knowing beforehand what Chris is getting :)
K - is for the Kids table. I'm not sitting at it next year. And neither is Chris. I'm calling seniority in 2011. End of story.
E - is for excitement...over new babies! My AOII pledge sister/ former roommate/ bridesmaid Jenn and her husband welcomed their first baby into the world Wednesday 11/24. They didn't know the sex beforehand so it was exciting to get the text saying it was a boy! Welcome Lawson Shane! Jenn - so excited for you....and can't wait to see you in a couple weeks when we come through for Christmas :) Then, Chris' Sigma Chi brother/ former roommate/ groomsman Cory and his wife Amber welcomed THEIR first baby into the world today! They did know the sex beforehand, but it was still exciting to know he was here. He wasn't supposed to be here until December 6, but for some reason she was induced last night and he arrived around 2:30 pm today. Just a little guy - 6 lbs, 12 oz and 20" long. We stopped by the hospital on our way home to give them a few little things and to see the proud parents. We didn't get to see him because he had low blood sugar and they had him on a warmer, but we'll see him in a few weeks, too :)
Y - is for not Yet (lame, but Y is hard). I said this a lot this weekend. So did Chris. "When are you guys going to have a baby?" "You guys pregnant yet?" "When are you guys due?" Some joking, some not, some trying to BE joking but weren't......it was like our first year everyone gave us a free pass. Our 2nd anniversary hit on August 30 and everyone kind of took that date as the date to start asking. It's HARD to say "not yet" when we're surrounded by babies, when my baby fever spikes just by walking through a baby section at Target, when people keep asking. I'm not annoyed by it and I don't think Chris is, really, either, but at the same time.....it's sometimes hard to just slap a smile on your face and give people an answer they don't want. I KNOW our family and friends want what's best for us, and so do we.....but man oh man is it hard to know when that time IS! Especially seeing little Colin tonight......and earlier today we went to my mom's little babysitting charges' house. At 2 1/2, Landon is practically part of the family since my mom has had him since he was 3 months old.....and he just got a baby sister, Emeline, this July. I walked her to sleep this afternoon before we left, and I just fell in LOVE. She has these big brown eyes that are so SERIOUS, and just look & look at you....but she fell asleep as I was bouncing her and walking with her, and I just melted. She's a beautiful little baby and there is just something so.....amazing - how they just trust you so much. Yup, baby fever is spiked.
No matter how worried or stressed or anxious or annoyed I may get day to day............at the end of everyday, I get to lay my head down in my warm bed, next to a man I love and loves me back, with the knowledge that I always have my family behind me, friends I can go to, food in my belly & a roof over my head, my health and a God that no matter how "bad" of a Catholic I am...........is always listening. I can't ask for much more than that.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Happy October (?!?!????)
I can't believe that this time in 3 months, we'll be in 2011. Sigh. Time. It goes so fast....
My last post was Debbie Downer....and not much has changed, but I know I have to change my attitude. What good is it going to do to just complain and be pissed off all the time?
There has been a lot going on at work. We came THIIIIIIIIIIIIIS close to losing Columbus' biggest client (and the company's biggest, too)....fortunately, they decided not to cancel on us, but that means a lot of changes for everybody in Columbus....and unfortunately, only a small percentage of those changes are in black and white. A lot of it is going to be figured out as we go, which wouldn't be a big deal, except snow planning is in full swing. Ack. Job security, I guess.
There has been a lot going on at work. We came THIIIIIIIIIIIIIS close to losing Columbus' biggest client (and the company's biggest, too)....fortunately, they decided not to cancel on us, but that means a lot of changes for everybody in Columbus....and unfortunately, only a small percentage of those changes are in black and white. A lot of it is going to be figured out as we go, which wouldn't be a big deal, except snow planning is in full swing. Ack. Job security, I guess.
Babies. Babies are falling out of the sky. Literally, everyday for the last month there has been someone new on my newsfeed that is expecting a little one. I'm thrilled for all of them, but man does it add to the baby fever that has been in full swing for about 6 months now. But again...I know we're not ready for a baby yet....and hopefully when we are, it's because WE have truly made a good, conscious decision that is good for US, and isn't just a product of the outside world.
Anyway, the weekend was fun. Went to Indy on Saturday....left at 5pm and were back to Cbus by 7:30 on Sunday. Saturday night, we hung out at the house of one of Chris' fraternity brothers (they are buying it from his g/f's parents, who own a pharm company....this house is AMAZING and I wanted them to adopt me!!!!) and spent the night at another one of Chris' fraternity brothers (he and his wife are expecting!). Sunday, a bunch of friends who I haven't seen in way too long gathered at Ashley's house for Jenn's baby shower. I thought it was weird enough to be in all of my friends' weddings (well, not Jenn's, but hers doesn't count b/c she only had her sister!) - that seemed like a pretty grown up step. But having babies? There are no words. It blows my mind........
All I know is that it's hard to not REALLY REALLY want a baby when my friend from work pic-texts me a little Cowboys onesie..........
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
(Unfounded) Baby Fears
So, I'm a creature of habit. I love reruns of "Friends." There was just an episode on where Monica & Chandler find out that the chances of them having a baby on their own is pretty slim to none....
Things like that scare me to death. In fact, besides something happening that would suddenly take a loved one (or not suddenly, either one) away, my biggest fear is that I won't ever be able to have my own children. I know that right now I'm too selfish to be a mom, but my hopes are that eventually, I'll be grown up enough to be a mother.....if I could even be half the mom my own mom is....I think that my child(ren) will be lucky :) But seriously - all the money, exams and general pain-in-the-buttness of the last decade of trying to NOT have kids....just to be told someday that I can't? The thought just makes me sad, and something that I hope I never have to face.
On the other hand though....it seems that every other day, a friend, coworker, family member, acquaintance.....announces their upcoming bundle of joy. Seeing pictures.....buying for baby showers.....buying for the mommies-to-be.....gives me baby fever BAD.
But how do you KNOW? How do you know you're ready? I'm a planner. I like things going in a straight, forward, planned manner. Every morning at work, I go over the list I began the afternoon/ evening before and map out my day. Through the week, I think about the upcoming weekend and what I would like to accomplish (and in case anyone is wondering, this weekend I have plans to do NOTHING). Life just happens in a straight line.....y'know? Preschool....elem school....middle school....high school.....college. Since Chris & I started dating in college, it was a clear path that we would get married (obviously not the only reason we got married, but it was a good next step). After college, you get a good job. After you get married and have a good job, it seems, you have a baby. At least, that's the way it seems within my circle of friends.
There isn't a woman I know that is newly pregnant or newly-made-mommy that isn't in a good place or "shouldn't" be pregnant or "shouldn't" be a mom. Every woman I know that is pregnant or a mom is in a good place. But how do you KNOW you're in a good place? How do you know you're ready? How much does the circle of friends you run with play a part? How much does "baby fever" play a part? Obviously, big things like deciding with your husband...finances....play a part. But how much do outside factors play a part?
It's probably different for everyone. And I know that if we wait until we're "really" ready, we'll never have a baby. I just want to make sure that when we do....it's really, truly right for us....
Things like that scare me to death. In fact, besides something happening that would suddenly take a loved one (or not suddenly, either one) away, my biggest fear is that I won't ever be able to have my own children. I know that right now I'm too selfish to be a mom, but my hopes are that eventually, I'll be grown up enough to be a mother.....if I could even be half the mom my own mom is....I think that my child(ren) will be lucky :) But seriously - all the money, exams and general pain-in-the-buttness of the last decade of trying to NOT have kids....just to be told someday that I can't? The thought just makes me sad, and something that I hope I never have to face.
On the other hand though....it seems that every other day, a friend, coworker, family member, acquaintance.....announces their upcoming bundle of joy. Seeing pictures.....buying for baby showers.....buying for the mommies-to-be.....gives me baby fever BAD.
But how do you KNOW? How do you know you're ready? I'm a planner. I like things going in a straight, forward, planned manner. Every morning at work, I go over the list I began the afternoon/ evening before and map out my day. Through the week, I think about the upcoming weekend and what I would like to accomplish (and in case anyone is wondering, this weekend I have plans to do NOTHING). Life just happens in a straight line.....y'know? Preschool....elem school....middle school....high school.....college. Since Chris & I started dating in college, it was a clear path that we would get married (obviously not the only reason we got married, but it was a good next step). After college, you get a good job. After you get married and have a good job, it seems, you have a baby. At least, that's the way it seems within my circle of friends.
There isn't a woman I know that is newly pregnant or newly-made-mommy that isn't in a good place or "shouldn't" be pregnant or "shouldn't" be a mom. Every woman I know that is pregnant or a mom is in a good place. But how do you KNOW you're in a good place? How do you know you're ready? How much does the circle of friends you run with play a part? How much does "baby fever" play a part? Obviously, big things like deciding with your husband...finances....play a part. But how much do outside factors play a part?
It's probably different for everyone. And I know that if we wait until we're "really" ready, we'll never have a baby. I just want to make sure that when we do....it's really, truly right for us....
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Babies, Babies, everywhere
Seriously. They're everywhere!
I know so many people that have had babies in the last 6 months or so....but in the last 3 weeks, I know.........4 babies? Is that it? Seems like there are more....
February 24 - my Division Administrator and her husband welcomed Graham Alexander.
February 28 - one of my OMs' girlfriend's had their twins (6 weeks early) - Brooklyn & Hayden.
Today though, takes the cake. One of my closest friends through college, Ashley, had a baby girl today. She was the first of all of us to get married (which was strange in itself), and now she's the first (in this circle of friends) to have a baby. She lost a baby right after mine and Chris' wedding, so this baby is such a blessing that I know I prayed hard for, so I can't imagine what the last 9 months have been like for Luke and Ashley. I guess she was born at 3:49 pm...7 lbs 15 oz and 22" long. I can't wait to meet my "niece".....it's hard being this far away when something this amazing happens! Welcome Noelle!! I'm so excited to meet you :)
When Ashley got married, it was so surreal....like, 'Are you old enough to be doing this?' But we were all a part of their wedding, and now they're having a baby....and it's just amazing. Utterly, awesomely, amazing. Allison texted me at 4:10 to let us all know that she was here and I was just in disbelief! It just is so surreal! Then, I got in my car to go home, and appropriately enough, the first song I heard was "I Saw God Today." (Cheesy that I teared up? Maybe a little).
Maybe one day, I'll be old enough, mature enough, in that place-in-my-life enough, to bring a child into this world with Chris. But until that day.....I will be content to love on and spoil all the little ones around me :)
I know so many people that have had babies in the last 6 months or so....but in the last 3 weeks, I know.........4 babies? Is that it? Seems like there are more....
February 24 - my Division Administrator and her husband welcomed Graham Alexander.
February 28 - one of my OMs' girlfriend's had their twins (6 weeks early) - Brooklyn & Hayden.
Today though, takes the cake. One of my closest friends through college, Ashley, had a baby girl today. She was the first of all of us to get married (which was strange in itself), and now she's the first (in this circle of friends) to have a baby. She lost a baby right after mine and Chris' wedding, so this baby is such a blessing that I know I prayed hard for, so I can't imagine what the last 9 months have been like for Luke and Ashley. I guess she was born at 3:49 pm...7 lbs 15 oz and 22" long. I can't wait to meet my "niece".....it's hard being this far away when something this amazing happens! Welcome Noelle!! I'm so excited to meet you :)
When Ashley got married, it was so surreal....like, 'Are you old enough to be doing this?' But we were all a part of their wedding, and now they're having a baby....and it's just amazing. Utterly, awesomely, amazing. Allison texted me at 4:10 to let us all know that she was here and I was just in disbelief! It just is so surreal! Then, I got in my car to go home, and appropriately enough, the first song I heard was "I Saw God Today." (Cheesy that I teared up? Maybe a little).
Maybe one day, I'll be old enough, mature enough, in that place-in-my-life enough, to bring a child into this world with Chris. But until that day.....I will be content to love on and spoil all the little ones around me :)
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Lifetime Movie: The Pregnancy Pact
This movie absolutely terrifies me. Unless you've been living under a rock, you know that it's a movie about a spike in teen pregnancies in a small town in MA - and it was started because of a "pact" between a bunch of girls.
How did my parents survive me growing up in my teenage years with things like this? Not knowing the right thing to say, or teach? How am I going to know what to say, or teach, my own children, especially if I have daughters? These girls were taught abstinence only (which is what I was taught up through 8th grade). You kind of have to see where their parents and schools were coming from - give them options for birth control and you're almost saying, "Okay - go have sex." (NOT that that's what I will teach!) But at the same time....you can give your children guidance and advice all you want, but at the end of the day, you can't be with them 24/7, and they're going to have to make their own decisions.
It's just so scary out there. I feel like I'm barely a "grown-up," how am I ever going to know when the time is right to bring a child in to this world? And when that time comes....how do Chris and I, as parents, find that balance between keeping your children close and under your thumb and letting them find their own way.
Scary, terrifying stuff.
These girls in the movie are 15, 16 years old. That means by the time they're my age, they will have 10 year olds - 5th graders!!!!!! I'm 26 and still don't feel like I'm mature or responsible enough to take that kind of responsibility.
I know that no one is ever really ready to have children - if you waited until you had enough money, or were in the right house, or worked at the right job - no one would ever have kids. But wow - what a huge step to take.
How did my parents survive me growing up in my teenage years with things like this? Not knowing the right thing to say, or teach? How am I going to know what to say, or teach, my own children, especially if I have daughters? These girls were taught abstinence only (which is what I was taught up through 8th grade). You kind of have to see where their parents and schools were coming from - give them options for birth control and you're almost saying, "Okay - go have sex." (NOT that that's what I will teach!) But at the same time....you can give your children guidance and advice all you want, but at the end of the day, you can't be with them 24/7, and they're going to have to make their own decisions.
It's just so scary out there. I feel like I'm barely a "grown-up," how am I ever going to know when the time is right to bring a child in to this world? And when that time comes....how do Chris and I, as parents, find that balance between keeping your children close and under your thumb and letting them find their own way.
Scary, terrifying stuff.
These girls in the movie are 15, 16 years old. That means by the time they're my age, they will have 10 year olds - 5th graders!!!!!! I'm 26 and still don't feel like I'm mature or responsible enough to take that kind of responsibility.
I know that no one is ever really ready to have children - if you waited until you had enough money, or were in the right house, or worked at the right job - no one would ever have kids. But wow - what a huge step to take.
Monday, September 7, 2009
Happy Labor Day!
Well, it has been a very quiet and uneventful weekend at the King household....a much-needed one for sure, since the next month is going to be pretty crazy! We have two "free" weekends, a wedding in Indy (which Chris is in), and then we're moving the following weekend, which, by my calculations, takes us right into October (CRAZY!). So, the next two weekends are going to be spent packing up and sorting out and getting things ready to move....in between football, of course! The regular season is now a mere THREE days away (kickoff is Thursday night between Pittsburgh & Tennessee), and Dallas plays Sunday. I can't wait! Unlike last year, I'm not overly confident that Dallas will win it all, but I am cautiously optimistic that they'll at least make the playoffs and WIN a game in the postseason! I'm calling it now! 11-5, a Wild Card spot, and at least getting into the divisional round!
With people all around me getting pregnant right and left lately, it has been hard to keep myself away from baby fever. I have several sorority sisters that are pregnant (including a close friend who just found out that they're expecting their first...can't wait to be "Aunt Nikki"!), a cousin who is due anyday, a guy at work whose g/f is expecting twins in April, my immediate boss who is due in February....but we're staying away from that (for now...sorry everyone!) However, we did get into a discussion on baby names on Saturday night, and that was fun. We're just not ready for babies yet, and we know that. But hopefully, when the time is right and presents itself, everything will go swimmingly :) It's fun to think about for now, though.
It has been a very random, fun, lazy weekend. Saturday, we both slept in late, got some lunch, and Chris went to watch the first OSU game at an old co-worker's house. I watched the first quarter, but the beautiful sunshine was calling my name and I went out to the pool. So sue me....I'm not a full-fledged Buckeye yet! I did catch the end of the game though, and there was a collective sigh of relief as the Bucks escaped a close call by Navy. Football season is always so much fun! That night, we went out for a quick dinner, and laid around the house. Yesterday was more of the same, with grocery shopping mixed in. I have to say that grocery shopping is one of my favorite things to do with Chris (98.9% of the time!). We both love people-watching, coming up with ideas for dinner (even though most of the time I have the whole week's meals already planned out), and generally goofing around. We went back to the pool yesterday for a little bit more sunshine, and I again braved the cold water to swim some laps. I have found that being in water just relaxes me, and I don't even feel tired or sore after doing any kind of activity in the water. Maybe I was an Olympic swimmer in a former life! It's something to look into, though....swimming is a great form of exercise, and I'm always up for something to get me out of my normal boring (not so much right now) routine.
Last night was more laying around the house, and Chris was in a really goofy mood that kept me laughing for most of the night. We went on a memory journey when we watched a slideshow of all of our honeymoon pictures, and we both were bemoaning the fact that we were in Jamaica just a short year ago. Hopefully, we'll be able to go back soon....we loved every minute! We slept in late again this morning, and have been lazing around in our pj's all day. I plan on making banana pancakes for dinner - we grilled out last night since we knew the weather probably wouldn't cooperate today (we were right....it's been cool, rainy, and cloudy all day). I also got a Christian marriage study from a coworker last week, and we're excited to start it to see what it can bring to our marriage.
Well, apparently I am more than a wife. I am a playmate....Chris is yelling "I'm bored" from upstairs, so I should probably go see what he's up to before he starts messing with my paperwork up there :)
Happy September! Fall is a mere 14 days away!
With people all around me getting pregnant right and left lately, it has been hard to keep myself away from baby fever. I have several sorority sisters that are pregnant (including a close friend who just found out that they're expecting their first...can't wait to be "Aunt Nikki"!), a cousin who is due anyday, a guy at work whose g/f is expecting twins in April, my immediate boss who is due in February....but we're staying away from that (for now...sorry everyone!) However, we did get into a discussion on baby names on Saturday night, and that was fun. We're just not ready for babies yet, and we know that. But hopefully, when the time is right and presents itself, everything will go swimmingly :) It's fun to think about for now, though.
It has been a very random, fun, lazy weekend. Saturday, we both slept in late, got some lunch, and Chris went to watch the first OSU game at an old co-worker's house. I watched the first quarter, but the beautiful sunshine was calling my name and I went out to the pool. So sue me....I'm not a full-fledged Buckeye yet! I did catch the end of the game though, and there was a collective sigh of relief as the Bucks escaped a close call by Navy. Football season is always so much fun! That night, we went out for a quick dinner, and laid around the house. Yesterday was more of the same, with grocery shopping mixed in. I have to say that grocery shopping is one of my favorite things to do with Chris (98.9% of the time!). We both love people-watching, coming up with ideas for dinner (even though most of the time I have the whole week's meals already planned out), and generally goofing around. We went back to the pool yesterday for a little bit more sunshine, and I again braved the cold water to swim some laps. I have found that being in water just relaxes me, and I don't even feel tired or sore after doing any kind of activity in the water. Maybe I was an Olympic swimmer in a former life! It's something to look into, though....swimming is a great form of exercise, and I'm always up for something to get me out of my normal boring (not so much right now) routine.
Last night was more laying around the house, and Chris was in a really goofy mood that kept me laughing for most of the night. We went on a memory journey when we watched a slideshow of all of our honeymoon pictures, and we both were bemoaning the fact that we were in Jamaica just a short year ago. Hopefully, we'll be able to go back soon....we loved every minute! We slept in late again this morning, and have been lazing around in our pj's all day. I plan on making banana pancakes for dinner - we grilled out last night since we knew the weather probably wouldn't cooperate today (we were right....it's been cool, rainy, and cloudy all day). I also got a Christian marriage study from a coworker last week, and we're excited to start it to see what it can bring to our marriage.
Well, apparently I am more than a wife. I am a playmate....Chris is yelling "I'm bored" from upstairs, so I should probably go see what he's up to before he starts messing with my paperwork up there :)
Happy September! Fall is a mere 14 days away!
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